Seldom Seen Way











{October 12, 2017}   End of Night.

Wow, it has been a very steady evening workwise. There is another day to go before the weekend where we go to the City to facilitate a MAsT meeting.

The topic this month is <What ‘haunts’ your M/s>. The write up found on FetLife:

The hurdles we face in Ms dynamics aren’t generally unique to this lifestyle. For example, trying to connect while on different schedules, having conflicting priorities, using mismatched communication styles, and/or living with chronic illness or pain can haunt any relationship. The way we work with these issues while maintaining and building upon an Ms dynamic magnifies the difference between Ms and ‘vanilla’ relationships.

This Saturday, we will be discussing various difficulties faced in forming strong Ms dynamics, be them long or short term and with or without romantic love, and sharing ideas for solutions and work arounds to limit these potentially hazardous threats.

I believe this should spark some good conversation around the room.

We are also taking some time to visit with a couple of very good friends this Saturday and Sunday. Schedules and such haven’t been our Friends lately when it comes to connecting with people.

It appears the dispatching of orders for tomorrow will not do it itself… so back to work i go – one more hour, i hope.

 

 

 

 

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{July 25, 2017}   Low day

i am feeling low in energy and spirit today. i want to write about what is going on with my days however it seems i -might- offend people if they -think- it is about them.

There is nothing tragic, just patiently waiting for my vacation coming up starting this Saturday. As it is, the weekend is non-stop from the looks of it right now. Also adding to it is news from -e- concerning venue issue for MAsT come September. We need to find a new home.

Anyway, i should drag my arse and get the dispatch done at work. There is many changes happening here to add to my stress – and that includes hiring another person. To be honest i am happy that one of the minions is transferring to the other Plant. It is just causing a bit of chaos for me.

Laters,

dot.

 



{June 28, 2017}   Honesty is not optional

One of the most common reason most relationships, vanilla and kink, fail is a lack of honesty. It seems the “only as honest as I need to be” mentality is seen as the standard. Interestingly it does not just affect love relationships it includes family and friends too.

The definition of honesty is a sincerity; fairness; and freedom from deceit. A lie is not in the words or the lack of words, it’s the intention of the deceiver; the intent is to elicit a specific response from the asker. To get any insight from honesty a person needs to be able to know their own self and see themselves truthfully. This is a much more difficult concept than people realize and cannot be done quickly.

First off – You need to be honest with yourself. You need to know who you are. You need to deal with all those things that have been hiding in the back dark shadows. You need to quiet your head so that they can be heard and dealt with. Yes, I know – it is difficult – being honest with yourself. It is scary, can be messy, enlightening, freeing all in one. If you can’t be honest with and/or about yourself, you have no place to being a Master to someone while demanding they do the very thing you refuse to do.

Next, you need to be honest with your partner/slave.  You need to candidly relay what you want and need from them while being capable of telling them what you give to them in return. It is never okay to tell them what you think they want to hear; you need to tell them only the truth, no matter how difficult it may be.

And Masters ensure that your slave is honest with you. It is another step in the process of Honesty. It is not enough to hear your slave tell you something, and then go on your merry way. You need to be sure what they are telling you is the truth. It is up to you to confirm you are working with accurate information.

Now I am talking to you from the slave point of view.  I am not trying to be negative and say that a certain party will lie, sure some may, but more often than not that person will simply be ignorant of their own limits, needs, and desires.  It means they have not done the work.

Most of us to evolve and mature have done some work on being honest with ourselves. And this applies to both sides of the slash.  Truth to ourselves; awareness; looking inward to see who we are and where we find strengths or weakness is the hardest work. No one is going to deny that. However, when you do find someone that has put that work into it – it is quite sexy. If you find someone that is just starting that journey, just being there while they explore it, is quite an experience to watch.

