Seldom Seen Way











{June 11, 2017}   Productive days…

Sometimes the “high” just comes one day and i attempt to get all of the things done, while i have the energy to do it.

This is Day 2.5 and i am feeling good about what i have been accomplishing. Do you notice it is always those “little” things that make you sit back and smile?

Last night we were at a small get together we set up because we are stuck here instead of going to the City. Work made sure of that for both us, Sir works today, and i am on call for the weekend. It was good to catch up with people we haven’t seen for a while and just have a night to relax and good conversation.

It was a bonus that we went somewhere that was stumbling distance from home. It was nice to walk to and from the place. It helped slow me down a touch.

Oh, i am excited – i have finally hung up Einstein. I thought to tell Sir because well it has been bugging me for a while.

The conversation went like this:

me: okay – I have been attempting to hang Einstein… I think I did it… I pray it doesn’t fall down LoL

Sir:  OK I had to read that twice….. I thought you were talking about the cat. jesus.

me: ummm Love… i am not that barbaric

By the way, just to make this clear – this is the Einstein i am referring to:

einstein.jpg

If you knew how much i loved Einstein, you would understand why this is a good thing 🙂

i wandered outside in the yard today, because it is absolutely beautiful out there. i had charged up the weed wacker the other day in prep for some “wacking of the weeds”. The stairs to the decks, and fence are free of tall grass blades, thistles (ow), and whatever else was popping out of the ground.

The desk i sit at is finally clear of the stacked books (both sides). They have been catalogued, sorted, and put away. There is a box of doubles, triples and “meh” i don’t need/want these started. There are still a couple or four boxes to get through yet. It does mean we require a bookcase or two to home them…however i don’t think that is all that bad.

The chaos that was the desk is now clear. This was one of those things that needed to be tackled sooner than later. It has lighten my brain more than anything else.

 

The Desk:

IMG_20170611_154418

 

This is just a small sampling of what i have been doing to occupy my brain to help it relax. Unfortunately, reading and even writing is hard to do right now, as my brain is going in full throttle at the moment. i have backspaced so many times… (click, click, click) it is giving me a headache attempting to write coherently. When i am like this i need to document something so I know when i am in the “zone”.

Well, i hear that the microwave of dinged! and the chicken breasts are likely thawed. i should go and figure out what supper will consist of.

Talk to you later!

 

dot.



{May 4, 2017}   Topics.


{May 3, 2017}   Draft topics/titles:

Touch ago, i wrote that i have several drafts just waiting to be written – some of them have been sitting there for nearly a year. Some you can tell what they are obviously about, and there a few that the title is vague. All that really matters at this point is that i know what they concern. Many of them will not go beyond what you see now.

Fascinated by this and how it works: Herd mentality, or mob mentality, describes how people are influenced by their peers to adopt certain behaviours. A group of 3 or more persons, who act with a negative group conscience to show strength in numbers.

The secrets that are entrusted to you and not bring them up so as to not hurt people you know. What it does to you and hope that you can trust others with your information. I found this apparently is not the case.

People tend to forget what you have done for them when they were in distress – and how it may affect the person/people dealing with their issues with them.

People are not always what they seem. Don’t judge a book by its cover.

What is a Master (to me)?

Insecurity, Character and how they align.

Accepting an apology the first time and letting it go.

Oddball. I feel like the one that doesn’t belong.

Being appreciated.

Owning your shit, and not take on other’s shit as your own to not deal with yours.

Great Weekend Getaway

The Instant Gratification Age

Romance comes in different ways.

A secret love affair…

Still Buzzing.



{March 8, 2017}   After-mess of a Blizzard.

i am in the office and cleaning up the mess that happens when your city broke their own record for the longest blizzard.

This world that i am in involves SAP (lovely program /sarcasm), lots of paperwork due to everything being already invoiced and posted to finance and re-issuing of paperwork along with revisions of trailers, carriers and product.

A few facts of the Blizzard:

3-8-2017 9-15-37 PM

The highways are slowly opening up in areas. One section opened at 10:30 am, another at 4:24 pm (just as i got into the office), and a few others around us the last 2 or 3 hours.

