Seldom Seen Way











{November 15, 2017}   Thought at this hour.

Brain: I am jealous of the freedom/openness that I tend to give to another.

You need to be secure with yourself, and comfortable with the idea of potential loss to be able to give your partner freedom. But when you give them this freedom, they’ll respect you, they’ll trust you. And even though they may be sharing intimacy with other partners, they’re sharing a strong connection with you based on mutual respect, honesty, and acceptance of one another for their true self. Which will – ironically – ensure that they stick around.

You need to accept that this connection is safe and secure, and is detached from anything physical your partner may be doing with their other partners. You need to allow them to do whatever they want, and you need to simply accept it. Remember, the acceptance will be what keeps them around and what makes your relationship special and secure.

The difference between monogamous relationships and polyamorous ones is that monogamous relationships build connection through commitment, whereas polyamorous ones build connection through sharing experiences with one another.

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{November 9, 2017}   Wicked Wonderland

To be honest, I have no idea how I should start this. I just know that it isn’t going to be an easy feat.

The anticipation of this trip for a couple of months has been high on my mind – “patiently” waiting for my vacation to start. We met a couple of people at Fantasy Weekend that were open-hearted from the start; we knew then we were going to do this and buy the tickets to go West.

AND then the fateful week came:
What route are we going? Are we stopping in at Saskatoon on the way up?

Are there enough places on the route to stop and pee… AND get coffee? (You know – the IMPORTANT questions)

What do we pack? OMFG – I have no clothes to wear!! (Ha Ha) Do we have room for ALL of the clothes?

Are we going to know anyone besides who we went with? And the ones that we may know – will they remember us? Will some of them know I have been perv-stalking them online?

You know this is the best time too when the Big A takes hold of you – Anxiety. Your body decides this is also the best time to break out in pimples like a teenager LoL or your body tics like a motherfucker all the way there.

 

****** Pause here. This is the 5th rendition of this post. (Five IS my number after all). I could go on and on about what, how, where, why we did what we were doing – though that would become a post of me not delving into the actual feel of the weekend.

 

Up until this moment, I didn’t know what I was going to write about.

**A little backstory:** After picking Sir up from work Last night and settling Him into the house…He sat down and just watched me put His jacket away, make up His plate of food and basically look like a grumpy cat. I was dropping and I dropped hard. I was frustrated with my day on a whole. I focused heavily on being frustrated with my writing; add in the cats who knew I was amiss. I was just not a nice person all around. The fact I didn’t notice scared me as I was thinking I was doing really well.

I will admit I did not take care of myself yesterday – I ignored me. He asked if I showered today. And as I stood there and was thinking about it – He directed me to towards it. So off I went pouting. I wandered inside and let the semi-hot water pour on my back as I sat on the bench in the stall. I hate water falling anywhere near my face – yet this one time if it flicked it – I wasn’t aware. I took that moment to enjoy the pitter-patter as the water massaged the marks from the weekend. I sat there for nearly 20 minutes yet it only felt like 5 minutes. I was cursing myself for feeling the way I did. Then thought better of it and changed to damning myself for thinking that way. My brain is rarely still, however finally I relaxed enough to start meditating – the calm is what I needed.

During this time I was still frustrated that words were not coming to me. Since the end of the conference I have been reading everyone’s posts about the weekend and it started to blur my own. I think everyone should be getting something (even a small something) with an event that big occurs. Here I was and nothing was jumping out at me. I felt inadequate (odd word to use I know) to write about the weekend.

After I showered and got to eat supper, there was a writing that I am fortunate to have read written by MommaBitch. It resounded so much with me at that moment after sitting with Sir trying as hard as I might to be articulate.

The last line to the writing spoke to me and I wrote about it: “Do I have words for it yet? Nope! But I know I will find them.”

I rarely respond to writings honestly, however this time I did: That is where i am. 🙂 i am glad i am not alone on that. 🙂

I step back and wander back to the kitchen putting a few dishes away.

