Seldom Seen Way

{September 13, 2016}   Safe Place.

i have been hiding in the corners of the mind, not wanting to peek out and see who might be out and about.

i need to write and i do not feel that i can be as open as i used to be. i am angry still. The angry keeps getting fuel with mini flare-ups in my head.

The holiday i had started off not bad (great play with Sir…with BK helping at the end) – however things were still the same with Kitten…a little part of me said to stop – this is not helping you, and more frustrating by the minute, hour, the day.

Words mean nothing unless you follow through. For me, that becomes a trust thing. There was none at that point.

i told Sir i was going to break up with her a couple of times, and each time, i gave another chance – more for Him than me – hoping that things would change. That wasn’t the case.

Again, i told Sir. He said it was your relationship to do as you will. If you are unhappy, do what you need to do.

On Tuesday of my holiday, that is what happened. There was no connection on any level – because she poured herself into Sir, not me. It is hard to connect with someone when they see and use you as a Library.

Anyway – i need to get past this – this is me attempting to do that. i need to have my safe place to write again. i am missing it.


Xtac says:

It sounds like a problem that needs resolution. Problem solving is the domain of the Dominant. The Dominant solves the problems, offers the resolutions. The question becomes, whose happiness will the resolution best serve. You have to be prepared to accept the outcome of that.

seldom seen way - ramblings of a slave... says:

In this case – her relationship with me… was with me… and Sir’s was separate. He ended up in the middle a lot of the time – which wasn’t fair. It didn’t work and I accept that – I am angry at how it came about and the behaviours after the fact.

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