Seldom Seen Way











When you read these two words together, it seems to be an oxymoron. TPE relationships have one person in control and another “blindly” follow – or so it seems. The last couple of weeks I have been posting several memes on Facebook (and here) that encompass a few of things I am going to talk about. It has been getting me thinking a lot and has come up in conversation with a few different people.

Isn’t a TPE relationship dependent on each other to make it work? When does it cross the line into codependency? Can codependency be healthy? What really is the difference between the two?

In both a codependent and a TPE relationship, there is usually one person who is more passive/obedient/submissive and can’t/won’t/accepts another to make decisions for themselves and a more dominant personality who gets some reward and satisfaction from controlling the other person and making decisions about how they will live.

While you are in a TPE relationship, you would hope that you are growing as a person (first) and as a couple. That is the difference – codependency stops us from examining the best part of ourselves. It also hinders the potential for further growth in the relationship – and within our own growth as a person.

There are some things to do to stop the co-dependency. Remember YOU can still serve your Master, without losing yourself.

S-types tend to focus all their attentions on another and spend their lives thinking about others. When this happens you may not understand how to determine your own needs, wants, goals, and desires.  We need to learn and practise to perform self-care techniques in order to focus on our own well-being. These include reducing your stress, physical activity, getting enough sleep, and eating well.

I think every person needs to build healthy, flexible boundaries in all of our relationships. You learn this by lovingly detaching yourself – be your own person and learn to release your control of others needs and well-being.

I find the hardest thing to do is recognise your internal criticisms and personal need for perfection, by accepting yourself and any uncomfortable emotions. I say – own them – they are yours and deal with them. Even as s-type you can become assertive about your personal needs and values.

I find that many of the characteristics of both mimic each other … sometimes a little too closely. Interesting enough, I find that it can be from either side of the slash or together as a couple.

One thing I have noticed with many relationships is the Art of Enabling. This is a sign of an unhealthy codependence. Too many times, I have witnessed the use of enabling to help ease any type of relationship tension caused by one partner’s awkward and/or difficult habits.

Some examples include never letting them speak for themselves, bailing your partner out as to not having to deal with situations, repeatedly giving them another chance, ignoring the problem altogether, accepting their excuses, always being the one trying to fix the problem, or constantly coming to the rescue (or fondly called White Knighting)

What other things do you do that would make you think you are in a co-dependent relationship?

I hear too often (and I know I have used the phrase on an occasion or two) is the phrase “I can’t live without you” Another variation of it:  “I don’t know what I would do if you were not here”.

Romanticising M/s to this degree is not a healthy thing. I know, this is supposed to be romantic, but if you really look at it, it’s not. You sound more like an accessory which is different from the actual connection you should be having with your partner. It’s not sexy and it’s certainly not satisfying. I wish people would recognise their oneness and completeness so that you can truly enjoy the other person in your life rather than being half of a person who is incomplete without someone else.

Before we go too far down the rabbit-hole we should establish a couple of things. There are two types of people in a codependent relationship. You will need to determine which role (if not reversed in certain circumstances) your partner is in a codependent relationship.

The codependent individual is known as the ‘’caretaker’’, while the other individual in the relationship, is known as the ‘’taker’’. The takers typically have an unrestrained need for control of the attention, love, sexual relations, and approval they get and will give. This will often be shown through bouts of violence, blame, anger, irritation, criticism, neediness, righteousness, incessant talking, invasive touching, or emotional drama.

The taker can often express these behaviours outside of the codependent relationship. It can then affect their children, work relationships, and their relationships with friends.

There are several characteristics of being one with co-dependent behaviour.  I have noticed in past relationships I have had, and in relationships that are around me now the idea of co-dependency existing in a power exchange – on an entirely different level.

When looking at a TPE relationship, many of these characteristics/actions seem to occur over time without the participants even noticing. You get comfy in your roles, it seems to become the norm, and nothing is amiss…or so you think – yet the people around you see it very clearly.

One of the first things you will notice is that boundaries do not exist anymore. Boundaries divide up what are yours and somebody else’s – an imaginary line if you will. It isn’t referring to your body, money, and belongings, but to your feelings, thoughts and needs – your whole being. The person starts to have undefined or weak boundaries between themselves and others. They feel responsible for other people’s feelings and problems or go the other way and blame their own on someone else.