This means that trucks are starting to roll into the Plant, and grumbling because they want their trailers already done. We are still working on 2 trailers from Monday currently, while production doesn’t really care we are behind. It means we are trying to get today, yesterday’s and Monday’s orders done…to boot – this is Cali night. That is a mess on its own without adding the rest of this.

With all that, i still have to deal with the International orders (China and Japan), removing CHEP pallets (due to removing the product from trucks) from spreadsheets prior to uploading them so customers are not charged in error and dispatch for tomorrow hasn’t even been looked at. It might be a longer night than i wish for.

Sir needed to get to work and had to push the car in order for us to move forward… and pushed me out last night, along with another neighbour as he was walking towards finding me.

He is a sore man today – thankfully someone (who i believe was the Park Front Loader) came and cleared our driveway. It was as high as Sir’s waist and we had to walk around to the neighbour’s yard on the hard packed snow to get out. i do hope He takes a soak in the tub – He really deserves it.

The house is a little overwhelming too, as we have been trying to keep on top of the weather and work. We have MAsT on Saturday to get ready for…i need to ensure we have proper winter gear for the trip. The house chores will have to wait till Sunday unless i can sneak in a couple of things before then.

Sir just got home – and about to call….

Talk to you all later 🙂

Dot.

 



{November 22, 2016}   DomSplained

When a -note- of the combined conversations/discussions of a night of MAsT on Consideration and Training is responded to by an individual who is obviously not from the area, nor understand what MAsT does … ends with her commenting after some dribble “Many people don’t do consideration or training periods. I never did it with my master. He’s been doing this since you were about eleven years old and has never done that consideration or treating with any of his relationships.”

The last line is what did it to me: “Why is it that I feel like I’ve just been DomSplained?” – You wish to bitch slap them. Good for you – I am glad it worked out for you.

The reason I say this is – I tend to read the profiles of the commenters – when you say one thing and read or do another, you do not become credible. It is interesting when your profile states one thing, and you read through it and find something else entirely – you were not considered? you didn’t train? I call bullshit – wait – your profile tells me that. Sockpuppet/troll accounts really piss me off.

I suppose she must know what we were discussing as a group – with the back and forth, and sharing. She must know what people were wanting to know, and wanted to ask – some afraid to even speak, yet got out of their comfort spot to do so.

If the information came off as DomSplaining… then I do not know what I can say – since I am definitely not a Dom and I was the one that put the notes together. There were a few websites sited and their words used – to give our members some links that may be helpful in their Life and Journey with TPE.

I am a little pissed off – and that is alright.

It was a good meeting with a lot of good information. I do hope that people got what they needed from it.

Edit (2 days later) : You definitely can tell i was agitated when i wrote this.



Sexual orientation is something that is hard to describe for yourself especially in this day and age where there are so many choices. i fall under the umbrella of Pansexual and have for several years and many of the relationships that i have had would reflect this. i am attracted to people regardless of their gender, sex or presentation.

Let us start with the definition of Sexual Orientation:

Sexual Orientation – (noun) the type of sexual, romantic, emotional/spiritual attraction one feels for others, often labelled based on the gender relationship between the person and the people they are attracted to (often mistakenly referred to as sexual preference)

Sexual orientation is different from gender and gender identity — how you feel about and express your gender.

i have noticed that many people pick one and still do not really understand what or why they picked it.

 

Here is a quick list of some Terms with a definition to follow each:

i will leave a link to a great website for these and so many others as a reference if you have questions.

http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2013/01/a-comprehensive-list-of-lgbtq-term-definitions/#sthash.4YcPQEqL.dpbs

Aromantic – (adj) is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others and/or a lack of interest in forming romantic relationships.

Asexual – (adj) having a lack of (or low level of) sexual attraction to others and/or a lack of interest or desire for sex or sexual partners.  Asexuality exists on a spectrum from people who experience no sexual attraction or have any desire for sex to those who experience low levels and only after significant amounts of time, many of these different places on the spectrum have their own identity labels.

Bicurious – (adj) a curiosity about having attraction to people of the same gender/sex (similar to questioning)

Bisexual – (adj) a person emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to male/men and females/women.  Other individuals may use this to indicate an attraction to individuals who identify outside of the gender binary as well and may use bisexual as a way to indicate an interest in more than one gender or sex (i.e. men and genderqueer people).

Demisexual – (noun) an individual who does not experience sexual attraction unless they have formed a strong emotional connection with another individual. Often within a romantic relationship.

Gay – (adj) (1) a term used to describe individuals who are primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to members of the same sex and/or gender.

Genderqueer – (adj) a gender identity label often used by people who do not identify with the binary of man/woman; or as an umbrella term for many gender non-conforming or non-binary identities (e.g., agender, bigender, genderfluid). Genderqueer people may think of themselves as one or more of the following, and they may define these terms differently: may combine aspects man and woman and other identities (bigender, pangender); not having a gender or identifying with a gender (genderless, agender); moving between genders (genderfluid); third gender or other-gendered; includes those who do not place a name to their gender having an overlap of, or blurred lines between, gender identity and sexual and romantic orientation.

Heterosexual – (adj) a person primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to members of the opposite sex. Also known as straight.

Lesbian – (noun) a term used to describe women attracted romantically, erotically, and/or emotionally to other women.

Pansexual – (adj) a person who experiences sexual, romantic, physical, and/or spiritual attraction for members of all gender identities/expressions

Questioning (verb, adjective) – an individual who is unsure about or is exploring their own sexual orientation or gender identity.

Transsexual – (noun & adj) a person who identifies psychologically as a gender/sex other than the one to which they were assigned at birth. Transsexuals often wish to transform their bodies hormonally and surgically to match their inner sense of gender/sex.

Two-Spirit – (noun) is an umbrella term traditionally used by Native American people to recognize individuals who possess qualities or fulfill roles of both genders

 

As you can see, this is a small collection of terms that you will hear when you are out and about in the World. It can become confusing if you are unsure and that is alright.

 

 

 



{October 14, 2016}   Low.

i am wishing this wasn’t starting now, that it would go away for a while. Let me enjoy the month.

The start of a low has been happening for about a week, maybe two. One of the first hints is my forearm, it is starting to look like a war zone. i just want to scratch it off already. And the sleepless nights are starting to catch up with me.It seems 6am comes easily before i realize i need to sleep – even though my body is tired. i won’t even start to write what goes on in my head when this happens. Hell, it depresses me.

With the lack of sleep, comes other issues. The brain doesn’t want to remember Fuck All right now. People rattle off things and i can’t keep up. The simple Math game i play at the grocery store is not fun anymore – just a necessity to ensure i stay within budget.

i have been getting more clumsy too, not able to do a simple task at times. i am hitting the corners of things, or missing the fact a door is open.  The tics have decided this is a great time to pop up too…which doesn’t help with the anxiety. It is one of those things that i take a huge effort to avoid in public or at least dampen them.

The headaches are starting again, making it more difficult to even concentrate on work. Then it feels i have to make more effort to do my job which is detail oriented as it is. It becomes very exhausting.

i want to eat ALL the things OR not eat at all. When i do start, i wish the hell i didn’t. i can’t find a happy place with it. i have to eat to survive, so you get to a point of forcing it in. You force it in and instantly regret it.

Sometimes i feel suffocated, and then other days i feel so alone.

Sir has noticed, He always ask if there is anything He can do. i always say no, just be here. i just hope that i am there for Him enough.

Normally i wouldn’t be this detailed on what happens however i need to accept that this is me sometimes. Accepting me is likely the hardest thing i have to do in Life.

i am writing this to get it out there, to recognize what it is doing to me, to help me analyze it, knowing it won’t last – and at least realize i need to change things to make it better.



{October 14, 2016}   Act of Engaging
***This is a post i started many moons ago.  It is just now that i am getting back to it – bits and pieces, here and there. ***

Yes, that word can get pretty messy sometimes.

i find it is the easiest way to deal with some individuals is not to engage them… as they do not get the hint, that the subject has been dropped. Basically – it is done – in my mind anyway. i am not going to waste any more time, and giving myself a headache.

i notice that with many friends of late, you can start engaging in a conversation, or situation that you know is going to blow up into something bigger than it should. And then you wonder…should i even continue.

