Seldom Seen Way

{January 30, 2014}   What makes a Good Dominant for me:

I wanted to expand on my previous post as it was done very quickly. I must admit this took awhile and still leaves much to be discussed. Unfortunately, I am actually doing this instead of the work that is sitting in front of me. TSK.TSK.

Sir and I were talking tonight, and I owed him a more expressed form of what I want instead of points.

This is for Him. 


This is probably number one on my list. How can you totally surrender to someone who does not give you a reason to trust them?

Trusting someone flogging you while you are helplessly bound is often easier than trusting them with the many secrets and hopes of your heart and soul. That is why I am very careful about who I let in to my mind and heart. This comes to the next topic.

Communication Skills:

He should be able to communicate. Communication and talking are not the same thing. Someone that talks all the time, just to hear their own words is not communicating. Along with communication comes Listening. Listening to what’s being said and to sort out the real meaning behind the words.

He also has to be able to express his wants and needs to me in a way that I can understand. I not only want to know the deed, but your motivation behind it. If I do not understand what is expected of me, how can I ever succeed in pleasing You.

Communication is a two way street. I believe we do very well in this area…and making it a priority has kept us together and closer than I have ever been with another person.

To be Able to Love:

Without a loving heart, You become nothing more than a set of rules and a taskmaster.
He must be able to love Himself as well. If He is not capable of seeing Himself as lovable, then he’ll never accept the love that I will so freely offer.

When I see You give attention to my children, our pets, or a friend, I see a the kind of man I want to give my heart to for a lifetime. Your instincts to comfort, protect and nurture are developed and speak to my heart.

A Willingness To Teach:

A great master is a great teacher. That’s part of the job of being a Dom. He’s going to be teacher for the duration of our relationship. He needs to have patience. He will reward when a lesson is learned and wants me to become all I can be. One of the primary goals He should have is creating an environment where I can grow and develop emotionally and intellectually.

A true Dom will teach by setting the example. If He wants respect He shows it to others. If He wants loyalty, He is loyal. If He wants honesty, He is honest.

I want for someone who is my intellectual equal or superior. This is important to me because if I will probably not be satisfied intellectually with someone who is not able to meet or challenge me on a whole.

Sense of Humour:

Being able to see the sense of humour in life’s little adventures is important in a partner and a relationship for me. Being able to laugh, especially at oneself, is a very strong character trait – it shows the confidence, and compassionate part of them.

I want to know that there will be consequences when I disobey and that he will consistently apply them:

This never seemed quite as important to me as it is now.  It should not mean that one of the things that are critical should be neglected because He is afraid of hurting me. I can become despondent when I have done something wrong and the only way to move past it sometimes is to face and take that punishment in such a way He can only be proud of you. That punishment is the only thing that helps me move on, even if it still appears I am pouting. I call it more of a reflection. I am one of those people that do not react right away – it takes a bit to sink in.  No, it is not a way to get spanked or beaten. It is not a way to force Him to play with me. It is critical to my wellbeing to know that I will be handled in the way I need to be able to move forward. I do not enjoy punishment. He can tell you that.

I want to know that he can control himself.

How can a dominant control a submissive if He is unable to control himself? I want to know that when I chose Him – He is in control of his own life and emotions. It is hard enough to do everything as perfectly as I can for Him, without having to think of all the things I need to avoid to not face a temper. A dominant that screams and shouts to get things done, is not attractive.

I want to know that the dominant is willing to be well versed in the techniques of play and the toys.

I want to know that I will be safe and that He knows what He is doing or at least would want to be willing and committed to going for training with a mentor, or at the very least research. I know He is new and there is lots of chemistry. As He says, W/we are tuned into each other, Ying and Yang, the other Half of each other.  I do not want to be with someone who will hurt me unintentionally. I want to feel safe and cared for.  I have already been in one of those relationships; I do not want a repeat. In the Five years W/we have been together, I have never felt more protected than I am with Him.

I want to know that He understands and knows the psyche of me.

I do not want to be with someone who is looking for a slut or a tart and nothing else. I am looking for someone that knows that I want to serve and that I am not a doormat who wants to be abused. I am looking for the man who knows that I need to be controlled and I need to give my all. There is no halfway, and I need to know that all of me is not too much. He will never berate me as weak or desperate.


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