Seldom Seen Way

{March 16, 2015}   The days before my weekend really started.

So these last few days have been up and down… there is no other way to describe them.

I said I would write about them – and I will – it is a way to finally get it out of my head.

My youngest daughter has been dealing with a miscarriage for a few days. She was in an emergency Thursday night due to her having so much pain that she went down to the floor.

Her manager took her to the hospital where she was there for 5 hours – but due to the pregnancy being newly discovered in the last 2 weeks, they could not tell if there was a heart beat.

She and her girlfriend messaged me that they would be at the house after I was done work please note that is 1 am – and you can imagine when you get a text stating I have something important to tell you… what it does to you.

I message Sir – inform Him that I am going home a touch early because of said message… I get in my car – and pray to the Goddess that whatever it is please don’t be pregnant – it is the only thing I do not think I could deal with… please be a move, a new job, lost a job, etc.

You know that feeling you get when you know the answer… that calm – you do know feeling – I had that moment 5 minutes before I got home.

I came through the door – K and A sitting on the sofa… the first thing K asks… “Are you in a good mood mom?”

** I am in as good as a mood as I can be K.  Tell me what is going on.

“Do I have to tell you?”

** I may know what it is – you still have to tell me or show me that is your choice.

“I will show you” /goes into the kitchen to her purse, grabs a piece of paper. It confirms she is pregnant – 3 days before my birthday.

“I didn’t want to upset your birthday mom – you were having a bad week”

**When it comes to you children – nothing would upset me – you are my children and I am always here K…You know that – otherwise you wouldn’t be sitting on the sofa right now having this conversation.

“I know mom”

** And being a mom – You need to know – you have 3 options of what you want to do – unless you already know. Have the baby, Have the baby/adoption, and terminate the pregnancy.

“I am keeping the baby, mom”

** Okay.

I knew that was the option – she needed to hear them anyway.

She had been spotting the other day – and thought that was normal… however the next day, she started to bleed. Her cervix hadn’t opened up, and a nurse said she thought she heard a heartbeat, and the doctor thought he didn’t. Her hCG were sitting at 7000 that night.

She was scheduled for an ultrasound in the morning – she was bleeding still – she had an internal and external one… as we waited for those results back in the emergency – the doctor came and said they were unable to see anything on it – at that time I had K tell them she passed a blood clot this morning. It was most likely the tissue.

They needed another blood test – it came back at 5000 hCG – still too high to confirm it was an actual miscarry.

Two days – Saturday the day we were to go the City – she had another blood test – this time M took her in – as he needed to know what was going on – even though they were not together anymore.

I couldn’t sit at home to wait – I did my morning ritual – and got the fuck out of the house. I took my tablet to  our Timmies and sat at our table waiting. If I couldn’t have Sir with me – I was at least going to get close to it. I was keeping Him up to-date via text/gtalk. The houses seemed claustrophobic to me.

I got the confirmation it was a miscarry at 4 pm. I was sad that a new life wasn’t going to come into this world – however relieved at the same time. At 19 – K is not stable enough to have a baby – financially and emotionally. I love her dearly – but she is still a child mentally.

That day she got pain medication because it was worse than the night before – and goes for more blood tests/check up middle of the week. They said they won’t have to do a D&C.

I so needed the trip to Winnipeg – to get away from it all. I only can imagine what K was feeling. I know she was sad – and relieved too. It doesn’t make it any better though.

All I can say – there was much that I left out concerning the situation she was in and how it came about… the other things we had to deal with while sitting at a hospital in a small city when you know people every where – though they don’t know WHY you are there… it added to the stress.

The doctors/nurses/lab assistants during all this were wonderful… that made up for the wait(s) we had to do.

I will end this here… I will blog about the rest of the weekend tomorrow.


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