For some people, it is like a fuel to the fire. They enjoy it in a sense… a slight high from it. You can actually see them getting off on it. The experience i have from this one was the ex-husband – it gave me a lot of practise to know how to deal with it – almost on a daily basis. You get really good at learning how to diffuse small fires before they become too big and consume everyone and everything around you.

i find these people like to monopolize time even when you are not with them. The time spent dealing with them… along with the time spent venting to your partner(s) or friends about them becoming an obsession sometimes with them. They steal your time and your energy – more than you even start to realize.

The one thing i love about being an introvert is that engaging with people is not something i seek out. i do not want to be the center of attention however, i do not want to be ignored entirely either. i will engage if i need to.

Not engaging in conversations that irk me or you can see the other person doing it for attention, pardon i will change that, doing it for validation makes me sad that a person has to do that to feel worthy.

Engaging with these type of people feels like you are going in a circular motion with no end coming. It does not matter what you say to them, it will never be enough, or it is too much and they end up taking something entirely something else from it. It appears to be always to be One extreme or another. They are never happy without having the Last Word – Whatever  and how that may be.

There is a subset of people i at times do want to engage with however their intelligence and emotional IQ being that it is low and/or get in the way of a good conversation, would in the end just frustrate me to get them to understand what i was willing to bring to the conversation.

When i talk about these people, i usually am referring to people who are religion / political zealots, and managers/supervisors whose heads are too big –  actually anyone that feels they have any amount of Power over you (and no, i am not talking about someone you submit to WILLINGLY.)

There are still moments that i open up my mouth when i know i should not – though it is rare these days. i instantly regret doing it, and attempt to back out before i make it worse for all parties. The ones that make it the hardest, are the persistent ones… they do not know enough to leave it be.

Sometimes words are not needed and Learning that pushing will not solve/make better a situation every time. You need to accept that. You are not always going to feel better when you do it. You are not always going to get the reaction that you are hoping.

Engaging is an Art at times. Just be prepared for the Outcome – whatever it may or not be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



{July 20, 2016}   Outlet…

i need to find an outlet for this pent up energy…especially when i am frustrated from Life. It gets so bad that by the time i was able to finally leave the office it was 40 minutes later. i walked out feeling the tears well up in my eyes…teasing them…trying to roll down my cheek. Wanting so badly to punch something…anything… Hell even throw heavy things.

Noting that it is 2am and finding something to fill that void…you can see my challenge. Oh and the fact that Sir’s alarm will be going off in just a little over 5 hours.

Today will yet be another busy one. i will take Sir to work…come home and get ready to travel to where i kinda grewup.A friend that i have known since i was 4 is visiting her parents for the week. TC comes to MB once a year. This is the only day i can make it work. So i will be driving 30 minutes there to visit for about an hour and a half to race back for 3ish.

This is the day that Sir also booked our hair appointments after His work and before i work. It will be a full day of bustling my arse…i hope i get to actually enjoy it. If anything i will not have bangs in my eyes and will be able to see. The whole side part thing just doesn’t cut it.

Anyway, time to close the eyes…or attempt to.



{July 19, 2016}   These moments

i just got home from work…undressed, collar removed and set down on Sir’s side table with key in its case.

As i  am doing this, i watch Him sleeping with the glow of the light from the washroom. i would really do anything and have for this Man. Leaning in, i kiss Him gently…a slight smile comes to my face…i can feel my eyes twinkle and my insides jump with excitement. i am His.

Now i am beside Him listening to Him breathe and soft noises coming from Him. He is content in His sleep. He senses i am home and in bed…He rolls over and touches me…as i reach out, putting my hand on His chest. He still is sleeping soundly. His chest heaving up and down… My fingers being tickled by His chest hair.

i really don’t know where I was going with this post… Just that I know I had to write what i was experiencing right this moment…to capture it somehow…to be able to store that feeling and pop it out when needed.

i am truly a happy girl with Him. The world would be a very dark place if He was not here with me….He is my sun and moon.



et cetera
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