Seldom Seen Way

{April 26, 2017}   Not my Circus, Not my Monkeys

Being the good Polish girl that i was brought up to be, this idiom rings true in my Life. Basically – If it’s not your monkey, and it’s not even from your circus, then it’s not your problem.

4-26-2017 6-16-41 PM

i won’t interfere or bother myself with trouble in a place i don’t belong to or have no authority — it’s someone else’s job to deal with this.

The problem i have is when another person assumes you took a side when you only acknowledged someone’s frustration concerning something. And we do this with all friends and acquaintances that we are connected with on some level.

The other problem i have is when said person decided to email in a hostile manner without giving much thought into how it would be received. There was no context to what or who it was pertaining to. It does not make it any better when they write using the fact Community Leaders need to be careful who they “support”.  Being somewhat threatening to where our “loyalties” seem to lie, in my opinion, is a very low place to go. This person did not have the right to do that and was very disrespectful. It would be like me going to her Sir and lecturing him on who he should or should not associate with.

The next reply after Sir wrote her was to apologize that the email might be taken hostile.  It then became an email under the guise of being helpful, however, at that point, the damage was already done.

i would think that being mindful of the written word especially in this circumstance would have been prudent. If i ever did that to anyone and Sir found out – my arse would be more than black and blue (and not in a fun way).

i am the one that had to deal with Sir after this interaction. It was not pretty at all. He kept thinking He did something wrong and went back to see if He wrote something that could be thought of taking a side. There was not. We as a couple, ensure that is the case especially when drama may pop up. We are just as confused as everyone else once it started to explode in front of us. All we had were questions and it definitely wasn’t the time to ask them.

Perception can be a bitch – I agree. In this case, the person was making an assumption on something without even asking where we might have stood on said topic. And sadly we had to guess what the person was referring to initially.

Apparently, it is fine that they are able to pick a side and declare it – yet it is not allowed to others even if you are a Leader in the community. Personally, i do not think they should have stepped in either. Let the people that are running the event, clean up their own shit. All this is doing is making the lines pretty clear where people stand.

As Sir has said before, we will be Switzerland. We do not know either parties side to the situation and likely never will.

We do not attend this event due to when it is scheduled – usually a work weekend for Sir.

It is unfortunate that this has become a Shit-Show for all of the Fetlife participants and for the Community at Large in the City to witness. We did not consent to this mess being splayed across our screens (actually “gagged” individuals on my feed because of this) and i do not think people should drag others into it – even if it is only an assumption.

This is also unfortunate to what is going and is happening to the BDSM/Kink community.

I do hope it improves or at least all Egos are put on the side for the sake of the community without splitting it even further than it is.

{February 27, 2017}   First Day of the Next Year.

This weekend was most likely the best celebration of my yearly event. There was nothing crazy and wild going, no birthday beatings or being spoiled with useless material items.

It was a weekend that made me smile and have tears at the end of it of happiness.

It started off at home at 9 am, when i told my oldest daughter that i would pick her up from the dealership as she was getting some recall work done on her truck. The only thing with that time is that i wasn’t done work until 2:30 am, and finally got home closer to 3. Knowing how i am and going to sleep it was closer to  5 am for me.

Anyway, i picked up Belle and brought her to the house. And i went to lay back down for a couple of more hours to feel better rested.  She took the time to continue cleaning out the bedroom that she had most of Life stored in since June (she just bought a house with her Partner just before Yule and still doing some reno’s)

She also decided to tidy up, put away the dishes that were in the dishwasher, clean up the coffee bar, and wash floors so that i could enjoy the time off without worrying about what i need to do when we get back. That was a great gift – to alleviate some of my anxiety and allow me to relax on that front.

Apparently, we didn’t get to leave as early as we wanted due to the dealership not calling to tell her they didn’t have the parts. We made it work, though, it meant shopping was a Sunday thing instead.

We drove into the City and got to Sir L and el’s place about 7 pm – giving us time to have a quick visit and a couple of drinks to start the evening. Sir had picked out my outfit for the most part and said sensible shoes (smart man LoL). He corseted me up (which is a favourite time with Him now that He is pretty proficient with it) and away we went.

Please note – this is what i can remember LoL – if i forget anything or anyone – i apolgize now as there was so much going on 🙂

Arriving at Subwoofer, the wonderful Miss J was at the door and greeted us as she appeared to be taking a break from Bootblacking. Taking our usual seats in the back corner, we noticed how quiet it was for the time…however, that changed quickly and people we recognized were wandering in. Snug and her partner sat with us until the rest of their crew showed up. It was good to sit and talk with those two.

All in all – It was an awesome night, as i was dreading a bit to going (only a few people know to the why), and had to tell myself to let things go and have fun.  And fun i had. i was talking to one person about corsets, and another on Life in general as a slave and our “pasts”. i got to watch Miss J black Sir’s boots which look awesome by the way. We had a great conversation with Miss J as that was happening (note to self to ensure we make time for Tea with Her when time permits). It was too bad we didn’t get to see Her girls.

A surprise visit from the other House as they wandered up to us. It was good to see Betty and her crew show up along with a couple of tag-a-longs.

i discovered a new shooter that i think is a new favourite – thanks to eius-socius, i now know what they are and love White Chinas. It was really good to be able to have one on one with her talking.

i got to see many yagger and white china shots that evening (thanks to all who contributed) and there was no complaining by me. There were several doubles of Green Apples to chase those down.

Sunday getting up hurt a touch – only because 11 am is -early- for me, other than that i was good. Breakfast was yummy, as el made french toast banana bread with a strawberry compote and chocolate syrup ❤

After cleaning up our room, showered, and say our goodbyes we went to the Mall. We wandered about as it has been close to a year since we have been. Sir bought me a new mug  (It is Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children) and a couple of shirts for Himself.

As it was getting late, we still needed to go to Betty’s House. Sir needed to help out with a virus thing on their laptop. It allowed a quick visit before we were on the road again.

The ride home was quiet and allowed us to contemplate the last couple of days…with random comments. You know that time when something you remembered and you just want to share little snippets – that is what i would call it.

Being at home and seeing our furry assholes signalled to me that i could relax and enjoy this vacation that started off great. To add to it, the other daughter came by too and did a couple of things (clean the fridge as one) to help out.

The bath was drawn with Epson salts to soak and then the jets came on, with bubble bath to agitate. It felt luxurious and Sir woke me from my small nap as i seemed to be taking awhile. It was then time for a hot tea and a bagel while we watched an episode of Bones before bed.

It was a weekend that i thanked Sir many times for – as He knows how i usually act the month or so and during my Birthday. i made an effort this year not to go into a low, and to enjoy what i have and who is in my Life.

i want to again to thank everyone that was there this weekend – you might not realize what you did, however just being there and taking time to share some of it with me – means more than i can tell you.

And you know what –  i am a blessed woman.

{February 9, 2017}   Loneliness

Jumbled thoughts – just trying to get out of the head – If it doesn’t make sense – that is alright – it makes sense to me.

Sometimes it would be nice to have “friends” and not just people you work with. To be able to have a social life here at home – just not wait till we go to the City either for MAsT or Subwoofer.

There is always Sir, and occasionally my children wander home… usually to wash their laundry and grab whatever food they see. I get a brief update on their lives.

When i see people or interact with (other than work), Sir is always with me. He gets to go to coffee munches if they are during the weeknights – i cannot. i feel left out and disconnected. And yes – i understand that i am jealous.

He gets to converse with a variety of people because of His job or people seek Him out there.

When i had young children i got out more and was more social than i do now. If i ever felt isolated it is more so as i am older and with my job.

i don’t have the luxury to go to anything that is planned in the evenings because i work – the other people we know are day walkers – i am not.

i know my interests are not the same as most women – or we just don’t know where to start a conversation.

Sir gets that intellect conversation via chat/emails from other women. It is something i actually crave.