Now because of your issue with boundaries, you will notice that a consequence of poor ones is that you react to everyone’s thoughts and feelings. If someone says something you disagree with, you either believe it or become defensive. You absorb their words because there is no boundary. With a boundary, you’d realize it was just their opinion and not a reflection of you and you don’t feel threatened by the differences.

The Master is NOT always right – OH! No! Please do not say that! It cannot be!  It is one thing to be -one- with the Master, it is another to still have a boundary and have a voice all on your own. I find that many follow like sheep (okay – sheep do not always go where you guide them – trust me…raised them at one point in my life – best analogy I can think of at the moment). If a Master cannot say they are wrong and/or apologize by owning something, you have bigger issues. It forms resentment and a breach of trust and respect.

Codependents need other people to like them to feel okay about themselves. They are afraid of being rejected or neglected, despite the fact that they can function on their own. Other ones need to always be in a relationship because they feel depressed or lonely when they are by themselves for too long. This characteristic makes it hard for them to end a relationship. This includes when the relationship is painful or abusive and then end up feeling trapped. Vicious cycle it becomes, and it seems we all know a couple or two that are experiencing this. I have personal experience with my ex-husband on this front.

One of the problems people face in getting help for codependency is that they are in denial about it. They just don’t want to face their problem(s). Usually, they think the problem is someone else or with the situation. They either keep complaining or trying to fix the other person. Some go from one relationship to another and never own up the fact that they are the ones with the problem.

A codependent also will deny their feelings and needs. Instead, they are focused on what others are feeling and don’t know what they are feeling.  The same thing goes for their needs. They focus on other people’s needs and not their own and might be in denial of their need for space and autonomy. A Master should see and push a slave to own their feelings. It is beneficial for the slave to have activities/hobbies that do not involve Master – and vice versa.

Codependency does create stress and leads to many different painful emotions. The shame and low self-esteem will create anxiety and fear about:

-Being judged – Am I “slavey” enough?

-Being a failure – What if I can’t do what is asked of me?

-Making mistakes – “Oh no, I forgot to ask permission to eat.”

-Being alone/abandoned or even rejected “If I don’t do this, they will leave me”

-Being trapped “No one else will want me, I have nowhere to go”

 

These all, in turn, will lead to feelings of anger and resentment, depression, hopelessness, and despair.

How do you know you are in an unhealthy co-dependent relationship with your TPE Partner? These are some questions you could ask yourself.

Do you have a tendency to avoid conflict or uncomfortable emotions, or masking your emotions with passive-aggressive expressions of anger or humour?  Or does Master take it on for you instead? The codependent believes that help is needed and that the person in need cannot manage to make the right decisions or take the right actions to solve their own problems.

Do you take the responsibility for other people’s actions or overcompensate for your partner’s actions?

A codependent will expend enormous amounts of energy to take charge of another’s life-all under the guise of sincerely wanting to help. When the help or advice is ignored or rejected, does it feel like anger, abuse, and not being unappreciated?

Do you offer advice to others whether it is asked for or not? A codependent will jump at the opportunity to provide much-needed advice.

Codependents often do not understand boundaries. Once advice has been given, do they expect the advice to be followed?

Do you need others’ validation to feel good about yourself? Do you have an extreme preoccupation with the opinions of others or valuing their opinions over your own?

Do you have misconceptions that love means rescuing another person, which leads to constant thoughts of the other person’s needs instead of your own?

Do you go out of your way to please another, hoping to receive love, approval, or be accepted and liked? A codependent will feel victimised – if the approval is not given.

Do you give more than your share in the relationship? This is a tricky one, as a slave, you do a lot of things for the Master…the question is what are you getting back in return?

Do you have difficulty saying no or having guilt over being assertive?  There are ways to say you are not happy with something in a respectful manner. This goes both for your TPE relationship and other relationships you might have (i.e. family, friends).

Do you have difficulty communicating, identifying your own needs, or making decisions?

If these do not help you to identify based on these tendencies or behaviours, ask yourself questions that help reveal it.

