Seldom Seen Way

{May 15, 2014}   The Right Reasons to Submit

I always had dark fantasies that made me sometimes wonder what was wrong with me – enjoying the feel of being given pain, being gagged, imagined ropes and shackles…. But my sense that something was wrong with these fantasies was tied to the seemingly opposite knowledge that I did not “deserve” to be treated this way. I knew I was intelligent, witty, caring, capable and responsible, a somewhat good and decent person. So why on earth did I want all those “bad” things?

Finding people of the same like-mind gave me valuable insight. I was not the only one who’d ever felt this way. I learned that the things I wanted were not bad in and of themselves.  Kneeling or crawling is not bad, if done for the right reasons, in the right time or place, with the right person. Being called a whore, bitch and a slut is not bad. Cleaning up after sex by licking the juices were not bad. Not even kneeling bound while someone urinates on you is bad; the right or wrong is all in the context. I was able to shed so many of the restrictions and what normal that society imposes on us, to look at these acts in an objective light. To actually figure out how I felt, and not by what everyone told me I should feel. This is very powerful revelation when you think about it.

I see many submissives in the Groups I am in with Social Networks (Fetlife and Facebook as examples) who come to this lifestyle hoping to find a magic cure. They think they NEED a Dom to feel complete and state as such (several times). It ultimately usually finds them more disappointed and confused. Worse, they may find themselves easy prey for others drawn to the lifestyle for all the wrong reasons. They are the ones who will only exploit you and make it even harder for you to trust yourself, others and know your own worth.

I am scared that many women (and men) submit for the wrong reasons. Many are naïve, lonely, and believe that a Dom will fill that void. Some have been so abused by their lives that they have come to despise themselves, and look for pain, humiliation and degradation because they feel they deserve no better. They come to believe that if they will let people do terrible things to them, or if they are “good” enough in their blind deference, then finally someone will give them the love they desire.

It only makes it more confusing to consider that some – not all, but some – have felt broken and incomplete in our vanilla society. There is something deep inside them that is simply different. Not bad, not “wrong,” just different from the path most people choose to tread. Until we challenge those needs, and accept that “difference,” we will always feel that something is missing. These are not healthy reasons to give yourself, your body or your soul to another Being. One way of thinking would be that the submission became a default survival behavior, not a choice.

It is just a matter of time when you know/find others who feel similar things will help you feel more comfortable in your own skin and more accepting of yourself.

So why do you want to submit? What is it about yourself that thinks you “need” a Dom to feel complete?

I believe, a true submissive serves from the heart, they don’t need a Sir/Master/Owner driving them to do something; they do it – willingly, gladly, and eagerly.

This is something that we willingly do, not because we are forced to do it but because we want/need to for ourselves to be complete.

Submission is not something that we give to everyone but rather to that special person or persons who capture our hearts. I would no more submit my body or will to a stranger then I would hand over my bank account information to anyone who asked.

When I see Syn’s glass half empty and I fill it, I take care of His needs sometimes before He realizes what it is He wanted.

We don’t need words of praise, the fact that Sir is content and comfortable is praise enough. Of course hearing a “good girl” makes the heart go a fluttering – however it is not the ultimate outcome I am looking for.

 A sub doesn’t need others to see that they’re submitting, the fact that they are is more than enough.

When your Sir tells you to come, you put down what you are doing and go gladly. You hope that you can provide some small thing to ease the comfort of your Sir.

The twinkle in the eyes of your Sir or the touch of Their hand on you is high praise and will please most submissives more than any award given.

The first thing to enter a submissive’s mind when you wake-up is “what can I do to help Him (or Her) today” and the last thing through your mind when they go to sleep is the pleasure that you have served Them well.

Before you decided to take the first “Dom” that showers you with compliments, emails you or expects you to submit  because He believes he is the One – remember that takes a great deal of inner strength and confidence to trust someone else with every part of us.  You are giving your life, heart and happiness into the care of Another. You need to trust that They will do you no harm but rather that They will nurture you and help you grow. And most importantly to trust that no matter what, They will always be there for you.

As I posted in a one of the Forums today – I think sometimes the issue is that many “try” too hard to find it. Sometimes the most vanilla of situations/relationships that start turn around into really what you needed after all. It will happen – when it happens. Patience is really a virtue.  Use this time to work on yourself – because everyone needs to with some aspect of your life.


Honesty is so rare. Lovely post. -Ret

seldomseenway says:

Thank you, that is sweet of you to say.

lucidsyn says:

Absolutely Brilliant Writing my little fae. ❤ I am very Proud of you….Your best to date.

What say you?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

et cetera
A Reverie Collective

Words that flow from Me, Sometimes deep and introspective, sometimes harsh and anguished, sometimes languid and sexy.

The Leather Mermaid

Musings of a slave

Beautifully Broken Submissive

Writings about my life as a wife, a submissive, a Pagan, a mother, a daughter, a lover, a student, an educator, a fighter and a peacemaker. Blessed be ⭐❤⭐

Julia Billingsley

Head Full Of Sunshine

The Ninth Life

It's time to be inspired, become encouraged, and get uplifted!

Sheep, Shotguns, Soapboxes and Shitshows

Musings with Happy Bedford, the angry sheep rancher

The Wacky World of Rita

. . . it is what it is

Sublimefemme Unbound

The unadorned intensity of queer femininity

Living With X

BDSM - Its not a lifestyle, its our life.


BDSM~ Learning, Loving and Connecting

Slut, Ph.D.

That's "Dr. Slut" to You

An Alternative Road to Happiness

Join me as I journey through the foreign lands of polamory and D/s to find happiness.

Dancing the Path

A journey of self descovery for a real BDSM submissive

One Slaves Perspective

Living the Lifestyle One Wish at a Time

Enigmatic Amor

Kinky and Curvy


This blog contains themes of an adult nature. It is intended for audiences 18 or older. This blog is NOT SAFE FOR WORK. If you are offended by nudity, explicit sexual material, or images of BDSM then this is not the blog for you. Have a great day!!


Cinnamon bites and kisses simultaneously. Vanta Bonna

On A Magic Carpet Ride

Lex's explorations, questions, wonderings, chaotic and usually confusing thoughts laid bare.

Slave Space

A Community For Sharing & Caring

%d bloggers like this: