Seldom Seen Way











{April 1, 2017}   Good head space today.

And i am running with it.

It doesn’t feel like a manic.

i just have the energy to get things done – little bursts here and there.

i did need the weekend off from events and people in general.

Sir is working, allowing me to have a mini-me day which really is just housekeeping, ensuring the cats don’t destroy anything, social media – answering email/messages and not be interrupted.

So far the list has been:

water the cats.
empty the dishwasher.
fill the dishwasher
fix/wash blankets on the sofas.
put laundry in: wash/dry
put chicken in the oven for supper
clean the fridge out
garbage to the bin
find a household inventory supply list to manipulate
found a grocery inventory excel sheet ūüėÄ

That last one was gold for me – it even has a want/have/need column calculations. Saved me from doing it myself.

The household one i had to move to excel and luckily that didn’t take long.

Anyway – something is dinging in the kitchen, i better figure out what it is and deal with it.

Talk to you all laters.

dot.



{March 8, 2017}   After-mess of a Blizzard.

i am in the office and cleaning up the mess that happens when your city broke their own record for the longest blizzard.

This world that i am in involves SAP (lovely program /sarcasm), lots of paperwork due to everything being already invoiced and posted to finance and re-issuing of paperwork along with revisions of trailers, carriers and product.

A few facts of the Blizzard:

3-8-2017 9-15-37 PM

The highways are slowly opening up in areas. One section opened at 10:30 am, another at 4:24 pm (just as i got into the office), and a few others around us the last 2 or 3 hours.

This means that trucks are starting to roll into the Plant, and grumbling because they want their trailers already done. We are still working on 2 trailers from Monday currently, while production doesn’t really care we are behind. It means we are trying to get today, yesterday’s and Monday’s orders done…to boot – this is Cali night. That is a mess on its own without adding the rest of this.

With all that, i still have to deal with the International orders (China and Japan), removing CHEP pallets (due to removing the¬†product from trucks) from spreadsheets prior to uploading them so customers are not charged in error and dispatch for tomorrow hasn’t even been looked at. It might be a longer night than i wish for.

Sir needed to get to work and had to push the car in order for us to move forward… and pushed me out last night, along with another neighbour as he was walking towards finding me.

He is a sore man today – thankfully someone (who i believe was the Park Front Loader) came and cleared our driveway. It was as high as Sir’s waist and we had to walk around to the neighbour’s yard on the hard packed snow to get out. i do hope He takes a soak in the tub – He really deserves it.

The house is a little overwhelming too, as we have been trying to keep on top of the weather and work. We have MAsT on Saturday to get ready for…i need to ensure we have proper winter gear for the trip. The house chores will have to wait till Sunday unless i can sneak in a couple of things before then.

Sir just got home – and about to call….

Talk to you all later ūüôā

Dot.

 



{March 5, 2017}   ALL I WANT IS A NICE BUM.

So, i decided to use my stubbornness for ‚Äúgood‚ÄĚ or that is how i am telling my brain to work with it LoL.

Someone i read regularly posted on her blog the other day a 30 day squat challenge. Here i am thinking, ‚Äúhmmm, i haven‚Äôt been doing squats regularly in the last 4 months‚Ķ sure WHY THE HELL NOT‚ÄĚ.

ALL I WANT IS A NICE BUM.

OMFG ‚Äď this is Day 3 and i swear i am dying LoL. If you think getting kicked in the cunt over and over or get a good back/ass beating hurts, let me tell you that “Motherfucker” and “Oh, SHIT”, have nothing on this. Even “Mr Rod” seems pleasant at this moment.

Yesterday, i was great till after lunch, when it hit me‚Ķoddly enough it seems to happen when you need to go to the bathroom. That realization of “what the fuck was i thinking” hitting you square in the face – or in this case my quads. And then the how the fuck am i getting back up came to mind ‚Äď apparently a little more difficult than initially anticipated LoL. We will say it hit me hard.

i finally got up and continued with my day a tad slower than usual or gingerly might be the word to use.

Just keep reminding myself: ALL I WANT IS A NICE BUM

Sir was done work at 6 pm and i wandered down to the Shop to pick Him up. i walked through the door and said hi Sir ‚Äď with Him looking at me weirdly. He commented on how i was walking funny. This is when i told Him about my brilliant plan the squat challenge. He chuckled for awhile of course‚Ķnearly any time – no – EVERY TIME i sat down and got up again.

Just keep reminding myself: ALL I WANT IS A NICE BUM.

When we were home, a touch later in the evening, i showed Sir the web link to the challenge. He was impressed, and then looked at Day 11 and on…there was a grin, a pause and that chuckle again. Apparently, i will be really feeling it a lot more later on and reminded me to stretch more. Thankfully, i have slowly gotten back into yoga/stretching however, i think i will do it before not after from now on.