When something does go wrong, it’s on you to handle it like a Master – especially if you are going to identify as one – You better damn well act like one. It’s your job to make sure the slave is calm, safe and healthy and to discuss what just happened. You need to accept and own up to any of your own faults, and you need to provide extensive support and compassion. You should not expect to continue having fun that night, or possibly longer – if a situation arises because of a lack of honesty especially to do with play.

Most people forget that honesty is much more than words, it is in your actions too. It does not matter if you repeatedly tell a slave something if your actions contradict your words. That is not honesty, it’s barely halfway there.

The one form of dishonesty that I am not a huge fan of and people seem to disregard is the omission lie. If I don’t mention it, it is like it never even happened – or we want them to believe.

We have all been in relationships where we have withheld things from our partners. It is usually to spare their feelings or to avoid a fight. That is all fine and dandy until your partner figures out that you went out with a friend for drinks the previous night and not home asleep like they assumed. When this happens, whose fault is it? Of course, most will defend themselves by saying that their partner never asked what you were up to that evening, yet your partner assumes that you would be forthcoming in instances such as these.

A deliberate omission can be considered a lie if the lack of information changes outcomes, be it sympathy or choice. You do not owe everyone your intimate life story, however, if you are withholding relevant information to influence a person’s judgment in some way, then it will appear you are lying to them.

The omission seems to become a lie when you intentionally hide something from someone. If you know what you are omitting is, in fact, pertinent and you have a specific motive, well that is most definitely a lie. Any attempt at dishonesty is the same as a lie, regardless if it is done through providing false information or the omission of critical information.

In time, I consider omission is the same as lying if you withhold something pertinent that the other person needs to know.

Lies can happen without you even realizing you are doing it. Other times, you are quite aware of what you are doing. We are all guilty of some form of these. Fuck, I know I can be.

What other things do we lie about?

White lies – I want to include them here. The problem with these little white lies or the ones we “think” are little white lies) can come back to bite you, because regardless of the reason it’s done, it’s still a lie.  “It wasn’t me!”, “Oh yeah, that makes sense”, “I’m 29”, even a “Thank you so much! I just love it!” if said when a situation arises that you don’t wish to “deal” with the circumstance(s).

If you are in a committed relationship and have cheated on your partner, but do not tell your partner, you are still lying to them. Relationships carry the prospects of commitment and by overlooking your indiscretion; you are in fact lying to your partner.

If you fail to tell a friend that you have been pursuing the same person, slowly getting emotionally attached with them please note you are lying to your friend. Think back to high school where this happened a lot, it also happens in the kink community a lot due to a small pool of people.

If you tell people you have been in the community for years that does not equate experience – this is a form of omission and using wordplay to diminish your lack of education on a subject.

When you use fluid definitions relating to relationships (deluding yourself into believing as such), and then contradicted your own self about these definitions at times, when it is more suitable for your own purposes; you are lying.

If you exaggerate or diminish the number of sex partners you have had, you are lying.

If you are asked by your current partner(s) if you have ever cheated on past partner(s) – and you omit this information, you are lying.

Lies of omission happen when there are no guidelines established in advance for multiple partners dynamic.

When someone is masking personal gain for benevolence/service – this is a form of lying.

Not keeping confidential conversations confidential.

The amount of little stupid insecure and irrelevant things a person could lie about in their relationship(s) is abundant if you know what to look for.

Lying about your life in any way is nothing less than being a deception.  You are risking the potential loss of respect. And once trust is lost, it’s hard to restore, and some people never trust the apologetic words of a liar ever again.

When lies of any sort are happening in any relationship – and particularly once they are revealed – they undermine the groundwork that was put into it and erodes the whole foundation.

Trust issues are part of the ‘bones’ of a relationship for me and honesty is what keeps those bones in good shape to make your relationship last.

It will NEVER be optional.

 



{June 11, 2017}   Productive days…

Sometimes the “high” just comes one day and i attempt to get all of the things done, while i have the energy to do it.

This is Day 2.5 and i am feeling good about what i have been accomplishing. Do you notice it is always those “little” things that make you sit back and smile?