Sir chines in – “She responded to you.”
“Who?” I say.
“Who do you think?” He asks.

I go back to my desk and pop open FetLife again – and sure enough there it was.

MB: *@SeldomSeenWay It always takes time to understand your truth*

Those words couldn’t have come at a better time. Thank you, MommaBitch. (By the way, I really wish I had more time to get to know you.) Sir tells me not to write if I am not enjoying it – yet it didn’t sink in. He wrote His earlier in the day, and many others had posted theirs. It was like I felt obligated for some reason.

That was a reassurance I needed that I didn’t have to do this writing absolutely this day. I had been sitting on these words – many deleted at this point since Tuesday. And that was alright.

 

So what did I really take from it?

 

It hit me – the way I am wired – I couldn’t have had the experiences I have had if it wasn’t for everyone else around me. It gave me pleasure to watch their interactions with each other. The energy, spirit, soul, woo, drive, strength, power – whatever you identify it as – is what made this weekend great for me.

There were so many emotions rolled up in one.

It started back in September at Fantasy with a small lull and anticipation to us being on the road finally after all this time.

It allowed us to enjoy and stop midway to have drinks (damn you both and your moonshine) and catch-up with 3 great people in Saskatoon. **Thank you again for allowing us to stay for the night. ** Sadly (hate mornings) and excitingly, we woke up early and got on the road to Edmonton.

Arriving earlier to the City gave us the opportunity to stop into the West Edmonton Mall. The lights, the colours, and the views (along with a newly purchased pair of boots) made that a good start to the day.

Back to anxiety the closer we got to the hotel – and me attempting to manoeuver Edmonton. I was a fucking mess; brain going a mile a minute and eyes glassy with the sights, smells and sounds from the mall.

I loved just sitting and watching in the car and waiting while Sir was getting us settled into the Hotel. You could tell which ones was part of the group – so many Leathers. All the smiles that you could see making their eyes twinkle, the handshakes and bear hugs happening all around us.

And as we unpacked a few bags from the car and got closer to the Hotel doors – it happened – my body just went calm. You know that feeling of relaxation, which everything will be okay; the warmth washing over you could be felt immediately.

That is when everything came into place. The first person we saw was Cat waving from the car coming up to the doors. That smile and enthusiasm are very contagious and that feeling became the norm throughout the conference.

It snowballed from there. The Feelings that one experiences from a vast amount of people even some Pants Feelings (Thanks Rainbow for the new term to describe it).

**Unselfishness:** Thank you to **F1 & F2** – you truly showed hospitality that first night when we knew no one really at that table. Our food was “forgotten” and you offered half of yours to get me through till later that evening. You wouldn’t let me say no. It confirmed that we were indeed with extended Family.

**Enthusiasm:** Every class we went to you could feel the energy that flowed throughout the room. The smiles and attentiveness each person gave of themselves was a sight to be seen. The laughs and claps kept going.

Too many classes / not enough time for each LoL – Finding the right balance to see and hear as many folks as we could that weekend was very difficult. It meant that a few of them we did not get the opportunity to explore. The **Fishes** and **Owner/owned**, **Moonfyre** and **Alexander Paddles** and lastly, **Scott** were sadly missed.

**Giggles:** oh my god, there were so many giggles. **Dixie**, you are a beautiful human, I am blessed to have gotten the opportunity to meet you. Your giggles were infectious and miss your hugs. **Heart-Bug** – meeting you the very first night at dinner helped a lot of getting me to be at ease with strangers. You are so carefree and fun to be around. **“Strawberry shortcake”** you are so squeaky and a joy to be around.

**Passionate:** Going to the Canes – The Master Class shows the real passion that **TM** has for his craft. The demo bottoms were brave as TM worked his magic on them. To top that – we had the pleasure to sit and talk with the lovely one that took the 6 of the Best during the Gala Dinner.