Just keep reminding myself: ALL I WANT IS A NICE BUM

Later that night in bed as i was reading, i must have moved to get comfy and groaned or something. Sir looks up from his Tablet and asks me if i am alright.

i am, just sore Sir is all i say…as i keep reminding myself why i am doing this.

Then He asks if i would like Him to rub my upper legs with tiger balm.

i pause when He asks this ‚Äď there are a few reasons:

1. He wears gloves… hehehe
2. Tiger balm is warm, then stings, then makes me feel cold
3. He really pushes the ointment into my muscles
4. Did i say He wears gloves?
5. It hurts so good yet so not LoL

MMMMmmm – in my own little world for a moment.

He tells me to quickly decide as it is getting late and He needs to sleep as He works in the morning.

So of course, why wouldn’t ¬†i say ‚ÄúYES PLEASE SIR!‚ÄĚ

And i keep reminding myself: ALL I WANT IS A NICE BUM

All i can say is that my muscles were screaming in pain and pleasure. It was so fucking wonderful to feel His gloved hands massaging in the ointment on my sore aching muscles. i get wet just thinking about it again. Silly girl that i am.

At one point, when Sir asked why, why would i do this ‚Äď i told Him my motivation – ¬†i wanted a nice bum. Again with that deep chuckle, He reassures me that it is indeed a nice bum and that He is quite fond of it. And that i WILL be taking a soak in the tub tomorrow.

Okay then, i just want it to be nicer bum then ūüôā … and ‚Ķ perhaps i am just ‚Äúa little bit of a masochist‚ÄĚ.



{February 27, 2017}   First Day of the Next Year.

This weekend was most likely the best celebration of my yearly event. There was nothing crazy and wild going, no birthday beatings or being spoiled with useless material items.

It was a weekend that made me smile and have tears at the end of it of happiness.

It started off at home at 9 am, when i told my oldest daughter that i would pick her up from the dealership as she was getting some recall work done on her truck. The only thing with that time is that i wasn’t done work until¬†2:30 am,¬†and finally got home closer to 3. Knowing how i am and going to sleep it was closer to ¬†5 am for me.

Anyway, i picked up Belle and brought her to the house. And i went to lay back down for a couple of more hours to feel better rested. ¬†She took the time to continue cleaning out the bedroom that she had most of Life stored in since June (she just bought a house with her Partner just before Yule and still doing some reno’s)

She also decided to tidy up, put away the dishes that were in the dishwasher, clean up the coffee bar, and wash floors so that i could enjoy the time off without worrying about what i need to do when we get back. That was a great gift – to alleviate some of my anxiety and allow me to relax on that front.

Apparently, we didn’t get to leave as early as we wanted due to the dealership not calling to tell her they didn’t have the parts. We made it work, though, it meant shopping was a Sunday thing instead.

We drove into the City and got to Sir L and el’s place about 7 pm – giving us time to have a quick visit and a couple of drinks to start the evening. Sir had picked out my outfit for the most part and said sensible shoes (smart man LoL). He corseted me up (which is a favourite time with Him now that He is pretty proficient with it) and away we went.

Please note – this is what i can remember LoL – if i forget anything or anyone – i apolgize now as there was so much going on ūüôā

Arriving at Subwoofer, the wonderful Miss J was at the door and greeted us as she appeared to be taking a break from Bootblacking. Taking our usual seats in the back corner, we noticed how quiet it was for the time…however, that changed quickly and people we recognized were wandering in. Snug and her partner sat with us until the rest of their crew showed up. It was good to sit and talk with those two.

All in all – It was an awesome night, as i was dreading a bit to going (only a few people know to the why), and had to tell myself to let things go and have fun. ¬†And fun i had. i was talking to one person about corsets, and another on Life in general as a slave and our “pasts”. i got to watch Miss J black Sir’s boots which look awesome by the way. We had a great conversation¬†with Miss J as that was happening (note to self to ensure we make time for Tea with Her when time permits). It was too bad we didn’t get to see Her girls.

A surprise visit from the other House as they wandered up to us. It was good to see Betty and her crew show up along with a couple of tag-a-longs.

i discovered a new shooter that i think is a new favourite Рthanks to eius-socius, i now know what they are and love White Chinas. It was really good to be able to have one on one with her talking.

i got to see many yagger and white china shots that evening (thanks to all who contributed) and there was no complaining by me. There were several doubles of Green Apples to chase those down.

Sunday getting up hurt a touch – only because 11 am is -early- for me, other than that i was good. Breakfast was yummy, as el made french toast banana bread with a strawberry compote and chocolate syrup ‚̧

After cleaning up our room, showered, and say our goodbyes we went to the Mall. We wandered about as it has been close to a year since we have been. Sir bought me a new mug ¬†(It is Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children) and a couple of shirts for Himself.