Last night we were at a small get together we set up because we are stuck here instead of going to the City. Work made sure of that for both us, Sir works today, and i am on call for the weekend. It was good to catch up with people we haven’t seen for a while and just have a night to relax and good conversation.

It was a bonus that we went somewhere that was stumbling distance from home. It was nice to walk to and from the place. It helped slow me down a touch.

Oh, i am excited – i have finally hung up Einstein. I thought to tell Sir because well it has been bugging me for a while.

The conversation went like this:

me: okay – I have been attempting to hang Einstein… I think I did it… I pray it doesn’t fall down LoL

Sir:  OK I had to read that twice….. I thought you were talking about the cat. jesus.

me: ummm Love… i am not that barbaric

By the way, just to make this clear – this is the Einstein i am referring to:

einstein.jpg

If you knew how much i loved Einstein, you would understand why this is a good thing 🙂

i wandered outside in the yard today, because it is absolutely beautiful out there. i had charged up the weed wacker the other day in prep for some “wacking of the weeds”. The stairs to the decks, and fence are free of tall grass blades, thistles (ow), and whatever else was popping out of the ground.

The desk i sit at is finally clear of the stacked books (both sides). They have been catalogued, sorted, and put away. There is a box of doubles, triples and “meh” i don’t need/want these started. There are still a couple or four boxes to get through yet. It does mean we require a bookcase or two to home them…however i don’t think that is all that bad.

The chaos that was the desk is now clear. This was one of those things that needed to be tackled sooner than later. It has lighten my brain more than anything else.

 

The Desk:

IMG_20170611_154418

 

This is just a small sampling of what i have been doing to occupy my brain to help it relax. Unfortunately, reading and even writing is hard to do right now, as my brain is going in full throttle at the moment. i have backspaced so many times… (click, click, click) it is giving me a headache attempting to write coherently. When i am like this i need to document something so I know when i am in the “zone”.

Well, i hear that the microwave of dinged! and the chicken breasts are likely thawed. i should go and figure out what supper will consist of.

Talk to you later!

 

dot.



{May 4, 2017}   Topics.


{May 3, 2017}   Draft topics/titles:

Touch ago, i wrote that i have several drafts just waiting to be written – some of them have been sitting there for nearly a year. Some you can tell what they are obviously about, and there a few that the title is vague. All that really matters at this point is that i know what they concern. Many of them will not go beyond what you see now.

Fascinated by this and how it works: Herd mentality, or mob mentality, describes how people are influenced by their peers to adopt certain behaviours. A group of 3 or more persons, who act with a negative group conscience to show strength in numbers.

The secrets that are entrusted to you and not bring them up so as to not hurt people you know. What it does to you and hope that you can trust others with your information. I found this apparently is not the case.

People tend to forget what you have done for them when they were in distress – and how it may affect the person/people dealing with their issues with them.

People are not always what they seem. Don’t judge a book by its cover.

What is a Master (to me)?

Insecurity, Character and how they align.

Accepting an apology the first time and letting it go.

Oddball. I feel like the one that doesn’t belong.

Being appreciated.

Owning your shit, and not take on other’s shit as your own to not deal with yours.

Great Weekend Getaway

The Instant Gratification Age

Romance comes in different ways.

A secret love affair…

Still Buzzing.



{March 8, 2017}   After-mess of a Blizzard.

i am in the office and cleaning up the mess that happens when your city broke their own record for the longest blizzard.

This world that i am in involves SAP (lovely program /sarcasm), lots of paperwork due to everything being already invoiced and posted to finance and re-issuing of paperwork along with revisions of trailers, carriers and product.

A few facts of the Blizzard:

3-8-2017 9-15-37 PM

The highways are slowly opening up in areas. One section opened at 10:30 am, another at 4:24 pm (just as i got into the office), and a few others around us the last 2 or 3 hours.

