Seldom Seen Way











{October 12, 2017}   Purging.

It has started as a great day and hopefully, it will continue into the evening while i am at work.

Waking up with Sir, and having Him hold onto me while in bed, fingers lightly touching my tummy (one of my fave spots) and nipples…His breathing into my ear…makes this girl like jello.

We got Sir to work and i came home. It started with me realizing that we likely will get snow this weekend (i hope not but with my luck) and the potted plants need to be cleaned out and put out to the compost bin. Well, it started as that with me then moving stuff into the garage for winter, to noticing that i need to move things around to make room and then me starting to remove crap. (Wow, long run on sentence there)

There was a lot of cardboard that could be recycled, boxes that i never opened and sort, and moving items to a better-arranged area.

The only reason i stopped was that the recycling bin was full, as was the garbage bin. It feels good with what i have already accomplished and i believe i will continue tomorrow. Thankfully Friday is garbage pickup.

Anyway, now to get ready for work… talk to you all later!

 

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{October 3, 2017}   Happiness turns to Anger

with me, it can happen in a heartbeat – especially when something is slammed at you from the sideline.

That is how i am feeling right now.

Betrayed.

Disrespected.

The Ungratefulness that is now more than apparent.

Disappointed.

Angry.

Disbelief.

Seeing Red.

Wanted to do self-harm.

Trying to not listen to my Head.

This may be cryptic – however, i can’t share everything – and i don’t know if i could. The feelings i have though – that i can share openly.

 

 



{October 2, 2017}   A little news…

which is something that I have been sitting on for a few days.

We needed to ensure that certain “Family” was aware before it became public to all. My parents were the last ones on Sunday.

This is the Announcement from Sir:

“Many years ago I sat down at a Tim Hortons to have coffee with a cute brunette, we talked, laughed, and haven’t left each other’s side since. On Friday I asked that cute brunette to marry me, and am speechless that she said yes. I love you (Dot), you are my best friend, my stability, my little fae, and my partner in crime. I can’t wait for the next 50 years together”

Sir and i will be together for 10 years come this December. Keeping this secret all weekend from many people has been very difficult. If we could have told each person personally (though that would have taken a very long time), someone in the interim would have been upset along the way due to someone else spilling the beans sooner than later.

Usually, i would have spilt it out here, however, i know several people in the community read this blog (more than i even realized).

This girl is very happy, happier than i thought i would be with this news. There is much more going on in my head.

And it is hard as of late to find the time to write – as i am doing this right now at work LoL  Hopefully a touch later this week, i will squeeze in more updates.

 



{September 1, 2017}   Panic mode.

Yep. That is me right now.

Fast typing, fast thoughts, running around the house like a chicken with their head cut off, and a hurting head.

Silly me. Make a List i tell myself… but nooooooooo – did i listen to my brain?

Why the fuck would i?

AUGH – stepping back.

Get ready for work. Make the damn List.

Come home as early as I can.

Tackle the List with Sir – and be done it in 30 minutes.

Get a little bit of sleep.

Wake up at 5:15am – get ready to go to the City for WSPC Fetish Weekend.

See Miss J and the House.

See my other Friends throughout the weekend.

Enjoy the Workshops – be a demo bottom for Single Tail one.

Come home on Monday to prepare for 2 weeks of Day Walking.

We are a touch busy… just a touch. I won’t bother you all with the smaller details… yet.

 

It is an interesting way to spend a Long Weekend in Canada.

 

dot.

 

 

 



{July 25, 2017}   Low day

i am feeling low in energy and spirit today. i want to write about what is going on with my days however it seems i -might- offend people if they -think- it is about them.

There is nothing tragic, just patiently waiting for my vacation coming up starting this Saturday. As it is, the weekend is non-stop from the looks of it right now. Also adding to it is news from -e- concerning venue issue for MAsT come September. We need to find a new home.

Anyway, i should drag my arse and get the dispatch done at work. There is many changes happening here to add to my stress – and that includes hiring another person. To be honest i am happy that one of the minions is transferring to the other Plant. It is just causing a bit of chaos for me.

Laters,

dot.

 



{July 15, 2017}   Sometimes i wish…

-had no responsibilities except to stay home and be a greedy little girl – to always be a plaything and enjoy being the hedonist that i am…

– no dishes to wash because you ate finger food

– no laundry because there were no clothes to wear

– no litter boxes to clean – cause they can do that shit outside LoL

and as i am typing this, i am waiting for the dishes to finish washing so that i can dry and put more in, there is a load of laundry washing while the ones that are needed to be folded are on the table waiting for me, and the assholes litter box apparently needs to be cleaned out again.