We were able to take some time at the Vendor Sale to talk to TM and his slave while we saw and touched his beautiful work. Five canes later added to the tool bag make this girl a happy one. **BadAssCanes** Indeed.

**Resourceful:** The Greater Vancouver MAsT counterparts we had the pleasure to have breakfast with and later at the Dungeon. Thank you for your ears, eyes and minds. The time spent with you both was not long enough. I cannot wait till we are able to connect once more.

The opportunity to sit in **Master Dennis and Ms Bonnie’s** classes (Leather Family – What, Why & How are they formed? & Master/slave thru Storm and Tempest) was a highlight. I really was excited about these two. I could listen to them both talk about their Lives – the ups and downs and the sideways.

**Inventive:** This one goes to a couple of classes: the Needle class: Pokey Stabby Ouchie Bleedy and the Bootblacking class: More Than Just Polish: How to have a Bootblacking Scene.

**Cat** – I love your mind – you sick Bastard <3. You made those two beautiful souls bleed pretty for the class. It was like I was experiencing it with them.

To **Merit and Boots** – I have admired your work from afar and when the chance to see you both doing your magic – I was there with bells on. Your play reminds me so much of us. This was a very good feeling class.

**Generous:** **Nelson and impish** – your hearts and time (including lack of sleep lol) were abundant to ensure everything and everyone had a great space to connect in. I want to thank you for putting this together and everyone who had a hand to help. I cannot express how much you both made us feel we belonged right from the beginning and throughout till the extra hugs saying goodbye. I am grateful for the time you both gave at the end during supper just to get to know us better and share.

**Empathy:** You could feel the empathy amongst the group. There was active listening, openness, helpfulness, and the offer of hugs when needed.

The **courtesy** that was shown exceeded anything that I have experienced before. People took each person as they came. They didn’t lump them into stereotypical groups with erroneous one-size-fits-all labels. Each person was an individual and came with a set of flaws and strengths – and those strengths were played on.

The only con to the weekend was that it ended too soon. However, this is what a community feels like. I am pleased to call you all **Friends and Family.**

To my Manitoba Tribe – Thank you for being there to share it and allow me to get to know you even better.

There is so much more but only so much that I can put in writing. The memories will stay with me.

Thank you for allowing me to share this space with you all. I will not forget it.

 

 

 

 



{November 8, 2017}   Happy Butt

The Saturday night at the Dungeon was a good night in Edmonton. Earlier that day, Sir got 5 new canes of different lengths/widths/weight during Wicked made by @-Badasscanes-. The “Big Bastard” is now becoming a Favourite of mine.

Now that we are home, each morning i love waking up feeling the bruises that have been made over the weekend. It is even better when Sir continually pokes them deeply, rolling His fingers over them as He listens to the sounds that come from me.

And when i don’t think it could surpass my happy place – Sir loves doubling up bruises on top of the bruises…the fist slamming into my ass cheeks, or the open hand swats that smack over and over in the same spot. i feel my entire body go into dianaland and praying it doesn’t end.

These days are not long enough to play, though He sure packs a lot into the time we have.



{November 7, 2017}   Home.

We are home from our trip @ 3:55 am.

i got Sir tucked into bed as He works in a few hours…This was a good time then to inform the masses that we are safely home, Miss Daisy got fed, i brought in a couple of the bags Sir will need things from in the morning and i got an hour of work done for the office. This allows me to not be interrupted for the rest of my vacation.

It is now time for me to rest my eyes as His alarm will be going off in less than 4.5 hours.

It is going to be a long busy morning for me.

Till later today…. nites.



Sleep is what i am supposed to attempt however, the buzz from this awesome weekend is still ringing in my head.

Sir’s brain is slowing down finally as His eyes are finally closed and His breathing is a little less erratic… It was going very “loud” in here because of it.

Now off to get any form of sleep i can get.