This means that trucks are starting to roll into the Plant, and grumbling because they want their trailers already done. We are still working on 2 trailers from Monday currently, while production doesn’t really care we are behind. It means we are trying to get today, yesterday’s and Monday’s orders done…to boot – this is Cali night. That is a mess on its own without adding the rest of this.

With all that, i still have to deal with the International orders (China and Japan), removing CHEP pallets (due to removing the product from trucks) from spreadsheets prior to uploading them so customers are not charged in error and dispatch for tomorrow hasn’t even been looked at. It might be a longer night than i wish for.

Sir needed to get to work and had to push the car in order for us to move forward… and pushed me out last night, along with another neighbour as he was walking towards finding me.

He is a sore man today – thankfully someone (who i believe was the Park Front Loader) came and cleared our driveway. It was as high as Sir’s waist and we had to walk around to the neighbour’s yard on the hard packed snow to get out. i do hope He takes a soak in the tub – He really deserves it.

The house is a little overwhelming too, as we have been trying to keep on top of the weather and work. We have MAsT on Saturday to get ready for…i need to ensure we have proper winter gear for the trip. The house chores will have to wait till Sunday unless i can sneak in a couple of things before then.

Sir just got home – and about to call….

Talk to you all later 🙂

Dot.

 



{November 22, 2016}   DomSplained

When a -note- of the combined conversations/discussions of a night of MAsT on Consideration and Training is responded to by an individual who is obviously not from the area, nor understand what MAsT does … ends with her commenting after some dribble “Many people don’t do consideration or training periods. I never did it with my master. He’s been doing this since you were about eleven years old and has never done that consideration or treating with any of his relationships.”

The last line is what did it to me: “Why is it that I feel like I’ve just been DomSplained?” – You wish to bitch slap them. Good for you – I am glad it worked out for you.

The reason I say this is – I tend to read the profiles of the commenters – when you say one thing and read or do another, you do not become credible. It is interesting when your profile states one thing, and you read through it and find something else entirely – you were not considered? you didn’t train? I call bullshit – wait – your profile tells me that. Sockpuppet/troll accounts really piss me off.

I suppose she must know what we were discussing as a group – with the back and forth, and sharing. She must know what people were wanting to know, and wanted to ask – some afraid to even speak, yet got out of their comfort spot to do so.

If the information came off as DomSplaining… then I do not know what I can say – since I am definitely not a Dom and I was the one that put the notes together. There were a few websites sited and their words used – to give our members some links that may be helpful in their Life and Journey with TPE.

I am a little pissed off – and that is alright.

It was a good meeting with a lot of good information. I do hope that people got what they needed from it.

Edit (2 days later) : You definitely can tell i was agitated when i wrote this.



Sexual orientation is something that is hard to describe for yourself especially in this day and age where there are so many choices. i fall under the umbrella of Pansexual and have for several years and many of the relationships that i have had would reflect this. i am attracted to people regardless of their gender, sex or presentation.

Let us start with the definition of Sexual Orientation:

Sexual Orientation – (noun) the type of sexual, romantic, emotional/spiritual attraction one feels for others, often labelled based on the gender relationship between the person and the people they are attracted to (often mistakenly referred to as sexual preference)

Sexual orientation is different from gender and gender identity — how you feel about and express your gender.

i have noticed that many people pick one and still do not really understand what or why they picked it.

 

Here is a quick list of some Terms with a definition to follow each:

i will leave a link to a great website for these and so many others as a reference if you have questions.

http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/2013/01/a-comprehensive-list-of-lgbtq-term-definitions/#sthash.4YcPQEqL.dpbs

Aromantic – (adj) is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others and/or a lack of interest in forming romantic relationships.

Asexual – (adj) having a lack of (or low level of) sexual attraction to others and/or a lack of interest or desire for sex or sexual partners.  Asexuality exists on a spectrum from people who experience no sexual attraction or have any desire for sex to those who experience low levels and only after significant amounts of time, many of these different places on the spectrum have their own identity labels.

