Seldom Seen Way











{April 24, 2017}   It taunts me…

the Write button… posted in the corner of the screen. It has a small (8) beside it. That is 8 drafts sitting in waiting.

There are several more drafts waiting in my head to be started and not finished. Last week i have already deleted 4 from the list…

i get all gong ho to write, sit down to start or finish one… and then the brain gives me a gentle fuck you. It seems to be enough to procrastinate even more. It doesn’t matter what else i choose to call it – it is just that.

Then the procrastination becomes a wall. A huge red brick wall.

There i am struggling to get through it, however, the mortar on the brick is keeping it up and strong.

Instead, i will try to go over it or maybe even around it.

In a sense, i am writing now, though it is nothing of substance. Perhaps i will try again later 🙂 – the journey to get this far has been tiring.

 

dot.

 

 



i am feeling pretty useless right now… and not because i am sick or such…

i get this way at times… right now it doesn’t help that i am in the middle of hiring a part-time evening person. This wrecks havoc on my world…in small ways that eventually hit me square in the face.

i look like i am permanently wearing Goth make-up on purpose…the black under my eyes are horrid, the head aches are more frequent, and i just don’t want to get out of the bed.

i have been trying to keep myself busy around the house which really isn’t hard except it seems it is never-ending – then it becomes overwhelming. When you want to do ALL the things, and want them all done at once – yet you don’t know where to start.

This month, i have decided that i do need to take time everyday to myself – technology free…with 30 minutes of ACTUAL physical movement (that is not part of me running around the house cleaning). This is proving difficult however i am doing the best i can do with the crappy schedule ahead of me.

Sir did go for a walk with me on Monday around the block – damn wind doesn’t like me – yet we got it done. i am missing the walks with Sir, the general get out and move the butt type things. i need to get Sir out of the house more too…He needs to move more than His usual on His feet at work.

Food is my downfall right now…either i want to eat EVERYTHING… or i want to eat NOTHING. There is no in-between. The mood swings are getting hard to put in place too – i want to rage or i do…at times i think Sir thinks i am fucking crazy. Please note, i do not rage at Him… just everything around me.

And when i do that… i just want to curl up in the bed – forget about everything. Now that i live with Sir, i cannot do this…however i think i need to wallow at times…cry as if i am alone….just to get it out of the system. Sure there are a few hours during the day after i drop Him off a work…except that time when i get back to the house is already allotted.

Well this post got away from me…i should finish the order that is in front of me…otherwise my phone will be ringing to interrupt the quiet i actually have been getting these nights at work.

Dot.

 

 



{January 15, 2016}   3 AM – Finally done the day.

Yep… ready for Bed – snuggle up to Sir’s warm body – that is where I am headed.

It is going to be another long day tomorrow from the look of things.

Good night A/all!

 

Dot.



{March 27, 2015}   I need to blog…

however I am not in the right mindset to do it.

I have had to switch my shift 3x this week ( Monday/Tuesday and today being #3) – and my brain is not a happy camper with all this.

So another placeholder *reminder* to myself to get to it on the weekend at some point.

Hope your day is a great one!

Laters A/all

Dot



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