{November 2, 2017}   Excited

i really am excited for this trip. It got even better with a sleepover at our Friend’s house who is close to Saskatoon. This will give us time to catch up and get a rest before heading to Edmonton.

Our list is made to what we need to pack. The clothes have been decided, tried on to ensure good fit and washed. We know what we have to pick up tomorrow for the trip. It should take an hour or less to pack up and set in the car.

Hopefully we will get some pictures taken and time at the Edmonton Mall to shop.

Off to do my social media before bed.

Nites!



{October 31, 2017}   — Traditional Samhain blessing

May the ancestors deliver blessings on you and yours…
May the new year bear great fruits for you…
May your granted wishes be as many as the seeds in a pomegranate…
May the slide into darkness bring you light…
May the memories of what has been – keep you strong for what is to be…
May this Samhain cleanse your heart, your soul, and your mind!



{October 31, 2017}   “Halloween.

Sly does it. Tiptoe catspaws. Slide and creep.
But why? What for? How? Who? When! Where did it all begin?
‘You don’t know, do you?’ asks Carapace Clavicle Moundshroud climbing out
under the pile of leaves under the Halloween Tree. ‘You don’t really know!'”
– Ray Bradbury, The Halloween Tree

A Blessed and Happy Samhain to All My Friends Who Celebrate the Sabbats 
And to my children… Happy Hallomissmiss to You 



{October 30, 2017}   Vacation with a few extras!

vaca

So here’s the thing: I’m not in the office right now. I’m – well, I know you don’t want to hear this as you’re probably working yourself, but – I’m actually on vacation.

In other news, I will be back at my desk on November 13. That’ll be a Monday, so please give me a second to catch up on all the email and I will get back to you. IF you need someone today and there’s no convincing you otherwise, then please contact:

L, J, or S at these numbers – or send them an email…

However –

For any CHEP pallets concerns or questions, I will prioritize those when I am back in office.

Thanks and Be well!

********************

Tis that time of the year, where i take time off to celebrate Samhain – this year i have taken 2 weeks off. This is the first time i have done that – because maybe i have some control issues i need to work on at work LoL.

With that said – i will “pop” into the office next Monday/Tuesday (basically my desk at home and email from here) to deal with an Audit that snuck up earlier than usual.

This year, the extra time is being used to go to Edmonton for an event that is going on there. We are very excited to go and luckily a few fellow Manitobans will be joining us. To even make it better, Sir got me a new vest on the weekend, and because of the help of another – we were given our patches and they were sewn on. They look fucking awesome ❤ It was a nice surprise to start this holiday off.

Manitoba Leather Patch

Later that Saturday we went to the Club to be with some Friends and a few others that surprised us by just being there when we showed up. It was a good time, and i got to wear my vest 😀

Sorry if my brain is going a mile a minute however there is so much going on right now, and i am sure i will miss something.

It was weird not to go to work today. Oddly enough, i was invited to go to yoga with a co-worker after she was done work. It didn’t work out well for me, but i want to make an effort to go to body pump with her later this week. Instead, i got the yard potting planters, chairs and such put away in the garage. This also included me finding my Samhain decorations and decorate the deck going to the front door. The entrance way into the house is also done up – along with treats ready for the children tomorrow.

We rarely get many children in this part of the Park – yet i can count on S to bring her two girls, and my youngest daughter (yes she is an adult LoL – i still encourage) to pop by and get their goodies. The Boy may come earlier with his two children, however, i do know he leaves for work at 2:30pm. It just means i make up a bag or four instead.

We leave for Edmonton Thursday evening after Sir is done work and hopefully on the road before 6pm. i am not sure if we will stop midway through Saskatchewan to visit a Friend before we get to the Alberta border. Our youngest and her partner are staying at the house to cat-sit for those 5 days. This will help us not have to worry about Miss Daisy, Skitz or the Brothers.