Bicurious – (adj) a curiosity about having attraction to people of the same gender/sex (similar to questioning)

Bisexual – (adj) a person emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to male/men and females/women.  Other individuals may use this to indicate an attraction to individuals who identify outside of the gender binary as well and may use bisexual as a way to indicate an interest in more than one gender or sex (i.e. men and genderqueer people).

Demisexual – (noun) an individual who does not experience sexual attraction unless they have formed a strong emotional connection with another individual. Often within a romantic relationship.

Gay – (adj) (1) a term used to describe individuals who are primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to members of the same sex and/or gender.

Genderqueer – (adj) a gender identity label often used by people who do not identify with the binary of man/woman; or as an umbrella term for many gender non-conforming or non-binary identities (e.g., agender, bigender, genderfluid). Genderqueer people may think of themselves as one or more of the following, and they may define these terms differently: may combine aspects man and woman and other identities (bigender, pangender); not having a gender or identifying with a gender (genderless, agender); moving between genders (genderfluid); third gender or other-gendered; includes those who do not place a name to their gender having an overlap of, or blurred lines between, gender identity and sexual and romantic orientation.

Heterosexual – (adj) a person primarily emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to members of the opposite sex. Also known as straight.

Lesbian – (noun) a term used to describe women attracted romantically, erotically, and/or emotionally to other women.

Pansexual – (adj) a person who experiences sexual, romantic, physical, and/or spiritual attraction for members of all gender identities/expressions

Questioning (verb, adjective) – an individual who is unsure about or is exploring their own sexual orientation or gender identity.

Transsexual – (noun & adj) a person who identifies psychologically as a gender/sex other than the one to which they were assigned at birth. Transsexuals often wish to transform their bodies hormonally and surgically to match their inner sense of gender/sex.

Two-Spirit – (noun) is an umbrella term traditionally used by Native American people to recognize individuals who possess qualities or fulfill roles of both genders

 

As you can see, this is a small collection of terms that you will hear when you are out and about in the World. It can become confusing if you are unsure and that is alright.

 

 

 



{October 14, 2016}   Low.

i am wishing this wasn’t starting now, that it would go away for a while. Let me enjoy the month.

The start of a low has been happening for about a week, maybe two. One of the first hints is my forearm, it is starting to look like a war zone. i just want to scratch it off already. And the sleepless nights are starting to catch up with me.It seems 6am comes easily before i realize i need to sleep – even though my body is tired. i won’t even start to write what goes on in my head when this happens. Hell, it depresses me.

With the lack of sleep, comes other issues. The brain doesn’t want to remember Fuck All right now. People rattle off things and i can’t keep up. The simple Math game i play at the grocery store is not fun anymore – just a necessity to ensure i stay within budget.

i have been getting more clumsy too, not able to do a simple task at times. i am hitting the corners of things, or missing the fact a door is open.  The tics have decided this is a great time to pop up too…which doesn’t help with the anxiety. It is one of those things that i take a huge effort to avoid in public or at least dampen them.

The headaches are starting again, making it more difficult to even concentrate on work. Then it feels i have to make more effort to do my job which is detail oriented as it is. It becomes very exhausting.

i want to eat ALL the things OR not eat at all. When i do start, i wish the hell i didn’t. i can’t find a happy place with it. i have to eat to survive, so you get to a point of forcing it in. You force it in and instantly regret it.

Sometimes i feel suffocated, and then other days i feel so alone.

Sir has noticed, He always ask if there is anything He can do. i always say no, just be here. i just hope that i am there for Him enough.

Normally i wouldn’t be this detailed on what happens however i need to accept that this is me sometimes. Accepting me is likely the hardest thing i have to do in Life.

i am writing this to get it out there, to recognize what it is doing to me, to help me analyze it, knowing it won’t last – and at least realize i need to change things to make it better.



et cetera
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