As it was getting late, we still needed to go to Betty’s House. Sir needed to help out with a virus thing on their laptop. It allowed a quick visit before we were on the road again.

The ride home was quiet and allowed us to contemplate the last couple of days…with random comments. You know that time when something you remembered and you just want to share little snippets – that is what i would call it.

Being at home and seeing our furry assholes signalled to me that i could relax and enjoy this vacation that started off great. To add to it, the other daughter came by too and did a couple of things (clean the fridge as one) to help out.

The bath was drawn with Epson salts to soak and then the jets came on, with bubble bath to agitate. It felt luxurious and Sir woke me from my small nap as i seemed to be taking awhile. It was then time for a hot tea and a bagel while we watched an episode of Bones before bed.

It was a weekend that i thanked Sir many times for – as He knows how i usually act the month or so and during my Birthday. i made an effort this year not to go into a low, and to enjoy what i have and who is in my Life.

i want to again to thank everyone that was there this weekend – you might not realize what you did, however just being there and taking time to share some of it with me – means more than i can tell you.

And you know what Р i am a blessed woman.



{February 25, 2017}   Countdown

Another hour or so and it is holiday time for me… a week of nothingness… or somewhat nothingness. It isn’t like i really sit still.

Tomorrow night we will partake in Subwoofer in the City and celebrate my birthday (Sunday). i am getting better at accepting my age if i say so myself. At least this year i am not in a low and spiralling.

Anyway, i better finish with these Japan orders and then the dispatch before i forward my pallet work home to do while it is quiet.

Laters!

 



{February 9, 2017}   Loneliness

Jumbled thoughts – just trying to get out of the head – If it doesn’t make sense – that is alright – it makes sense to me.

Sometimes it would be nice to have “friends” and not just people you work with. To be able to have a social life here at home – just not wait till we go to the City either for MAsT or Subwoofer.

There is always Sir, and occasionally¬†my children wander home… usually to wash their laundry and grab whatever food they see. I get a brief update on their lives.

When i see people or interact with (other than work), Sir is always with me. He gets to go to coffee munches if they are during the weeknights – i cannot. i feel left out and disconnected. And yes – i understand that i am jealous.

He gets to converse with a variety of people because of His job or people seek Him out there.

When i had young children i got out more and was more social than i do now. If i ever felt isolated it is more so as i am older and with my job.

i don’t have the luxury to go to anything that is planned in the evenings because i work – the other people we know are day walkers – i am not.

i know my interests are not the same as most women – or we just don’t know where to start a conversation.

Sir gets that intellect conversation via chat/emails from other women. It is something i actually crave.

What i get instead are messages from men that are directed by the head in their pants not the one on top of their shoulders. Men feel the need to flatter / objectify me believing that will get me to want to sleep with them or want to be their third. Or it will be the woman of the couple requesting the same thing. And when i try to direct the conversation to something other than sex, they disappear. NOT that i am against sex – i LOVE it – though i don’t want to start my first initial contact with you based solely on that. i love to know about the person.

i am thankful i have a Sir that does listen when i want to talk to Him – sometimes it takes a bit to form what i need to spit out. He speaks Dot very well LoL. There is more to this as the topic of poly came up. Right now i am not in a place to write about it. Perhaps in time or perhaps my brain will allow me to figure out things easier than it does.

Anyway, i really should finish my work that is on my desk…i do wish to go home and be with Sir. Hopefully He is feeling a touch better tonight.

 

 



{January 18, 2017}   Things Change as you Age…

However, Let us Look at it in a Positive Light.

‚ÄúToday is the oldest you‚Äôve ever been, and the youngest you‚Äôll ever be again.‚ÄĚ Eleanor Roosevelt

Today is my youngest Birthday – she is now 21 years old. And with this,¬†i¬†have been thinking a lot lately. The older you become many things are not like they are used…and of course, that is the way it should be.

Some people take change much easier than others, and¬†i¬†happen to be one of the “others”.

For me, that is why there is routine to help with things that can be more controlled in your Life – either through Sir or myself.

Unfortunately, the part about getting older i cannot change, i will be getting older every second of the day. As of late, i have trying to look for the positives in this.

My children are becoming my friends. It is nice to be able to sit and talk to them about things without someone getting butt hurt because I couldn’t get them something. They have a better understanding of what being an adult and becoming parents themselves entails.

Learn from my mistakes – and make better decisions because of it. This is especially important when it comes to health.

Knowing more people and have more resources than¬†i¬†did in my 20’s. There is always someone that¬†i¬†can reach out to if¬†i¬†am not sure of something.

