Seldom Seen Way











{October 12, 2017}   End of Night.

Wow, it has been a very steady evening workwise. There is another day to go before the weekend where we go to the City to facilitate a MAsT meeting.

The topic this month is <What ‘haunts’ your M/s>. The write up found on FetLife:

The hurdles we face in Ms dynamics aren’t generally unique to this lifestyle. For example, trying to connect while on different schedules, having conflicting priorities, using mismatched communication styles, and/or living with chronic illness or pain can haunt any relationship. The way we work with these issues while maintaining and building upon an Ms dynamic magnifies the difference between Ms and ‘vanilla’ relationships.

This Saturday, we will be discussing various difficulties faced in forming strong Ms dynamics, be them long or short term and with or without romantic love, and sharing ideas for solutions and work arounds to limit these potentially hazardous threats.

I believe this should spark some good conversation around the room.

We are also taking some time to visit with a couple of very good friends this Saturday and Sunday. Schedules and such haven’t been our Friends lately when it comes to connecting with people.

It appears the dispatching of orders for tomorrow will not do it itself… so back to work i go – one more hour, i hope.

 

 

 

 

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{October 3, 2017}   Happiness turns to Anger

with me, it can happen in a heartbeat – especially when something is slammed at you from the sideline.

That is how i am feeling right now.

Betrayed.

Disrespected.

The Ungratefulness that is now more than apparent.

Disappointed.

Angry.

Disbelief.

Seeing Red.

Wanted to do self-harm.

Trying to not listen to my Head.

This may be cryptic – however, i can’t share everything – and i don’t know if i could. The feelings i have though – that i can share openly.

 

 



{October 2, 2017}   A little news…

which is something that I have been sitting on for a few days.

We needed to ensure that certain “Family” was aware before it became public to all. My parents were the last ones on Sunday.

This is the Announcement from Sir:

“Many years ago I sat down at a Tim Hortons to have coffee with a cute brunette, we talked, laughed, and haven’t left each other’s side since. On Friday I asked that cute brunette to marry me, and am speechless that she said yes. I love you (Dot), you are my best friend, my stability, my little fae, and my partner in crime. I can’t wait for the next 50 years together”

Sir and i will be together for 10 years come this December. Keeping this secret all weekend from many people has been very difficult. If we could have told each person personally (though that would have taken a very long time), someone in the interim would have been upset along the way due to someone else spilling the beans sooner than later.

Usually, i would have spilt it out here, however, i know several people in the community read this blog (more than i even realized).

This girl is very happy, happier than i thought i would be with this news. There is much more going on in my head.

And it is hard as of late to find the time to write – as i am doing this right now at work LoL  Hopefully a touch later this week, i will squeeze in more updates.

 



{June 28, 2017}   Honesty is not optional

One of the most common reason most relationships, vanilla and kink, fail is a lack of honesty. It seems the “only as honest as I need to be” mentality is seen as the standard. Interestingly it does not just affect love relationships it includes family and friends too.

The definition of honesty is a sincerity; fairness; and freedom from deceit. A lie is not in the words or the lack of words, it’s the intention of the deceiver; the intent is to elicit a specific response from the asker. To get any insight from honesty a person needs to be able to know their own self and see themselves truthfully. This is a much more difficult concept than people realize and cannot be done quickly.

First off – You need to be honest with yourself. You need to know who you are. You need to deal with all those things that have been hiding in the back dark shadows. You need to quiet your head so that they can be heard and dealt with. Yes, I know – it is difficult – being honest with yourself. It is scary, can be messy, enlightening, freeing all in one. If you can’t be honest with and/or about yourself, you have no place to being a Master to someone while demanding they do the very thing you refuse to do.

Next, you need to be honest with your partner/slave.  You need to candidly relay what you want and need from them while being capable of telling them what you give to them in return. It is never okay to tell them what you think they want to hear; you need to tell them only the truth, no matter how difficult it may be.

