Seldom Seen Way

{August 6, 2014}   FFG – An Enlightening Weekend

I want to thank everyone that helped with the Event which in my opinion were not only the Staff and Presenters… but also every one that came. Without the collective – we would not have had the experiences we all had without each other.

In actuality I did a lot of cringing this past weekend. It was kinky camping for our Community. Everyone was doing a lot of Firsts and listing them… and for me… one thing stuck out the most. I felt a little left out and maybe in a sense it too was a First.

I cringed for nearly a week before it even started. The anxiety was building… and at work every night I could barely type from my hands shaking so much. I couldn’t sleep due to knowing I am going to be with a crowd of 60+ people for 4 days. A scary thought for an Introvert who is an empath.

I cringed at the idea of “camping” even though W/we brought a 30 foot trailer (Sorry Nilla – for the scare of not knowing where to put it). I am grateful for the camper – I could go to it and recharge and ground myself slightly.

Thankfully W/we left every day in the morning to shower and get a coffee – to have some vanilla/familiarity. I need to get away from the energies that were generated as there were many times my head felt like it was going to explode, and the buzzing of my hands/feet got too much at times.

I cringed at the thought of using a Port potty – I am very claustrophobic – and did cringe when I had to use it… quickly. I also had a bathroom in the camper – however 4 days without having the opportunity to clean it out was the factor for their use.

I cringed at hearing/seeing a water boarding scene in the dungeon. Water and me – are not that friendly. When I was younger I fell in the river while I was fishing with my Father…probably to this day that is why I do not fish – it is a small reminder somewhere in my back of my mind. Thank you to TOM for easing my feelings – and reassure me that it was alright to leave if it was too much – yet encouraged me to stay and watch.

I cringed at watching a scene in the dungeon – not because of what it was… more because it reminded me of how W/we played – and I felt every hit, slap, and caress as it was given. It wasn’t a bad cringe, but more of feeling of an out of body experience and watching it happen. Thank you to River and Dominique to experience your scene – it made us feel good about the way W/we play.

I cringed during the electrical play demo with violet wands – I didn’t have such a good experience with them in my earlier years of playing. It was used as punishment not in a way that was pleasurable. Thank you to Everett and elle for the demo. I was able to stand there and have the wand touch me without me freaking out. I won’t associate it with punishment only any more.

I cringed at the thought of a Hawthorn branch being used on me. It was a gift from Captain to my Sir…for play later on the weekend. I may have cringed at the thought… In reality – it was a highlight for U/us. Being flogged with a Hawthorn branch was exhilarating and Syn realized He could play harder with me… and I would not break. He was so proud of me and the marks He put on me…He showed them when He could. Thank you to my Sir for being Himself and allowing Himself to let go … and to Captain/Ayla for always being there for U/us if needed.

Reality hit me Hard when W/we got back, however I didn’t have time to deal with it. My focus was on Syn and how He would handle it after the fact. Syn was coming down from the weekend and reached out to me. W/we had a late coffee and let Him just talk…touch Him, reassure Him. I am okay, I am still here with Him and I love Him more and more every day. He did not break me into a hundred pieces.

As I was driving Him home, knowing He was taken care of, it started to creep up on me slowly. I parked in His driveway – and nearly in tears but holding back. I love Him so much, He knew I needed to say something and waiting patiently He held my hand.

The one thing I did not cringe at was when Syn at one point started to call me His slave… and not sub. I needed to tell Him that.

I wished for more. I craved it after this past weekend. Crave for what You say?
For about 2-3 weeks I had been practising more of a medium protocol…along with O/our usual. I was always on His Left side, I sat at His feet except at Demos, I slightly presented His water to Him…etc. There is more, however I will not bore You, the reader with it.

I craved it – wanted to do all of it – without thought, slave space was easier to get into than I imagined.

He asked a simple question as we sat in the Truck – Did it hurt you to do what you did all weekend?

No – it was easy – it was natural.

“Then you answered your own question(s) to yourself… your medium protocol is now your low protocol.”

Thank you Sir – for taking the hour or so and letting me walk myself in a circle to get to the answer with all the Love and Patience You gave of Yourself. I am blessed to have You as my Master, Partner, Lover, and Other Half.

After the MaST meeting discussing label and the box it puts you into, I have had a task.

Why do I think I am not a slave?
What changes will there be if I call myself a slave?

After that meeting, any time I hear/see that word, I would shudder when it was written or said – I have been baulking at the term even though I live it every day. And you know what – NOTHING has changed between U/us. W/we will always be Syn and seldomseenway…the label change is nothing more than that.

After this weekend – it finally came together in my head.

Thank you Lady Leanne for the best line that weekend and quite fitting to use now:

“Do You even know who I am?”

This is one time I can be positively say yes too:

Hi there. Let me introduce myself – I am seldomseenway, Syn’s slave – Owned, Collared and His property.


lucidsyn says:

As I said, I am Beyond overjoyed with you My little fae, I am honored to have you as my slave and to feel the emotion you put into this post warms my heart… I love you, and could not be a happier Master at this point.

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