Seldom Seen Way

{July 20, 2016}   Not feeling very slave like right now.

Well i feel pretty small and ungrateful…maybe even selfish. Sir is at work now. i had mini meltdown in car on the way to His work. He was trying to tell me that He hopes i enjoy the visit with TC…and all i could muster was “i don’t really know why i am going” with Him responding “because you are a good friend”… Except that i barely have enough energy to make it worthwhile. Hard to enjoy yourself when you are dragging yourself to do it…it seems i am the one to always bend – fuck up my day – and act like it doesn’t matter.

It is physically getting more difficult to do so. Sir then tells me He will bus to work in the morning then. To top it off because i was in a mood…i got an ” okay then” “I love you” and no kiss goodbye.

i sat in the car…eyes filled up with tears… Watching Him go unlock the shop to let Himself in and as I drove away – crying on the way home. Still tears as i write this remembering His tone and mine. His statement of taking the bus made me feel that i couldn’t do a simple task of taking Him to work. i failed Him in something.

i know i haven’t failed Him somewhere in the back of my thoughts… He is trying to make it easier for me…however it doesn’t change my thought process on this. Disappointed more within myself.

Normally it wouldn’t hit this hard…i think with Work being as it has for this week, hormones raging, weekend just past and my sleep being erratic as of late… It makes my insecurities sneak out more.

Going to see if an hour nap will help lift my spirits…i sure hope it does.



Xtac says:

a slight smile comes to my face…i can feel my eyes twinkle and my insides jump with excitement. i am His.

seldom seen way - ramblings of a slave... says:

Indeed – during the nap (or what i call half eye closed time) i was pulling that out to help me relax.

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