Does/has the person you have a relationship with every hit or abused you in any way other than consensually and/or in a scene?  Abuse can be defined as emotional and mental besides physical.

Does the person use manipulation, shame, or guilt to control another’s behaviour? To get their way codependents will respond in a manner that will force compliance by others. These tactics may even be unconscious. And since everyone else’s behaviour is a reflection on the codependent, it is important that the codependent feel in control.

Do you get overwhelmed by how much you have to do, but never take the time to ask for help?

Do you go out of your way to avoid an argument?

Do you worry constantly about how others think about you? Do you think other people’s opinions are more important than yours?

Does the person you live with have a drinking or drug problem?

Do you find it hard to adjust to changes in any environment?

Do you get jealous or rejected when your partner spends times with friends/other people? This is one i know i have to fight with often – it is just a matter of owning the feeling and realizing that they need their space too.

Do you take everything personally or the person you are with does?  Because there are little to no boundaries in a codependent’s life, any remark, comment or action is a reflection back upon the codependent. This makes the need to feel in control at the forefront of a codependent’s Life.

Codependents develop techniques to lie to themselves about others’ behaviours, as they do not deal directly with their feelings. And because they feel responsible for others’ behaviours, they will justify and accuse others of their loved one’s poor behaviour. They sometimes even blame themselves for another’s poor behaviour, seeking to maintain control.

Codependent fears that if they are not successful at everything, or indeed expresses their feelings or needs, they will be rejected. In a codependent’s way of thinking, they will be unlovable. A codependent does not trust others easily or share openly because they will be exposed.

Do they act like a victim? Everything that happens either to the codependent or the loved one is a reflection on the codependent. Such people usually feel victimised and powerless and do not understand their role in creating their own reality.

This is just a few things to ponder when it comes to Codependency and how it can affect your relationship. Being in a total power exchange relationship can be difficult, however, if co-dependency is thrown in there too, it can make it unbearable.

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{January 14, 2015}   Well Life has been good lately.

Keeping busy – as I normally do.

Work for both of Us takes a lot of time out of our days – however we are coping – making up for it on the weekends.

I am getting back into the swing of things, the squats need to be back up to 25 – as much as that can be a pain at times and fitting in tasks throughout the day so as to not mope in my bed.

I finally hired a minion and hopefully the work front will get a touch easier though she won’t be up to speed for a couple of months… at least it is one less thing to worry about.

Sadly one of the things I love about a New Year starting is a new planner or 3 in my case. I have a big one for work, a smaller pink one for our daily/weekly jaunts, and a calendar at glance for the purse. I know – obsessive much? Time and me have a long history together LoL.

There is always the TPE in our Relationship – the play seems to be on the back burner for a touch. We talked about that in bed about a week ago. I do miss the play portion however as long as there is sex involved – it will do to fill in the gaps. I really can’t complain – our sex life is quite fun even without the play. It turns more primal at times – or impromptu bare hand spanking with a random comb swatting (really it hurts) and combing of my backside.

My water intake has increased and I have been keeping my nose out of my work email when I am at home. Both are helping with lowering the stress.

I am still adjusting to the youngest moving out – empty nest syndrome is real – likely another reason I mope. My 5 fur babies try their best to fill in. Sometimes it just isn’t enough.

I suppose I should get back to work – just wanted to post some form of update.



{January 10, 2015}   I am sadistic…

well in my own way … hehehe…

It is good our friends are just as much of an asshole as us… Use it to your benefit…

Once He figures out what I did – I am surely going to get my ass tanned… but so worth it…

I am a little shit head at times.



However it is not for the reason you are all thinking – I am really a bah humbug kinda gal. I tend to give gifts all times of the year and not just in December…I see something I think someone might love… and I give my self an excuse to pick up LoL.

I love this time because I switch hours with my minions to allow them time with loved ones especially the ones that work over nights to be with their family Christmas day.

The benefit this year for me is the time I get to spend with Sir – I have been a spoiled little girl the last couple of weeks….hehehe. While He works, I sleep… and I get to pick Him up from work. Time for supper, sex, cuddles and whatever shopping we may need to do.