What i get instead are messages from men that are directed by the head in their pants not the one on top of their shoulders. Men feel the need to flatter / objectify me believing that will get me to want to sleep with them or want to be their third. Or it will be the woman of the couple requesting the same thing. And when i try to direct the conversation to something other than sex, they disappear. NOT that i am against sex – i LOVE it – though i don’t want to start my first initial contact with you based solely on that. i love to know about the person.

i am thankful i have a Sir that does listen when i want to talk to Him – sometimes it takes a bit to form what i need to spit out. He speaks Dot very well LoL. There is more to this as the topic of poly came up. Right now i am not in a place to write about it. Perhaps in time or perhaps my brain will allow me to figure out things easier than it does.

Anyway, i really should finish my work that is on my desk…i do wish to go home and be with Sir. Hopefully He is feeling a touch better tonight.



{February 1, 2017}   Some Thoughts on Feminism…

“A feminist is a person who believes in the political, economic and social equality of the sexes. This is someone who will stand up when facing a misanthrope as much as when facing a misogynist. Speaking of misanthropy, that is the fancy word for hatred of men. Sometimes they wrongly self-label as feminists.”

Why does ‘feminist’ translate to ‘hate men’?!?!

Feminist is about wanting equality. It is sad when i see many people that yell from the mountain top that they are are a Feminist equates to becoming very Narcissistic. I find they make it all about them.

A good Master is an attentive Master. i still don’t understand why feminism and BDSM apparently cannot go together for some people.

i am a feminist.

Being submissive with Sir does not equal submissive in everything else in my Life, well at least not for me. The perceived loss of power is an imagined one.

i also wonder if it all just the thought that involves the man vs. woman power struggle. i am not only attracted to and engage with males; i have a love for humans in general no matter what you identify as.

When you do find someone whose desires match yours and you can work out what kinds of things you want to explore together – it becomes beautiful, scary and exciting all at the same time.

In saying all that,  i -choose- to give up my desire for ‘equality’ in a traditional sense, to -one- man, and serve Him as a slave so that He is my balance point by being the Dominant one in the relationship. Which becomes equality. For me.

He helps show me my true strengths, my true power as a woman and as a human being. In a very real sense, my submission helps me to become truly emancipated, to become a truly free person.

Furthermore, i don’t want anyone telling me how i am and/or not supposed to be a feminist or as a woman. We need to respect women’s rights to express themselves sexually, even if we find their choices troubling or do not understand their dynamic with their Partner. We should not judge them or try to protect them as if we are their concerned parents.

Ultimately feminists shouldn’t be afraid to enjoy sex in whichever form it comes in.


{November 22, 2016}   DomSplained

When a -note- of the combined conversations/discussions of a night of MAsT on Consideration and Training is responded to by an individual who is obviously not from the area, nor understand what MAsT does … ends with her commenting after some dribble “Many people don’t do consideration or training periods. I never did it with my master. He’s been doing this since you were about eleven years old and has never done that consideration or treating with any of his relationships.”

The last line is what did it to me: “Why is it that I feel like I’ve just been DomSplained?” – You wish to bitch slap them. Good for you – I am glad it worked out for you.

The reason I say this is – I tend to read the profiles of the commenters – when you say one thing and read or do another, you do not become credible. It is interesting when your profile states one thing, and you read through it and find something else entirely – you were not considered? you didn’t train? I call bullshit – wait – your profile tells me that. Sockpuppet/troll accounts really piss me off.

I suppose she must know what we were discussing as a group – with the back and forth, and sharing. She must know what people were wanting to know, and wanted to ask – some afraid to even speak, yet got out of their comfort spot to do so.

If the information came off as DomSplaining… then I do not know what I can say – since I am definitely not a Dom and I was the one that put the notes together. There were a few websites sited and their words used – to give our members some links that may be helpful in their Life and Journey with TPE.

I am a little pissed off – and that is alright.