And Masters ensure that your slave is honest with you. It is another step in the process of Honesty. It is not enough to hear your slave tell you something, and then go on your merry way. You need to be sure what they are telling you is the truth. It is up to you to confirm you are working with accurate information.

Now I am talking to you from the slave point of view.  I am not trying to be negative and say that a certain party will lie, sure some may, but more often than not that person will simply be ignorant of their own limits, needs, and desires.  It means they have not done the work.

Most of us to evolve and mature have done some work on being honest with ourselves. And this applies to both sides of the slash.  Truth to ourselves; awareness; looking inward to see who we are and where we find strengths or weakness is the hardest work. No one is going to deny that. However, when you do find someone that has put that work into it – it is quite sexy. If you find someone that is just starting that journey, just being there while they explore it, is quite an experience to watch.

When something does go wrong, it’s on you to handle it like a Master – especially if you are going to identify as one – You better damn well act like one. It’s your job to make sure the slave is calm, safe and healthy and to discuss what just happened. You need to accept and own up to any of your own faults, and you need to provide extensive support and compassion. You should not expect to continue having fun that night, or possibly longer – if a situation arises because of a lack of honesty especially to do with play.

Most people forget that honesty is much more than words, it is in your actions too. It does not matter if you repeatedly tell a slave something if your actions contradict your words. That is not honesty, it’s barely halfway there.

The one form of dishonesty that I am not a huge fan of and people seem to disregard is the omission lie. If I don’t mention it, it is like it never even happened – or we want them to believe.

We have all been in relationships where we have withheld things from our partners. It is usually to spare their feelings or to avoid a fight. That is all fine and dandy until your partner figures out that you went out with a friend for drinks the previous night and not home asleep like they assumed. When this happens, whose fault is it? Of course, most will defend themselves by saying that their partner never asked what you were up to that evening, yet your partner assumes that you would be forthcoming in instances such as these.

A deliberate omission can be considered a lie if the lack of information changes outcomes, be it sympathy or choice. You do not owe everyone your intimate life story, however, if you are withholding relevant information to influence a person’s judgment in some way, then it will appear you are lying to them.

The omission seems to become a lie when you intentionally hide something from someone. If you know what you are omitting is, in fact, pertinent and you have a specific motive, well that is most definitely a lie. Any attempt at dishonesty is the same as a lie, regardless if it is done through providing false information or the omission of critical information.

In time, I consider omission is the same as lying if you withhold something pertinent that the other person needs to know.

Lies can happen without you even realizing you are doing it. Other times, you are quite aware of what you are doing. We are all guilty of some form of these. Fuck, I know I can be.

What other things do we lie about?

White lies – I want to include them here. The problem with these little white lies or the ones we “think” are little white lies) can come back to bite you, because regardless of the reason it’s done, it’s still a lie.  “It wasn’t me!”, “Oh yeah, that makes sense”, “I’m 29”, even a “Thank you so much! I just love it!” if said when a situation arises that you don’t wish to “deal” with the circumstance(s).

If you are in a committed relationship and have cheated on your partner, but do not tell your partner, you are still lying to them. Relationships carry the prospects of commitment and by overlooking your indiscretion; you are in fact lying to your partner.

If you fail to tell a friend that you have been pursuing the same person, slowly getting emotionally attached with them please note you are lying to your friend. Think back to high school where this happened a lot, it also happens in the kink community a lot due to a small pool of people.

If you tell people you have been in the community for years that does not equate experience – this is a form of omission and using wordplay to diminish your lack of education on a subject.

When you use fluid definitions relating to relationships (deluding yourself into believing as such), and then contradicted your own self about these definitions at times, when it is more suitable for your own purposes; you are lying.

If you exaggerate or diminish the number of sex partners you have had, you are lying.

If you are asked by your current partner(s) if you have ever cheated on past partner(s) – and you omit this information, you are lying.

Lies of omission happen when there are no guidelines established in advance for multiple partners dynamic.

When someone is masking personal gain for benevolence/service – this is a form of lying.

Not keeping confidential conversations confidential.