Time for me is a precious gift. As a couple we enjoy ourselves I think more than any other couples we know – as in enjoy – I mean physically – tends to be regular… as in every day when possible, Emotionally there for each other, and mentally keep each other on the toes. Any time that I get to exercise all three gives me the gigglies (I think that is a new word?) and makes me act like a bigger kid than I already am.

We did some Yule tide shopping today – which was really fun… we are nearly done – just have a couple of things to pick up to finish off the gifts and I will spruce them up even more when I wrap them.

I suppose I should make time to trim a tree for my house as I know my children will be coming home at some point – and make it seem somewhat festive.

Tomorrow I will pick Sir up after work to quickly go home and change… to then go to His staff party… hopefully it won’t be too long of a night – as I still have to prepare to go to Winnipeg Sunday afternoon.

I can’t wait to have more time with Him – I also have to quickly pick up His gift(s) tomorrow in the afternoon too.

I can’t wait, I can’t wait :D:D

Anyway – time to finish some of the Trucks before morning comes…

P.S.

Sir – I didn’t eat my treat BEFORE my supper – I promise – though JoJo was trying to use peer pressure on me :p



{December 16, 2014}   Busy Month December is.

Sometimes it would be nice to just not do a thing…  you know… sit around in comfy jamas, drink coffee, play video games with porn playing in the background – amuse Sir while He does the same. Okay – I would be the one naked lounging about however you get my point.

It is hard with Sir working as a Day-walker and I enjoying nights/overnight. His body is adjusting to the other hours quickly, and I am a touch selfish wishing to have the same schedule as Him.

I can’t wait until we move in together, For me it will allow for me to take care of someone again – meals and cleaning – though I do a little of each already. It would be more of a routine we can establish. Each helping to ensure our days/nights start on the right note.

To know that when I come home at 1:30 am that I can snuggle into the warmth of my Bear, hearing Him breath, smell His scent and drift off to sleep.

This month has been busy on the weekends, The end of November was a MAsT meeting – Discrete D/s and M/s – a really great meeting with new faces.

December 6 – The Christmas Ball – a time to get to see our other kinky friends that are not in MAsT – always a good time.

December 13 – MAsT Holiday Gathering – a small group showed up (a touch surprised) however it was very relaxing and got to know a couple of the other executives of the Group better. It was good to be at our Other Family’s home.

December 19 – Shop very quickly for everyone as this seems to be the only day we can do this together between His work and mine.

December 20 – Xmas staff party for Him. Bowling – oh yay! not really – but if I sound enthused I will be better at faking it.

December 21 – Yule – at said Other Family’s home – A time to spend with our Best Friends’ Home and their Family. Without them I think we would not be where we are in the Kink community honestly.

December 22-26  Divorce is supposed to be finalized.

December 25 – Christmas – which I do spend with my children in the morning AFTER I get home from work (8-9 am) before they go to their Father’s place – however this year seem up in the air at what is going on – so will have to figure that out next week.

Somewhere in there we need to find time to go to His parents, my parents and He works on Boxing Day for a touch.

The last week of December is very up in the air as we have been invited to 2 New Year’s events – one here at Home and the other in the City – and work for both of us is all over the place.

I really can’t wait for time to sit back and relax – that day of quiet I need to do whatever the fuck I decide to do.

After writing that all out – wow – busy we are – more than I realized.

Anyway – I better finish my work day.

Here is Hoping 2015 will be a great year.



{December 7, 2014}   Note to Self…

For the next Ball – do NOT wear the corset IF you are the one driving to the Party.

Let me just say the drive home consisted of me going up to our friends’ room and removing said corset – and then putting on just my winter jacket and jeans to the chagrin of Sir and M – Hell – more boobs for all as if they didn’t get enough downstairs during the Party – most liberating thing I have done in a long time LoL – yet so simple.



{August 19, 2014}   Not a Happy girl.

It is not anything that Sir did but what I decided to do.

Tonight W/we played a touch harder than I was in the mood for – yet I was the one that initiated the idea of play. I was thinking something light and playful…because I wasn’t myself and still coming down… and compound work with it. Instead of voicing that at the time, He played as He wished and it was a touch more intense in a short period type play.

