Seldom Seen Way











{October 14, 2016}   Act of Engaging
***This is a post i started many moons ago.  It is just now that i am getting back to it – bits and pieces, here and there. ***

Yes, that word can get pretty messy sometimes.

i find it is the easiest way to deal with some individuals is not to engage them… as they do not get the hint, that the subject has been dropped. Basically – it is done – in my mind anyway. i am not going to waste any more time, and giving myself a headache.

i notice that with many friends of late, you can start engaging in a conversation, or situation that you know is going to blow up into something bigger than it should. And then you wonder…should i even continue.

For some people, it is like a fuel to the fire. They enjoy it in a sense… a slight high from it. You can actually see them getting off on it. The experience i have from this one was the ex-husband – it gave me a lot of practise to know how to deal with it – almost on a daily basis. You get really good at learning how to diffuse small fires before they become too big and consume everyone and everything around you.

i find these people like to monopolize time even when you are not with them. The time spent dealing with them… along with the time spent venting to your partner(s) or friends about them becoming an obsession sometimes with them. They steal your time and your energy – more than you even start to realize.

The one thing i love about being an introvert is that engaging with people is not something i seek out. i do not want to be the center of attention however, i do not want to be ignored entirely either. i will engage if i need to.

Not engaging in conversations that irk me or you can see the other person doing it for attention, pardon i will change that, doing it for validation makes me sad that a person has to do that to feel worthy.

Engaging with these type of people feels like you are going in a circular motion with no end coming. It does not matter what you say to them, it will never be enough, or it is too much and they end up taking something entirely something else from it. It appears to be always to be One extreme or another. They are never happy without having the Last Word – Whatever  and how that may be.

There is a subset of people i at times do want to engage with however their intelligence and emotional IQ being that it is low and/or get in the way of a good conversation, would in the end just frustrate me to get them to understand what i was willing to bring to the conversation.

When i talk about these people, i usually am referring to people who are religion / political zealots, and managers/supervisors whose heads are too big –  actually anyone that feels they have any amount of Power over you (and no, i am not talking about someone you submit to WILLINGLY.)

There are still moments that i open up my mouth when i know i should not – though it is rare these days. i instantly regret doing it, and attempt to back out before i make it worse for all parties. The ones that make it the hardest, are the persistent ones… they do not know enough to leave it be.

Sometimes words are not needed and Learning that pushing will not solve/make better a situation every time. You need to accept that. You are not always going to feel better when you do it. You are not always going to get the reaction that you are hoping.

Engaging is an Art at times. Just be prepared for the Outcome – whatever it may or not be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Xtac says:

What a great study of people, in general. I need to come back and re-read this from time to time. Great insights here.



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