Seldom Seen Way

{April 27, 2015}   I know He is busy.

I really hate this working opposite shift thing.

And sometimes I feel like I am a touch too needy.

Even with social media/Gtalk to help keep close… not hearing from Him since 3 pm… makes me feel like I am alone – and that is the only word I can think of at the moment.

I know I am not.

I know I need to suck it up.

I know everything is al-right – yet I have that little voice in the back of my head.

It is Whispering “Everything is too good to be true.”, “you can’t be happy” “there must be something wrong”

My head starts pounding, I see the screen blurring in front of me, my heart starts to race – anxiety sets in.

Take a moment to settle head, breathe to settle heart down, focus instead of blurring.

Yeah – I get like this – a lot more than I admit to people. Sure I look like I have my shit together, honestly though, I am like a basket full of restless cats. He knows I get like this, He accepts it, and knows how and what I need. To someone watching from the outside, they just don’t see me like that.

I am a Supervisor with minions, and responsibilities of a couple of Plants/people. I am educated, I appear smart, level headed.

It has taken years to get this appearance to happen.

I am still a basket of cats.

I am writing to focus, attempting to pull from my thought clouds what I feel. It isn’t always pretty. At least it isn’t self-hate any more – it is more of an awareness of what is happening at this moment.

I am now going to keep myself busy, until He is able to message me.

Weather check is coming – just being patient.


O.Spoon says:

I absolutely love this and feel it. Thank you

lucidsyn says:

You are loved. More than I can express my Little Fae, and no matter whether I can message or not, know that you are ALWAYS the first thing on my mind, no matter what I am doing. ❤ Deep Breaths and perhaps the Cats will Calm thensleves and Sleep in a Sunbeam for a while.

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