It was a good play – He decided to even out the marks the girls did from Saturday – and ensured He brought more “colour” out on my breasts and played hard with my nipples (unable to wear bra at the moment). He likes to fist me…a good way to make me squirt – which can get messy at times – and then add mental play on top of that. As you can probably guess W/we were exhausted.

As W/we always do after such a play W/we wandered to the shower to clean up… and at that point I know I had a bit of sass in my head-voice while showering – You know when you are talking to yourself in your head. I luckily chose not to speak scared it might sneak out. – Good plan as it could have been bad.

Afterwards while toweling off we were talking about coming down from the weekend – People and me do not mix well in the sense they drain me of energy and then going to some good friend’s house the next day. I am still not sure how W/we got on the topic of blogging… He decided I was going to write tomorrow – if I have time at work. (Tuesday is quiet night). Something in me snapped for whatever reason.

I decided to challenge a writing assignment to be completed tomorrow. I mentioned I didn’t have anything to write and other excuses… I spoke with a touch of attitude/sassiness in my tone – that does not go over well with Him.

Then I got an “Oh Really” and the eye cocked up – which is where I know I should have stopped RIGHT there… said Yes, Sir – and shut my fucking mouth…but oh no I kept up with the tone and giving more Lip – Hell – He even gave me an extension to Friday… – however my head didn’t think anything of the fact He was compromising.

“You are going to write the post and have it ready for Friday”

Silence from me.

“That is not the answer I am waiting on”

Yeah – that is when I foolishly said – ” Yes Sir – I will write it but I don’t have to like it” with so much sass dripping off the words coming from my mouth.

The “Oh Really” is a warning I did not heed. It is usually followed by something I know I most likely will not like. He never disappoints… Never at all.

So now along with sore breasts, nipples and a sore pussy – I have red bum cheeks and a very bruised ego.

Sadly the ego is hurting the most.

For the reader – This is not the writing assignment He gave me.

– Sir – that will be completed by Friday and posted as instructed.

I know I said I am sorry Sir and all was good before I left…however I have to get this off the brain so that I may sleep.

I love You.

Always,
Your little fae



{July 31, 2014}   Reflections and Perceptions

Respond intelligently even to unintelligent treatment. – Lao Tzu

How does the way I behave and look reflect or be perceived to people we surround ourselves with? Do these affect the way people think about Syn when my behaviour is a touch more colourful than usual?

Lately I have been thinking about these particular words in the D/s sense. I have discussed judgement in a past post… and as much as people say they do not JUDGE, they do even if it is just in their heads.

I know I judge other people, and fully admit it. I judge the way a person drives, their clothes (especially shoes), what they eat, and how they behave. I also expect that people do the same when they look at me or Syn for that matter. It is human nature to do it.

That is why I keep it in my mind … as I know it happens daily.

We do this at home with the family, in the workplace, out in public while you are shopping, at the coffee shop with friends and at Lifestyle events (ex. Munches, workshops, etc.)

When we judge people we don’t receive all the information. All we have is what we see or hear – basically the behaviour of the other person. We base our conclusions on limited information. Then we filter that information through our own perceptual limitations, our biases, our past experiences, our blind spots, hell even our own agendas.

Our perceptions are mirrors into ourselves. From the way we perceive others to the way we perceive the world, the facets we choose to focus and act upon are mirrors into our own beliefs, attitudes and behaviours.

Keep this all in the back of your mind now while I answer the questions at the beginning of the post.

I know I personally perceive them in a different light if it happens to another. Consequently – I always equate that behaviour to their Partner also. How could they “allow” them to act like this? Where are either of their manners? I will even admit that I have even stated “Why would you dress sloppily to events?” I wouldn’t even let my own children out of the house looking like that.

I believe that a sub is an extension of the Dom…I think each Partner is a reflection of each other and in any type of relationship (M/s, D/s, vanilla even) you are in.

I think this is best summed up in the way we present ourselves be it manners, protocols we use, proper etiquette, the way we look when we go out in public, with our Partner, or even at home by ourselves.

Syn has done a post on Manners and Protocols… I have not. It is one of those posts that I have been putting off. It is not that I am against it – I just think it encompasses a lot more into Reflection and Perception of a D/s relationship. It is something I am quite passionate about and putting them down in words, takes time and care.

