Seldom Seen Way











{July 24, 2014}   It has been a long week and a bit…

My mother-in-law passed away July 18 at approximately 5 pm. She has been battling cancer for 15 years, and the last 7 were the worse.

As much as I was not one of her fans, I still would never wish the pain that she was in unto her or anyone for that matter.

The part that is interesting about all this… the day before (July 17) – N and her celebrated their 49th wedding anniversary… and that day – July 18 –  it was his birthday. She lasted long enough for N to get to the room… and my ex – R had dropped him off at the doors and went to park the truck. He didn’t make it to the room in time.

The doctors and nurses could not figure out how she remained alive for as long as she did.

She is in peace now… She battled for many years, in a sense she won … long enough to see her grandchildren grow up to be adults, she got time to spend with her family as a whole and friends who were part of the family.

My children and R are taking it a little hard but at the same time with relief that she is not suffering any more. Unfortunately I couldn’t be there longer tonight with them, however I know that my children came together tonight in my home. That in itself is something beautiful to see… being there and supporting each other.

I just needed to get this off my mind – as my head has been pounding most of the evening.

Today was the service for my Mother-in-law.
It was a small gathering in the United Church (small town) with family and friends.
It was also a short and to the point service – what you would expect from the family.
It was a lovely service – and it will be remembered by only one thing… R’s so called girlfriend.

Background: R is my husband still in marriage – separated for years. That is the easiest way to explain. I only know his girlfriend by what he tells me and anyone else that knows her.

When you go to a service – you believe you will see the family at least more sullen – she was not – as she walked down the aisle hand in hand with him… she kept looking at me with a large grin on her face… she looked so out of place amongst them.

I thought I was seeing things however my parents (who came and sat with me) actually commented on it. Soooo, I am not that crazy then.

Later after the service, we wandered outside as Mom had to have a smoke, we watched the family get into their vehicles to go to the cemetery for the intermittent… again she did it while they drove off.

By this time, I really wasn’t in the mood for it – even told Mom that if she did that once more – I might have the inclination to smack her smile off her face.

We all went to the basement, waiting for the family to come back. We sat in the back row by the door. They started to trickle in one by one. My brother-in-law and his girlfriend paused for a moment to speak with my Dad…as did a few others.

Here wanders in B, smile on her face, glances over, and then does something that was so awkward for everyone in the room – she leans over both my parents, puts out her hand to shake and states ” I don’t believe we have been properly introduced… I’m B”. All I could do was say “D.” and then dropped her fucking hand.

My mother couldn’t believe how “brazen” she was … and Dad said she was too cheeky. Two of my children sat with us – The youngest said “okthen” in that tone you know as what the fuck… and the Boy just shook his head.

At that point I didn’t want to go up and get food, as it past right by the head table with the family. I didn’t want to make anything more awkward for R. As my parents went up to grab food for our corner, a family friend that R and I have known for a very long time (and in a sense so did my parents) made a point to come over and sit down beside me. He said not to worry about her as she still hasn’t grown up, she doesn’t even realize what or how that looked. He then reassured me it will be alright…and proceeded to talk with the rest of the table.

It was sad that even my brother-in-law came by the table and rested his hands on my shoulders, asked how I was doing before he took his seat at the table next to us.

R and his sister were there in body – however their minds you could tell were numb.

Afterwards, when we needed to leave, I asked my son to be a buffer while I went to talk to R and give him a hug. I am grateful the Boy is 6’+ tall and I didn’t have to feel her glare on my back.

Outside after all was said and done, 2 family friends asked if I would go for a drink with them – I declined – as I didn’t want to have to deal with B if they did show up. I was thankful they asked – it meant a lot more than I think I could tell them.

That was my day in the little town I left several years ago… and I am glad that I don’t have to do that often.

I am so grateful for what I have now in my Life and the people I surround myself with. In a sense I wished that Syn was there… and in another – I am glad He wasn’t. I couldn’t have dealt with that much drama if I wanted to.

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