The materials of Life –¬†i¬†don’t need a lot of “things” in my Life (ie. clothes) like¬†i¬†felt¬†i¬†needed before.

i judge people more on who they are Рnot what they have. Actions speak volumes.

i¬†don’t always have to be right – I listen more to all sides – more to understand than to win.

My relationship is more mature Рand i have learned what i want and need to do to have an awesome one.

i am really good at my job Рyears of working my ass off has paid off. And with it, more time and money to do the things i want and do without worrying if i can buy groceries to feed us the next week.

i¬†am not worried (as much) about how¬†i¬†am looking as¬†i¬†did when¬†i¬†was in my 20’s.¬†i¬†am becoming more comfortable with myself.

i now dress for comfort LoL Рhigh heels have fucked up my legs, and i am not scared what people will think when i wear a toque (at least I am warm)

i am not as ill as I used to get. i think my immune system is getting better because i am looking out better for myself as is Sir.

i am MUCH Happier now than i was in my younger years. It is nice to have people comment that to you out of the blue.

i have always had a great sex life Рnow it is awesome Рbecause i know what i want/need and communicate it.

i¬†am more¬†thoughtful / logical¬†in decisions or just my thought process¬†analyzes¬†better without getting all emotional –¬†i¬†notice this a lot at work compared with younger people.

Thankful i get to become older. You start to recognize your own mortality. It reminds me to prioritize what matters most to me each day.



{November 17, 2016}   “Closer” (NIN)

You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I’ve got no soul to sell
Help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to god
You can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings
You can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything
Help me tear down my reason, help me its’ your sex I can smell
Help me you make me perfect, help me become somebody else
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to god

Through every forest, above the trees
Within my stomach, scraped off my knees
I drink the honey inside your hive
You are the reason I stay alive



{October 20, 2016}   Icky.

Yep, that is the word i will use for it.

Absolutely icky.

The throat is so scratchy that it feels like i have a scouring pad jammed in it trying to get out.

Getting sick is not something i have time for and i will try my best to avoid it as much as possible. Hopefully the next day or two, i can ward it off with tea, sleep and non-verbal talking.

Here is wishing me Luck.

 



{October 14, 2016}   Act of Engaging
***This is a post i started many moons ago.  It is just now that i am getting back to it Рbits and pieces, here and there. ***

Yes, that word can get pretty messy sometimes.

i find it is the easiest way to deal with some individuals is not to engage them… as they do not get the hint, that the subject has been dropped. Basically – it is done – in my mind anyway. i am not going to waste any more time, and giving myself a headache.

i notice that with many friends of late, you can start engaging in a conversation, or¬†situation that you know is going to blow up into something bigger than it should. And then you wonder…should i even continue.

For some people, it is like a fuel to the fire. They enjoy it in a sense… a slight high from it. You can actually see them getting off on it. The experience i have from this one was the ex-husband – it gave me a lot of practise to know how to deal with it – almost on a daily basis. You get really good at learning how to diffuse small fires before they become too big and consume everyone and everything around you.

i find these people like to monopolize time even when you are not with them. The time spent dealing with them… along with the time spent venting to your partner(s) or friends about them becoming an obsession sometimes with them. They steal your time and your energy – more than you even start to realize.

The one thing i love about being an introvert is that engaging with people is not something i seek out. i do not want to be the center of attention however, i do not want to be ignored entirely either. i will engage if i need to.

Not engaging in conversations that irk me or you can see the other person doing it for attention, pardon i will change that, doing it for validation makes me sad that a person has to do that to feel worthy.

Engaging with these type of people feels like you are going in a circular motion with no end coming. It does not matter what you say to them, it will never be enough, or it is too much and they end up taking something entirely something else from it. It appears to be always to be One extreme or another. They are never happy without having the Last Word РWhatever  and how that may be.

There is a subset of people i at times do want to engage with however their intelligence and emotional IQ being that it is low and/or get in the way of a good conversation, would in the end just frustrate me to get them to understand what i was willing to bring to the conversation.

When i talk about these people, i usually am referring to people who are religion / political zealots, and managers/supervisors whose heads are too big Р actually anyone that feels they have any amount of Power over you (and no, i am not talking about someone you submit to WILLINGLY.)

There are still moments that i open up my mouth when i know i should not – though it is rare these days. i instantly regret doing it, and attempt to back out before i make it worse for all parties. The ones that make it the hardest, are the persistent ones… they do not know enough to leave it be.

Sometimes words are not needed and Learning that pushing will not solve/make better a situation every time. You need to accept that. You are not always going to feel better when you do it. You are not always going to get the reaction that you are hoping.

Engaging is an Art at times. Just be prepared for the Outcome – whatever it may or not be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



et cetera
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