Let us define some words:

Manners: a person’s outward bearing or way of behaving toward others.

Manners are pretty basic – and for the most part common sense which you should have been taught as you grew up. Some simple examples are Please and Thank you, Hello when you greet someone, Good bye when you are parting ways, chewing food with your mouth closed, introducing a new person to a group so as not to alienate the others …you get my drift.

Protocols: A system of rules and acceptable behavior used at official ceremonies and occasion; the collection of set forms of etiquette to be observed

Etiquette: conventional requirements as to social behaviour.

I tend to lump protocols and etiquette together. They are just like manners however more Formal.

So you are wondering why I am breaking these all down. It is because of Reflection and Perception. Your reflection is the first representation and a person’s perception of you….which in turn reflects on to YOUR partner. This encompasses your behaviour and expectations.

Reflection: an image; representation; counterpart.

 

This is a quote I use to get my point across and a firm believer as such:

“It’s the submissives that show to others what type of Dom owns them.” – – Anonymous

Both Dominants and submissives alike enjoy praise, and Dominants especially take pride in the admiration of their peers. A well-behaved submissive is right on the top of the list. They are a prized possession.

Please note ** THIS IS MY OPINION AND YOU MAY NOT AGREE WITH IT **

Defiance isn’t a desirable trait in submissives – again that is my opinion. This includes Being/calling yourself a Brat.

The reason why I consider brats a bad thing is that a submissives’ behaviour directly reflects on their Dominant or Top.

To each their own, however this is why I am NOT a bratty sub. Playful defiance in favour of a little attention, what’s the harm in that…right? Don’t get me wrong – there is a time and place for everything however you need to know when you have crossed that line. That behaviour can get quite annoying after a while (vanilla or kinky). It reminds me too much of a child that should have gotten their mouths washed out with dish soap. I don’t have time to be a brat of that calibre and I would never want to have a Dominant that is into that.

Just to clarify here for some of you – We are not talking “play” where someone is being a touch bratty such as rolling your eyes at something said or done… get called out on it… perhaps a bit of smirking.. and the Dominant acting all indignant….and you both know you are not serious.

We also are not talking about pushing hard limits, we are not talking about extenuating circumstances, we are talking about a submissive who genuinely says “No, I don’t feel like doing that, so I won’t” and then turns around to what they were just doing.

It is the vanilla equivalent of you saying ‘Fuck off!’. It will be taken as hurtful, and disrespectful and no Dominant should have to deal with it.

I’m all for jovial and sometimes even juvenile behaviour (seriously – I am a huge kid at heart), but if I am being defiant to Syn just for the sake of getting play, there are other issues at hand, and we both have zero patience for it.

The one thing I must stress is that there is a difference between bratty behaviours versus an individual who identifies as a brat and wears that label proudly. One who identifies as a brat is going to be unlikely to want to change, unless that change is desired by both of you. A bratty submissive and a serious Dominant do not mix.

When you are going out for the day, take your time to make yourself presentable. Shower, brush your hair, clean clothes, and clothes that fit you properly. You never know who you might see out in the world (vanilla or kinky). This is one of those things I take seriously. I HATE (I dislike the word however will use it in this case – because that is how fanatical I am about the subject) people who wear pyjama pants out of their house to do their errands, go for coffee, school, and a dinner. To me it screams fucking laziness. Nothing more, nothing less.

I do not want to be perceived as lazy and sloppy nor do I want people to think that way about Syn. It does not matter if you are just taking a quick trip to the store, I still do not understand why people think it is OK to wear the same thing the slept in to go places. Not only is it less than tasteful to do this, but it also sends a message to people. I am all for those who say they don’t care what people think, but in reality the people we see during the day are sometimes people we need to impress. I was also taught to make yourself look nice before going in public. I guess it just seems so apathetic and makes me think people didn’t even take the time to wipe out their eye boogies or put on deodorant… just plain dirty…( and not in a good way)

Think before you speak or write. My parents have taught me to NOT internalize. So you can imagine I am all for speaking the mind. It is quite encouraged by my Master… however you still need to take in account your audience and how it might reflect back to yourself AND your Partner. There are many things I would love to say to people, except I know it would be in bad form and I have learned to bite my tongue, my lip, His shoulder (you get the idea).

