Seldom Seen Way

{October 14, 2014}   Be Submissive – Not Passive

“Submissive by nature are submissive so would not pursue. Dominant personalities pursue.”

“Submissive (or passive) behaviour means shying away from saying what you really mean and not seeking to achieve your needs, particularly when someone else has conflicting needs. When things go wrong, the submissive person is likely to assume that they are to blame in some way, and accept culpability when singled out by other people.”

This quote (from a group we belong to) and definition (I found wandering around in internet land) actually bothers me…in the sense that why being of a s-type you still can’t control your life when it comes to finding a Mate as an example.

This was in response to a question that Sir made as an observation and wanted different views from – the group is mainly made up of s-type females. Honestly I am not surprised with most of the answers; however I am disappointed that I read most thinking the same way.
I am submissive by nature – in ways of service especially. Saying one is submissive in my opinion does not mean that my entire being (nature) is submissive without having some say in what is going to happen in my Life. Submissive doesn’t mean I cannot be aggressive… I can be a Mother Bear when needed. It also doesn’t mean that you do not have a voice or choice in your relationships. I do not think a relationship ever just falls in your lap and you live happily ever after.

Being submissive does not make you a doormat or mean that you must be passive in every aspect of your life, or be submissive in any way to anyone you may meet. On the contrary being submissive can ultimately make you a stronger person. And most submissives are strong-willed and intelligent – well most anyway LoL.

Passive/Submissive does not equal a pushover/doormat. Even if you consider yourself passive, I believe that you do have a strong personality – normally. In other words, you know who you are, and, as much is as possible, you know what you want out of life. That’s not a bad thing at all – and I wish people would not think it is.

There is a difference between being passive, and submissive. I am very passive when it comes to decisions, and how things are ran. Because most of the time I honestly don’t care – and if that is what the Dom wants – so be it. Want to paint the kitchen white? Sure, that’s not going to stop me from eating in it. However there are certain times I will want to put my foot down and say “No, that’s not going to happen”…that is when I have to throttle back the aggression and realize He knows what is best – and will take what I want in to consideration. Most of the time I really couldn’t care less about some decisions – He obviously has our best interest at Heart. When it comes to other areas such as Work, I have very many dominant traits in me so Passive and Dominant is very possible. I prefer being more so submissive though.

I think when it comes to men though; you do have to learn to be a little more assertive. I think that many are attracted towards “confident” men, but there’s a difference between true confidence and just the façade of confidence. That’s something that you have to learn to distinguish – and that is where your own self-respect, and confidence should direct you in choosing and pursing.

Being that there seems to be more subs than Dom/mes I want to ensure that I snagged the right Partner for me as there are slim pickings. I know what I want from a person AND then from a relationship. If a Dom/me ratio (just as an example 1 to 5) wouldn’t you want to pursue – Let them know and not just “hint” at it – the Dom/me if they are a person you wanted to get to know better knowing? They might disappear from your life or find another person who was a little bit more “aggressive” without you trying.

We hear so many from the group talk about what shitty relationships they got themselves into – yet they weren’t the ones that pursued … they accepted the first person that came up to demand their submission because they think that is how it works. They don’t want to be Domless because the way they make it sound it is worse than being the crazy cat lady or spinster.

When it comes to finding a Partner to go through Life – I want to ensure that I want to be with that person, be able to connect intellectually, emotionally and physically. And yes I understand that you can have D/s & M/s without love however in my opinion that will not fill all your needs in the long run – just the initial wants.

I don’t think I have ever pursued a Dom/me for a relationship for anything but a vanilla one to start off with. I learn more from the vanilla setting about the person I think – in their “natural” setting…if the Dominance trait sneaks out – you can go forward and discuss if that is something you want to do with them.

It has worked for me – I am keeping this One – I am not going anywhere at least not without Him.


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