Seldom Seen Way

{February 5, 2014}   Five Ws and How.

I understand why there is an influx of people wanting to all of a sudden join the Lifestyle… however I don’t understand why people do not want to take the time to look at oneself and figure out these questions prior to jumping in with two feet.

This isn’t a frivolous jump. It is not all glamorous like the Books (and you know which one I am referring to). It actually takes a lot of investment on your part and whomever you wish to partake this with.

Let’s break down this to some of the questions involving the 5 W’s and How:

Why – Why do you wish to be in this Lifestyle? What sparked your interest? Did you always have a pre deposition to a role?

Who – Who are you? Are you straight? Lesbian? Gay? Bi-sexual, Transgender?
Who – Who does this involve? Are you interested in a monogamous, poly-amorous, a triad, orgy, same-sex, pan-sexual or a combination of these?

What – What are you looking for?
What – What are your fetishes? Are you experimental?
What – What are you soft limits? Hard limits?
What – What type of Dom/me or submissive are you? Daddy/little girl dynamic? Master/slave? A pet? Perhaps you relate more as to a Switch?

When – When will you have the time? Will it be only in the bedroom? Play dates? 24/7?
When – When will you take time to analyze yourself as you start growing/discovering?

Where – Do you wish to do this in your home? If living separately from your partner(s), perhaps their home? Are there Dungeons in your area? Private homes?
Where – Where will you go for support? Munches? Online groups? Websites that specialize such as Fetlife?

How – How will this affect your children if you have some? Family members? Close friends?
How – How will you approach this with the ones mentioned above if it comes up in conversation or you are “caught” or even “outed”?

As you can see, that is just a small sample of questions to be asking yourself… and anyone that you will be involved in. I could ask many more questions however I could be sitting here all night instead of actually working.

This all comes back to Communication. Communication doesn’t only have to be with another person…it also needs to be with yourself. Taking a REAL look and being HONEST with oneself. I believe that is the hardest thing to do. If you can’t do that with You – how the hell are you going to do it with Someone else.

Just realize it is not all whips, chains and rope. It is Time and Investment into your happiness and perhaps even into someone you want to share it with.

I treasure the time Syn and I just TALK. Last night – 4 hours of just talking – no playing, no mind-games, no teasing – just real talking about our goals and what we hope for from O/our relationship. That to me was more sexy than U/us playing – as it opens your Heart and spills out your mind to someone you cherish and love.

Take that time and Investment. Please.


annabianca2014 says:


ekidon says:

And Amen

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