Now back to reality… Laters.

dot.

 

 

 



I went to the gym with Sir today… and after the initial panic attacks, small frustration in our bedroom and welling of tears in the eyes, body fidgeting, and eye darting… i got through it.

i am grateful that this one is 24 hours and that i will not have to be surrounded by people all the time. i just wish the yoga classes were in the afternoon. They are either EARLY in the morning (sleeping time) or later in the evening (working time). Now instead i need to figure out how to do more of it at home. The oldest daughter Belle had a couple of ideas to help –  i will try that first.

The goal i have is to build strength back into my legs again. It was more of a matter of being consistent.

i am just tired – and i don’t like it. It is time to change it.

 



{June 28, 2017}   Honesty is not optional

One of the most common reason most relationships, vanilla and kink, fail is a lack of honesty. It seems the “only as honest as I need to be” mentality is seen as the standard. Interestingly it does not just affect love relationships it includes family and friends too.

The definition of honesty is a sincerity; fairness; and freedom from deceit. A lie is not in the words or the lack of words, it’s the intention of the deceiver; the intent is to elicit a specific response from the asker. To get any insight from honesty a person needs to be able to know their own self and see themselves truthfully. This is a much more difficult concept than people realize and cannot be done quickly.

First off – You need to be honest with yourself. You need to know who you are. You need to deal with all those things that have been hiding in the back dark shadows. You need to quiet your head so that they can be heard and dealt with. Yes, I know – it is difficult – being honest with yourself. It is scary, can be messy, enlightening, freeing all in one. If you can’t be honest with and/or about yourself, you have no place to being a Master to someone while demanding they do the very thing you refuse to do.

Next, you need to be honest with your partner/slave.  You need to candidly relay what you want and need from them while being capable of telling them what you give to them in return. It is never okay to tell them what you think they want to hear; you need to tell them only the truth, no matter how difficult it may be.

And Masters ensure that your slave is honest with you. It is another step in the process of Honesty. It is not enough to hear your slave tell you something, and then go on your merry way. You need to be sure what they are telling you is the truth. It is up to you to confirm you are working with accurate information.

Now I am talking to you from the slave point of view.  I am not trying to be negative and say that a certain party will lie, sure some may, but more often than not that person will simply be ignorant of their own limits, needs, and desires.  It means they have not done the work.

Most of us to evolve and mature have done some work on being honest with ourselves. And this applies to both sides of the slash.  Truth to ourselves; awareness; looking inward to see who we are and where we find strengths or weakness is the hardest work. No one is going to deny that. However, when you do find someone that has put that work into it – it is quite sexy. If you find someone that is just starting that journey, just being there while they explore it, is quite an experience to watch.

When something does go wrong, it’s on you to handle it like a Master – especially if you are going to identify as one – You better damn well act like one. It’s your job to make sure the slave is calm, safe and healthy and to discuss what just happened. You need to accept and own up to any of your own faults, and you need to provide extensive support and compassion. You should not expect to continue having fun that night, or possibly longer – if a situation arises because of a lack of honesty especially to do with play.

Most people forget that honesty is much more than words, it is in your actions too. It does not matter if you repeatedly tell a slave something if your actions contradict your words. That is not honesty, it’s barely halfway there.

The one form of dishonesty that I am not a huge fan of and people seem to disregard is the omission lie. If I don’t mention it, it is like it never even happened – or we want them to believe.

We have all been in relationships where we have withheld things from our partners. It is usually to spare their feelings or to avoid a fight. That is all fine and dandy until your partner figures out that you went out with a friend for drinks the previous night and not home asleep like they assumed. When this happens, whose fault is it? Of course, most will defend themselves by saying that their partner never asked what you were up to that evening, yet your partner assumes that you would be forthcoming in instances such as these.

A deliberate omission can be considered a lie if the lack of information changes outcomes, be it sympathy or choice. You do not owe everyone your intimate life story, however, if you are withholding relevant information to influence a person’s judgment in some way, then it will appear you are lying to them.

The omission seems to become a lie when you intentionally hide something from someone. If you know what you are omitting is, in fact, pertinent and you have a specific motive, well that is most definitely a lie. Any attempt at dishonesty is the same as a lie, regardless if it is done through providing false information or the omission of critical information.

In time, I consider omission is the same as lying if you withhold something pertinent that the other person needs to know.