It was a good meeting with a lot of good information. I do hope that people got what they needed from it.

Edit (2 days later) : You definitely can tell i was agitated when i wrote this.

{October 14, 2016}   Act of Engaging
***This is a post i started many moons ago.  It is just now that i am getting back to it – bits and pieces, here and there. ***

Yes, that word can get pretty messy sometimes.

i find it is the easiest way to deal with some individuals is not to engage them… as they do not get the hint, that the subject has been dropped. Basically – it is done – in my mind anyway. i am not going to waste any more time, and giving myself a headache.

i notice that with many friends of late, you can start engaging in a conversation, or situation that you know is going to blow up into something bigger than it should. And then you wonder…should i even continue.

For some people, it is like a fuel to the fire. They enjoy it in a sense… a slight high from it. You can actually see them getting off on it. The experience i have from this one was the ex-husband – it gave me a lot of practise to know how to deal with it – almost on a daily basis. You get really good at learning how to diffuse small fires before they become too big and consume everyone and everything around you.

i find these people like to monopolize time even when you are not with them. The time spent dealing with them… along with the time spent venting to your partner(s) or friends about them becoming an obsession sometimes with them. They steal your time and your energy – more than you even start to realize.

The one thing i love about being an introvert is that engaging with people is not something i seek out. i do not want to be the center of attention however, i do not want to be ignored entirely either. i will engage if i need to.

Not engaging in conversations that irk me or you can see the other person doing it for attention, pardon i will change that, doing it for validation makes me sad that a person has to do that to feel worthy.

Engaging with these type of people feels like you are going in a circular motion with no end coming. It does not matter what you say to them, it will never be enough, or it is too much and they end up taking something entirely something else from it. It appears to be always to be One extreme or another. They are never happy without having the Last Word – Whatever  and how that may be.

There is a subset of people i at times do want to engage with however their intelligence and emotional IQ being that it is low and/or get in the way of a good conversation, would in the end just frustrate me to get them to understand what i was willing to bring to the conversation.

When i talk about these people, i usually am referring to people who are religion / political zealots, and managers/supervisors whose heads are too big –  actually anyone that feels they have any amount of Power over you (and no, i am not talking about someone you submit to WILLINGLY.)

There are still moments that i open up my mouth when i know i should not – though it is rare these days. i instantly regret doing it, and attempt to back out before i make it worse for all parties. The ones that make it the hardest, are the persistent ones… they do not know enough to leave it be.

Sometimes words are not needed and Learning that pushing will not solve/make better a situation every time. You need to accept that. You are not always going to feel better when you do it. You are not always going to get the reaction that you are hoping.

Engaging is an Art at times. Just be prepared for the Outcome – whatever it may or not be.












{October 5, 2016}   Catch-up yet mildly short

i have a few starts to posts and then nothing comes to the fingers to write. i suppose those will have to wait a touch longer.

Last week, my son and his partner had a son – Caden is a sweetie. He looks a little like his father and his mamma. His head has lots of hair even a week later 🙂

i still cringe at the term Grandma and all the terms used in that context. It really is how others use the word, and not always implying a positive – if that makes sense. Then again, i dislike when words are used to make you sound old and withered.

i know i know – it is -just- a word however people still put a spin on it – usually unconsciously with the tone when spoken or written.

Anyway, enough of that nonsense.

My baby has come home from her move to another province. It worked well for her, unfortunately, her partner was not having the same luck. After close to 2 months, they decided to come back.  She got her old job back and picked up a second part-time job to help supplement, along with finding an apartment. For being only 20, i need to start giving her more credit…though at times we all do shake our heads at her.

The oldest and her partner are currently in the middle of house hunting. He is happy with a few of the choices, she is not – or at least not satisfied. This is getting close to a month, and we pray they agree on something soon. It would be great to have our home back to ourselves again.

There is more i am sure and more geared towards our kinky side of Life however again, it is a matter of my fingers and brain cooperating to get that done.


{August 17, 2016}   Private blog posting.