The amount of little stupid insecure and irrelevant things a person could lie about in their relationship(s) is abundant if you know what to look for.

Lying about your life in any way is nothing less than being a deception.  You are risking the potential loss of respect. And once trust is lost, it’s hard to restore, and some people never trust the apologetic words of a liar ever again.

When lies of any sort are happening in any relationship – and particularly once they are revealed – they undermine the groundwork that was put into it and erodes the whole foundation.

Trust issues are part of the ‘bones’ of a relationship for me and honesty is what keeps those bones in good shape to make your relationship last.

It will NEVER be optional.

 



{June 23, 2017}   Always be you

lying in bed before bedtime

Sir: My little fae, I’m really happy with you.

me: Well I’m glad You are. What do I do to keep You happy?

Sir: Just by being you.

me: thank gods, cause I don’t know how to be anyone else … It is one of the reasons I could never get into role playing. Weirds me out.

Sir: …

Sir: Fuck….. I love you.

 



{June 12, 2017}   Integrity


{May 28, 2017}   Closure.

Sometimes it comes in the most unexpected ways. At least now, it will be easier.



{May 4, 2017}   Topics.


{April 26, 2017}   Not my Circus, Not my Monkeys

Being the good Polish girl that i was brought up to be, this idiom rings true in my Life. Basically – If it’s not your monkey, and it’s not even from your circus, then it’s not your problem.

4-26-2017 6-16-41 PM

i won’t interfere or bother myself with trouble in a place i don’t belong to or have no authority — it’s someone else’s job to deal with this.

The problem i have is when another person assumes you took a side when you only acknowledged someone’s frustration concerning something. And we do this with all friends and acquaintances that we are connected with on some level.

The other problem i have is when said person decided to email in a hostile manner without giving much thought into how it would be received. There was no context to what or who it was pertaining to. It does not make it any better when they write using the fact Community Leaders need to be careful who they “support”.  Being somewhat threatening to where our “loyalties” seem to lie, in my opinion, is a very low place to go. This person did not have the right to do that and was very disrespectful. It would be like me going to her Sir and lecturing him on who he should or should not associate with.

The next reply after Sir wrote her was to apologize that the email might be taken hostile.  It then became an email under the guise of being helpful, however, at that point, the damage was already done.

i would think that being mindful of the written word especially in this circumstance would have been prudent. If i ever did that to anyone and Sir found out – my arse would be more than black and blue (and not in a fun way).

i am the one that had to deal with Sir after this interaction. It was not pretty at all. He kept thinking He did something wrong and went back to see if He wrote something that could be thought of taking a side. There was not. We as a couple, ensure that is the case especially when drama may pop up. We are just as confused as everyone else once it started to explode in front of us. All we had were questions and it definitely wasn’t the time to ask them.

Perception can be a bitch – I agree. In this case, the person was making an assumption on something without even asking where we might have stood on said topic. And sadly we had to guess what the person was referring to initially.

Apparently, it is fine that they are able to pick a side and declare it – yet it is not allowed to others even if you are a Leader in the community. Personally, i do not think they should have stepped in either. Let the people that are running the event, clean up their own shit. All this is doing is making the lines pretty clear where people stand.

As Sir has said before, we will be Switzerland. We do not know either parties side to the situation and likely never will.

We do not attend this event due to when it is scheduled – usually a work weekend for Sir.

It is unfortunate that this has become a Shit-Show for all of the Fetlife participants and for the Community at Large in the City to witness. We did not consent to this mess being splayed across our screens (actually “gagged” individuals on my feed because of this) and i do not think people should drag others into it – even if it is only an assumption.

This is also unfortunate to what is going and is happening to the BDSM/Kink community.

I do hope it improves or at least all Egos are put on the side for the sake of the community without splitting it even further than it is.



{February 27, 2017}   First Day of the Next Year.

This weekend was most likely the best celebration of my yearly event. There was nothing crazy and wild going, no birthday beatings or being spoiled with useless material items.

It was a weekend that made me smile and have tears at the end of it of happiness.