This includes the way you speak/write. I can have very colourful language, very blunt, sarcastic, and clipped in speech. However, I am quite clear in what I wish to state in a logical, well thought out, and factual way to get my point across… all in trying not to offend the intended party. I want to take in their feelings, the situation, use manners, and possibly some protocol (depending on the situation).

I found this phrase in my travels a few times and I think it holds a lot of merit: If you’re a collared sub your collar carries the honour of your Master/Mistress. Your attitude can make it as light as a feather or as heavy as a mountain.

These are some thoughts to ponder:

Your behaviour/expectations as a submissive should reflect Openness, Honesty, Respect, and be Polite at all times as your actions will reflect upon your Partner.

Always be respectful and considerate towards everybody, especially your Partner. Your behaviour reflects directly upon your Him (or Her).

Don’t shut down your brain. It comes in handy when you are serving. A good Partner will cherish and encourage your intelligence as will other people you surround yourself with.

Pursuing the path of submission is a journey of self-discovery. You will learn a lot about yourself. Embrace every day of this learning and understanding. Some things will be easy, some things will be hard. And in this sense, Make Them proud of everything you do.

This is my Expectation of Myself:

Everyday MY behaviour and words are a reflection on my Master, Syn, and i am always conscious of that fact.



{July 15, 2014}   Realization.

Today as I was going to the store with my daughter to get cat food… Reality hit me while walking through the parking lot. I looked to my right, and there she was chatting to me, playing with her phone being my kid who is now an adult … looked to my left… fully expecting Syn to be there to banter with us and He was not. I felt empty all of a sudden and nearly stopped in my tracks.

I realized I rarely go anywhere without Him… I don’t even think about it actually. We don’t live together …. yet I just expect Him to come along even if I have to pick up one thing somewhere in town, or take/pick up Boo from work.

As we sat for our usual coffee before work, I wanted to tell Him that – and in a way I didn’t…the feeling of vulnerability is something I tend to keep bottled inside – sneaking out on occasion.

This is my way to say it – Today it really hit me how much I need You with me.



{July 9, 2014}   D/s is not a part I play

I just have had a massive amount of thoughts running through my head – some on point and others deciding to take a side road – and eventually finding the path back here.

This is disjointed – I understand that – time and energy to write are not in my favour. This is a few snippets from the Brain. If I could write everything as I wanted you as a reader would be reading a series that never ends 🙂

And with that:

I do not separate myself from my “kinks”… it is who I am. D/s is not a part I play – it is who and what we do daily. O/our relationship being organic that grows more so the longer W/we are together.

This does not mean I will not D/s in public (because as I stated it is who W/we are) however it will be more subtle and not in your faces like– HERE LOOK AT US – !! I really wish more people would be more respectful of others in this regard.

Always be aware of who your “audience” is – Family? Friends? Acquaintances? Work mates? Boss?

And my favourite… YOUR children – that will become a separate post.

 

Please bare in mind – I am NOT a fan of those who flaunt or feel the need/want to “shock” the vanillas…there is no need to do so. There are those people who hint at things to get a rise out of others to get the attention they are lacking in their everyday Life – good OR bad.

 

You also have the people that declare “See my COLLAR that my Master/Sir gave me” in place of “a beautiful piece my significant other gave me” to work professionals, friends and family that are not aware of what you partake in and likely now really wish they didn’t.

 

My biggest peeve are the people who are clearly socially awkward – no filter when it comes to certain aspects of their Life … and in doing so – very rude and insulting without even realizing it. They believe it is the norm to act like this in Public. They turn off the little part of their mind that is telling them to stop and actually think before thinking.

 

This is something I keep in the Back of my Head – We each have our Realities to Life and mine might not mix well with yours. I respect you as a fellow human being NOT to do this.

People need to Remember – You can be Kinky without being Disrespectful. Be mindful of others around you and Be mindful of your actions towards others.

 

I found a meme yesterday that sums up how I feel lately:

You are free to choose BUT you are not free from the consequence of your choice.



et cetera
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