Earlier last night, i blogged a private post – one that i was not going to post at all.

Sir knows me a touch too well – and the way it was going – i was scared to have Him read it – His stress was quite evident when i picked Him up from work. i didn’t want to burden Him anymore than i needed to with my Stupid Brain.

He asked if all is good – as i was more quiet than usual – i honestly can’t remember how i responded… again He asked further down the road. i let Him know i did in fact blog – didn’t want to bother Him about it. He just told me it was His job to be “bothered” with it.

We got home, and i went to the bedroom to get ready for work…He read the post – He wandered back to the Bedroom – He held me.

From that moment, i knew it was good to tell Him – i didn’t need that hanging on my head all night into the next day. He did what He needed to reassure me…which i really needed at that moment.

Long story Short:

The most important thing i am to remember is – It is His main job to take care of me so that i can take care of everything else. He can’t help to make it better if i do not tell Him – and not to forget that.

“Yes, Sir!”

{August 14, 2016}   Coping. Reality. Reflection.

When you are supposed to be the Primary…Yet… always feel like you are the third. i could not think of what it was until i took that step back and saw everything happening as a third party.

i never thought i would be just an afterthought. It doesn’t help when you are told they are ready to sleep – then stop talking to you entirely – however they are still conversing with the other Partner. i can understand the phone call – the rest of the evening though – where i am left out…that becomes a norm. They get to talk to your primary more than you do.

At times i think i should be used to being off on the side – my parents do it, acquaintances (as i do not have many friends) my boss and work mates do, my brother does and my ex-hubby, and at times even my children – they know i am there if they need something – because i rarely say no.

So i sit here and think what i am useful for – giving advice to help better a person, emotional detachment seems to be easy when i am involved.

Giving and waiting to receive….what i am to receive i still do not know.

Usually i end up being the middle man…this time i am not – i am not sure how to grasp this idea – except in a manner that will not be so pleasant.

How can there be trust – When Instead You get a Lot of Pretty Words without any Action or Follow Through…sporadic at best. How can i emotional bond with a person when you are treated as the person that is on the side.

This is a pet peeve – There seems to be only bravery when there is liquid courage involved…i think this is one of those things that bother me the most. Because of my past – i will not argue nor really did converse when it is involved – especially one-sided – too many memories that didn’t end up well – usually for me. Your mind isn’t clear and is riddled with the crap that i really will not deal with – and that is usually most if not all your insecurities.

So Where do i go and pull myself up from when things go South…well we all have history of some kind – some more hidden than others. There are things that i do not need to share with others and if i do share it – you have to be a very special person. Trust does not come easily where that is concerned.

Growing up very quickly, being married before i graduated and having three children before i was 24 – made me have to think really hard about what i wanted to do with my Life. My mother always said you lay in the bed you make – and i sure made up a doosie.

Being sexually active at a young age and knowing that i was different than most children when it came to who i loved – made me an “odd” one for my parents. Don’t get me wrong – my parents are very accepting. Hell – they had a lot to accept when it came to me. Remember – i also had quirks too. They dealt with it all as best they could with what they understood at that time – the 70’s and 80’s were interesting years.

Now add the fact i got married and with children – i really do pity my ex-husband who had to deal with my mental illness and all that came with it – however i do also thank him to push me to get the help that i needed.

On a side note – some of my issues i deal with now sprung up or were brought out more by him. i tend not to talk about my issues with even friends, what i deal with daily or what even Sir has to deal with – we do not even mention it by name. If something does come up – we just mention some of the symptoms i deal with individually.

