Seldom Seen Way











{June 15, 2016}   Dearest Kitten,

Good morning to you (or at least my morning).

You have asked how i think our relationship is going – and i said i would answer once i had a computer in front of me. i suppose this is a good time then.

One moment – i must get a tea…. *insert elevator music here*

Back i am – though change of plans…coffee it is.

Now where was i? Our relationship in all honesty is “just” starting. You do talk to Sir more than i – and i really am alright with that. i understand that relationships take time to nurture and will not go at the same pace as others.

However in saying that – you do lean heavily on Him especially when it comes to me. The assumption that because Sir may have gotten information or a blog link etc, does not mean i got it. At times it feels like i may be an afterthought…or something was said/asked only because Sir told you to do so.

Do i really  know that much about you – and if i do it is through Sir – my bad on this – as this is a two way street. You would only know what Sir has told you or what you observed/listened from things i have said.

Now to remedy some of that me thinks.

How about asking me the simple questions to get to know me…Things such as favourite food? colour? Do you have siblings? Tell me about your children? what is your favourite past-time? Do you play any instruments? Who do you idolize and why?

See where i am going with this? Instead of focusing on the OMG things in our Life, start with the standard get to know yous. The Heavy Shit is for another time – when we are comfortable to discuss these first. If i need to tell you something that is Heavy and it is due to something we are doing – i will let you know..and if possible as to why.

Knowing myself, i can be a hard person to get to know. i do not trust the intentions of people – knowing/saying/doing things must align before it happens.

When it does, you must know a few things about me.

First off that i am blunt- i will tell you like it is – even if it hurts your feelings. People don’t  want to hear certain things, and i am not one to go and tread carefully on egg shells. At times people call me an Asshole because of this – i am more than all right with this. I expect the same back.

Self-hate is another thing that will shut me down when it comes to a person. It is one thing to use your inside voice occasionally (because who doesn’t think that their hair is not co-operating or your muffin top is pissing you off that day) – it is another, when it is what you focus on the most vocally and in your head.

Being an em-path, i can feel/see your emotions and energy – and it can and does become too much for me…hence the shield i put up. It saves me from being exhausted all the time. Even if you are not in the room with me, i know when shit is flying around people’s head/Life.

An example: Going to MAsT one day – an hour into the trip to the City i received the hugest headache – out of nowhere. i got a feeling something was wrong. i voiced to Sir the issue i was having and with whom i thought it was. We got to that meeting finally – and sure enough, the energy in that room was bad – a tingle bad. A hug from one of the people i suspected confirmed it. The energy buzzing off her was more than i was prepared for…and speaking with her partner – the same issue.

My blog posts on this forum do mention a lot about who, what, how and when…it is a matter of reading it – and asking if something isn’t clear or you wish me to let you know more. i am very open about that – more than people give me credit for. i do not hide from myself or others.

Verbal diarrhea (i call it) or even small talk is not something i engage in. If you want to get away from a person you are talking to in the fastest possible way – have me around LoL.

By the way – i am not sure what your favourite colour is – just that you don’t like Orange. Mine tends to be red and purple – though i tend to wear a lot of black, brown, and grey with the odd splash of colour to the chagrin of Sir.

In the last month or so, i have been taking it slow with you. The idea of forcing you to accept a female lover (as kinky as that can be) is not something you need at the moment. i intimidate you – and you state as such – you need to figure out why.

And please do not use experience as the answer – that rarely works as an answer for me. Everyone has to start somewhere, and when you have someone WILLING to help that is NOT going to Judge and it is mentioned all the time- it is frustrating when at times especially when we are in bed – you are scared to touch me. The easiest way to say it – It feels very one-sided. It is me touching you and giving you the pleasure…nothing more.

If you are not ready to have a girlfriend – i am more than all right with this and would understand…perhaps you need more of a confidante, mentor or a girl friend – and down the road something more? This is something you need to figure out what you need/want. You need to learn i can be whatever you want me to be.

Kitten, i do care for you  – though it is hard to break through the “broken little girl” mentality you are using as of late. You need to work on you – and put action into it. i want to help you become a better you – only if you want to. i want to be there for the accomplishments, and even the failures (as we can’t have one without the other and how else do we learn) to back you up and push you to succeed in whatever you choose to do.

As i am sure i do have more to say – i would suggest you digest this first, ask questions and do NOT assume the worse or be negative. If you wish to discuss with Sir first – i would say do it – as He speaks Dot-speak. And please read my earlier blog posts – they will help you a lot.

Fair Warning: Tonight is Cali night – i will be very busy – as that is what my work entails – to be busy, cram a shit load of work in a tiny time period and be accurate with all the data. Fuck that sounds like me in a nutshell – kinda scary.

If this is all over the place – i do apologize – i am a thinker first and then a writer. The time given for me was a bit tighter than i wanted today 🙂

 

Waiting for you,

Dot

 

 

 

 

 

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