It started off at home at 9 am, when i told my oldest daughter that i would pick her up from the dealership as she was getting some recall work done on her truck. The only thing with that time is that i wasn’t done work until 2:30 am, and finally got home closer to 3. Knowing how i am and going to sleep it was closer to  5 am for me.

Anyway, i picked up Belle and brought her to the house. And i went to lay back down for a couple of more hours to feel better rested.  She took the time to continue cleaning out the bedroom that she had most of Life stored in since June (she just bought a house with her Partner just before Yule and still doing some reno’s)

She also decided to tidy up, put away the dishes that were in the dishwasher, clean up the coffee bar, and wash floors so that i could enjoy the time off without worrying about what i need to do when we get back. That was a great gift – to alleviate some of my anxiety and allow me to relax on that front.

Apparently, we didn’t get to leave as early as we wanted due to the dealership not calling to tell her they didn’t have the parts. We made it work, though, it meant shopping was a Sunday thing instead.

We drove into the City and got to Sir L and el’s place about 7 pm – giving us time to have a quick visit and a couple of drinks to start the evening. Sir had picked out my outfit for the most part and said sensible shoes (smart man LoL). He corseted me up (which is a favourite time with Him now that He is pretty proficient with it) and away we went.

Please note – this is what i can remember LoL – if i forget anything or anyone – i apolgize now as there was so much going on 🙂

Arriving at Subwoofer, the wonderful Miss J was at the door and greeted us as she appeared to be taking a break from Bootblacking. Taking our usual seats in the back corner, we noticed how quiet it was for the time…however, that changed quickly and people we recognized were wandering in. Snug and her partner sat with us until the rest of their crew showed up. It was good to sit and talk with those two.

All in all – It was an awesome night, as i was dreading a bit to going (only a few people know to the why), and had to tell myself to let things go and have fun.  And fun i had. i was talking to one person about corsets, and another on Life in general as a slave and our “pasts”. i got to watch Miss J black Sir’s boots which look awesome by the way. We had a great conversation with Miss J as that was happening (note to self to ensure we make time for Tea with Her when time permits). It was too bad we didn’t get to see Her girls.

A surprise visit from the other House as they wandered up to us. It was good to see Betty and her crew show up along with a couple of tag-a-longs.

i discovered a new shooter that i think is a new favourite – thanks to eius-socius, i now know what they are and love White Chinas. It was really good to be able to have one on one with her talking.

i got to see many yagger and white china shots that evening (thanks to all who contributed) and there was no complaining by me. There were several doubles of Green Apples to chase those down.

Sunday getting up hurt a touch – only because 11 am is -early- for me, other than that i was good. Breakfast was yummy, as el made french toast banana bread with a strawberry compote and chocolate syrup ❤

After cleaning up our room, showered, and say our goodbyes we went to the Mall. We wandered about as it has been close to a year since we have been. Sir bought me a new mug  (It is Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children) and a couple of shirts for Himself.

As it was getting late, we still needed to go to Betty’s House. Sir needed to help out with a virus thing on their laptop. It allowed a quick visit before we were on the road again.

The ride home was quiet and allowed us to contemplate the last couple of days…with random comments. You know that time when something you remembered and you just want to share little snippets – that is what i would call it.

Being at home and seeing our furry assholes signalled to me that i could relax and enjoy this vacation that started off great. To add to it, the other daughter came by too and did a couple of things (clean the fridge as one) to help out.

The bath was drawn with Epson salts to soak and then the jets came on, with bubble bath to agitate. It felt luxurious and Sir woke me from my small nap as i seemed to be taking awhile. It was then time for a hot tea and a bagel while we watched an episode of Bones before bed.

It was a weekend that i thanked Sir many times for – as He knows how i usually act the month or so and during my Birthday. i made an effort this year not to go into a low, and to enjoy what i have and who is in my Life.

i want to again to thank everyone that was there this weekend – you might not realize what you did, however just being there and taking time to share some of it with me – means more than i can tell you.

And you know what –  i am a blessed woman.



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