The work i had to do to get to where i am today though – was extensive. This has been going on since before my teen age years – and likely even before that.  And finding a person that is strong enough to deal with their own shit – let alone another person’s shit is really hard to do.  i am glad that i have – however finding two people like that seems to be a struggle. Also this is likely the first time i have or will publicly discuss my Mental Well-Being.

i tend to sit on things to ponder them – hoping they will get better – maybe i am not seeing it with an open mind, or maybe the hormones are raging and i need to step back a touch – because those are mature things to do as you evaluate the situation first. Then talk it out with someone you trust – get another perspective – cause you never know – you could be just not seeing clearly or you are part of the problem – and if you see something that is in fact true with what you are feeling – once you are not seeing Red and can clearly articulate – take it up with them. Seeing Red still happens quite a bit – i have just learned to deal with it in a more controlled manner.

i used to be NOT like that – impulsive is an understatement. Ask my ex about me throwing an office chair, apparently i have attempted to throw a few things – rarely do i remember though. i want to hit things – hard. i want to scream and have slammed my hand down with such force – it broke a table. i remember doing it at work a couple of times – and thankfully no one was in the room to witness it. Sir has seen the outbursts and i am amazed how cool He sits back and waits for an opening before interjecting some wise words…let me know all is good, relax/calm me down. i am easily frustrated and a very angry person in general.

Sir is sweet in how He deals with my “quirks” as He calls them. When i first started dating Him, He would notice how i would set up my shoes just outside His door. As to not make me so self-conscious, He started doing the same thing with His – otherwise i would straighten them out before i would even come into the house. It would bother me for hours and distract me from what was going on in front of me if they were not in place.

He also has noticed that the longer that we are together – how much i do not go anywhere without Him. i will wait/starve until i know He is available to be with me. People have gotten upset that this happens. Funny story – A friend of ours had the nerve to state that i was a big girl and would be alright by myself- at a wedding social that i knew NO ONE – to go help another friend do something for his Wife.  This “friend” has a partner that does not work because of their supposed “social anxiety” – perhaps being more understanding would have not made me more anxious of the situation. Please note – Sir did go with the Friends to do this – but not before He assured i was good with Him leaving and going to be alright – He found me a place to sit and something to distract till He would be back. The first thing He did when He got back into the room was beeline for me.


In my younger years (something that Sir didn’t have to deal extensively with) – i dealt with a few addictions – shopping, drinking, and especially sex. In my marriage, i could afford many things. My husband owned his own business and money was plenty. During my highs – i would buy shoes, dresses, clothes in general and the oddest thing magazines. And these things were not just for me – i also was buying for three children. And during my lows, i would use shopping to try to get that high again – instead it would make it worse.

Now add the drinking, along with a hubby that drank – you can imagine the brawls that happened. We did not drink “at home” – there were no bottles of wine, hard liquor in the cabinet – just the odd beer in the fridge. Our kids never saw us drinking – though they did see the effects the next day – some not very pretty. Weekend warriors – Every weekend. Because of this – i refuse to discuss/argue with anyone that has been drinking. Besides me seeing Red most of the time, and a husband that had anger problems – there are many things that i just leave out when i go to this subject…more times than not – i have no recollection of it – except when it initially started and the aftermath that i needed to tend to.  i found it was easier to black out these portions of my Life. To this day – i still keep it that way.

Ah – the addiction of sex – people don’t think this is a real problem. It can be – especially when you add in impulsiveness, anger, anxiety, and extremely low self-confidence. A person can make some very bad choices in this department – unsafe sex – not cool. i tend not to delve into this too much with anyone – let alone with myself these days. i just say i have done many things in my Life – some i enjoyed and some i have regretted. There are still things that Sir does not know and likely won’t because i want it to stay where it is – in the farthest corner of my mind. He is told what is needed to get through the play we do. If something comes up that is a NO GO – we discuss it – and explain the best i can do with it – and if i wish to push it. He knows when and how far He can go…sometimes getting creative of getting me past it – case in point – getting a woman to slap me in the fact – HARD – several times…and making sure my head was in a certain headspace to accept it. If Sir had done it – He would have found Himself dealing with Red – as in Black-out Red.

There is so much to write on just sex alone… and then the choices i made with sex along with alcohol were even more plentiful. Too many to actually list here… it doesn’t help that i am a huge hedonist – i have a hard time knowing when to stop.