Lies can happen without you even realizing you are doing it. Other times, you are quite aware of what you are doing. We are all guilty of some form of these. Fuck, I know I can be.

What other things do we lie about?

White lies – I want to include them here. The problem with these little white lies or the ones we “think” are little white lies) can come back to bite you, because regardless of the reason it’s done, it’s still a lie.  “It wasn’t me!”, “Oh yeah, that makes sense”, “I’m 29”, even a “Thank you so much! I just love it!” if said when a situation arises that you don’t wish to “deal” with the circumstance(s).

If you are in a committed relationship and have cheated on your partner, but do not tell your partner, you are still lying to them. Relationships carry the prospects of commitment and by overlooking your indiscretion; you are in fact lying to your partner.

If you fail to tell a friend that you have been pursuing the same person, slowly getting emotionally attached with them please note you are lying to your friend. Think back to high school where this happened a lot, it also happens in the kink community a lot due to a small pool of people.

If you tell people you have been in the community for years that does not equate experience – this is a form of omission and using wordplay to diminish your lack of education on a subject.

When you use fluid definitions relating to relationships (deluding yourself into believing as such), and then contradicted your own self about these definitions at times, when it is more suitable for your own purposes; you are lying.

If you exaggerate or diminish the number of sex partners you have had, you are lying.

If you are asked by your current partner(s) if you have ever cheated on past partner(s) – and you omit this information, you are lying.

Lies of omission happen when there are no guidelines established in advance for multiple partners dynamic.

When someone is masking personal gain for benevolence/service – this is a form of lying.

Not keeping confidential conversations confidential.

The amount of little stupid insecure and irrelevant things a person could lie about in their relationship(s) is abundant if you know what to look for.

Lying about your life in any way is nothing less than being a deception.  You are risking the potential loss of respect. And once trust is lost, it’s hard to restore, and some people never trust the apologetic words of a liar ever again.

When lies of any sort are happening in any relationship – and particularly once they are revealed – they undermine the groundwork that was put into it and erodes the whole foundation.

Trust issues are part of the ‘bones’ of a relationship for me and honesty is what keeps those bones in good shape to make your relationship last.

It will NEVER be optional.

 



{June 12, 2017}   Integrity


{June 11, 2017}   Productive days…

Sometimes the “high” just comes one day and i attempt to get all of the things done, while i have the energy to do it.

This is Day 2.5 and i am feeling good about what i have been accomplishing. Do you notice it is always those “little” things that make you sit back and smile?

Last night we were at a small get together we set up because we are stuck here instead of going to the City. Work made sure of that for both us, Sir works today, and i am on call for the weekend. It was good to catch up with people we haven’t seen for a while and just have a night to relax and good conversation.

It was a bonus that we went somewhere that was stumbling distance from home. It was nice to walk to and from the place. It helped slow me down a touch.

Oh, i am excited – i have finally hung up Einstein. I thought to tell Sir because well it has been bugging me for a while.

The conversation went like this:

me: okay – I have been attempting to hang Einstein… I think I did it… I pray it doesn’t fall down LoL

Sir:  OK I had to read that twice….. I thought you were talking about the cat. jesus.

me: ummm Love… i am not that barbaric

By the way, just to make this clear – this is the Einstein i am referring to:

einstein.jpg

If you knew how much i loved Einstein, you would understand why this is a good thing 🙂

i wandered outside in the yard today, because it is absolutely beautiful out there. i had charged up the weed wacker the other day in prep for some “wacking of the weeds”. The stairs to the decks, and fence are free of tall grass blades, thistles (ow), and whatever else was popping out of the ground.

The desk i sit at is finally clear of the stacked books (both sides). They have been catalogued, sorted, and put away. There is a box of doubles, triples and “meh” i don’t need/want these started. There are still a couple or four boxes to get through yet. It does mean we require a bookcase or two to home them…however i don’t think that is all that bad.

The chaos that was the desk is now clear. This was one of those things that needed to be tackled sooner than later. It has lighten my brain more than anything else.

 

The Desk:

IMG_20170611_154418

 

This is just a small sampling of what i have been doing to occupy my brain to help it relax. Unfortunately, reading and even writing is hard to do right now, as my brain is going in full throttle at the moment. i have backspaced so many times… (click, click, click) it is giving me a headache attempting to write coherently. When i am like this i need to document something so I know when i am in the “zone”.

Well, i hear that the microwave of dinged! and the chicken breasts are likely thawed. i should go and figure out what supper will consist of.

Talk to you later!

 

dot.



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