Wicked in the West is going to be a good time from the looks of it – the workshops are many, the presenters are ones i have met, demo bottomed for or have followed for a long time. There will be reconnections and new friendships forged along with bonding with a few people from Manitoba at the event. Sir is nervous about the Dinner, excited about the Dungeon, and thrilled about a few of the vendors. i have a feeling He wants to add a couple new tools to the bag.

Personally, i can’t wait to see the Bootblacks and the Western Canada Power Exchange Competition. It will be like i am in a constant state of bliss that weekend. i really can’t wait.

The last week i have will likely be spent at home, getting ready for the snow that will surely fall soon enough. Perhaps some of the books that are still in the garage will make their way to a bookshelf. There is also a bench and small telephone stand i want to bring in to paint/stencil (winter project).

 

Time is going really quick here and i have still a few things to get done before Sir is done work – they are rearranging the Shop tonight. He is later than usual 😦 – then again this allowed me to get a few more things done.

Talk to you all later this week!

 

 

 



Sir and i had a really good discussion about our poly after i got home from work. It was me taking the lead on what is going on with us currently and reassuring Him that i am indeed encouraging this. i will not explain the situation right now, as it is still in an initial limbo stage – however, NRE is happening – and i find that beautiful to watch as two people i dearly love are happy. i also get to watch/talk to their partner that i respect as it happens as We have our own type of relationship.

When Sir and i talk with each other at times it can feel clinical however it allows us to really drill down to what needs to be voiced. It is asking the right questions to get clarification of what was said…not just for the person listening, it is more so for the person speaking. To people looking on the outside, it could look like a therapy session LoL.

There is no judgement when we do this – with reminders to ensure that what we say is in a safe environment. None of it can be used against each other. We make sure we are transparent so that we can base our answers and questions on truth. This helps us know we are going on the path to move forward…sometimes we take a step back when needed. It has worked for us all these years and we need this type of conversation in our Life together.

It was good to bring up fears, the cons and pros that could be associated with poly/open relationships – as each new possible relationship (in whatever form) will be different.

At one point we were discussing our boundaries. And before someone goes ballistic with that word – not the boundaries you think we impose on each other – that is a no-no in my opinion. i will not dictate how He may “act” around another partner and vice versa (ie. “You can’t fuck her doggy style because that is “our” way” (extreme i know lol) or “You can’t take her to that restaurant because of XYZ”.  It is the ones we have put on ourselves as individuals. It is being aware of each other’s boundaries and why in that given scenario.

It is something all couples should do and revisit it time and time again. We all grow at different paces. i have been poly since i was in my teens….He has not. i have more experiences to bank on – He does not. i understand compersion – He does not. See where i am going with that? What i would have done in my 20’s and 30’s is not going to be the same as now. i take more time now before i want to have another partner – and yes at times it can be extreme and lonely lol. He is relying on past mono relationships (and two triads) for His information.

The feelings part and understanding them is probably the hardest part to decipher i find. i still have fears and i have had a couple of them transpire in the past – those i will write about separately at some point.  The difference with me i find is that i didn’t let it stop me from being who i am as a poly person. It allowed me to learn and pick up on things to prevent or even slow it down before it got out of hand in my head. His fears are definitely not the same as mine. i also found that my fears have changed and when a moment to voice them last night – brought up some new things we really needed to hash out. There was a lot of personal insight that occurred; started in the living room and moved its way to the bedroom as it got later. It had us both reflecting on our behaviours and feelings concerning poly/open relationships on a whole.

This writing is more of i need to get this out there, as it was noteworthy…and a reminder to myself that i am blessed to have a partner that wants to take the time to not shy away from these conversations. A partner willing to basically open and lay out their heart and soul for us – knowing that i would not judge. This is also a reminder that when we do this yet again, we have grown just a little bit more together.

The initial idea of a poly relationship can sound really great if that is what you want to pursue – the reality of it though, can be scary as Hell. It is how you wish to approach it knowing that.

 

 

 



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