To be honest, i have no idea why i went this route on this post – just some things that needed to be put out on the table. A person doesn’t need to be showing how fucked up they are – to be fucked up – Most people think i have my Shit together – and i do for the most part – though i have my moments that are not out for the world to see.

Being with me is not an easy task, i admit to this. What i find i need is a person who is taking charge of their Life, Independent, Strong personalities, Intelligent and Mature. This is what i need to be Happy with another Soul.

*** i will likely end up adding or deleting parts of this in the next week or so. i have too many things that i do not or even know i should mention.

{August 2, 2016}   Falling from grace…yet again

Ah – the Annual FFG camping weekend has come to a close. No huge epiphany – just that i enjoyed this year more so than the last couple and this sunburn is so worth it – along with the bruises creeping up on the skin underneath it. This will be a longer post – it was 4 glorious days of being with a community i love.

A Kink fest at its best and worse. It was a time to spend with kitten, Family and Friends. i think we got more bonding from our experience this year – even though our campsites were across the small pasture almost in a triangle. It was the idea of picking up that chair (or Einstein blankey in my case – love sitting on his face he he) and wander over – take the time to meet and greet – along with the camaraderie that exploded each time it occurred.

Every evening was set around the main fire, or a campsite – relaxing, enjoying the sight and sounds that were being emitted into the air. The atmosphere of debauchery was addicting to say the very least. You wanted to participate in something, anything, and you went to find it and take what you needed. It wasn’t a time to be anxious, afraid, shut in or shy away. It was a time to be liberated, have the confidence, enjoy the weekend for what it was and what it was willing to give to you.

There were mini beatings, chase downs, wrestling, sharing of drinks and foods, laughter and a couple of serious moments. There were tears, cackles, giggles, “bend over – show so and so your marks”, ”ow Motherfuckers”, and Thank You Sirs/Miss scattered throughout the day and evening.

Last year, we didn’t play in the dungeon – just in our camp/tent and it didn’t really satisfy the needy pain slut that i am. Sir fixed that problem this year – He reassured me it was going to happen one way or another. I got an awesome beating, more humiliation play than He usually does in public, broke one of Sir’s tools which He then decided needed to be planted in my ass as a flag pole till He was done. A quick pass out with a cunt punching to revive me. Yep – happy fucking slut i am. Sir did hurt Himself – He fell backwards off the stage – though i didn’t realize it as much as others – yet He finished our scene and got His feet nursed. Me thinks He loved that part a touch LoL – It looked like He twisted His ankle, and a small cut on the other.

i met “bubba” a beautiful tool (police baton) that weekend – Miss J’s tool that She let Sir borrow and She also applied to my ass. The thud of that thing was most wonderful.

i have bruises on my ass, the inside of the crack of my ass, the backside of the thighs, the upper arms, shoulders, the back, and sore on my jaws.

i got to be used from several of the family and honorary family, slapped, hugged, poked and prodded from friends, and used as a demo bottom for a predicament piercing workshop (fucking loved this).

Sure there were some things that made me turtle a touch – that is expected at events like this – my kink is not always your kink. Accept it and move on or deal with it. You are responsible for yourself foremost. i was reminded of this from Miss J – take ownership of your feelings, your health – because you cannot be of service to others if you cannot be of service to yourself.

There were body play/primal workshops – our presenter was going through all the body parts and what could be done with it. It was an interactive workshop. Knowing the body had a stomach/ribs/face – i learned to sit there, turn away my head, refocus on something else till it was done. Open hand slaps i can get through, closed fists not so much. i was proud of how i dealt with it. Last year, i couldn’t deal with a take down happening in our camp area- and ensured i was somewhere else and chose to read/colour till it was safe for me to join our little world again.

There was a breast bondage/torture chain gang happening – Kitten wanted her partners there as she was participating, i had to decline. It is not something i can watch/listen to. Knowing your limitations is a big thing – taking the responsibility to deal with it is mine alone. Instead Sir put me in Miss J’s care while He went to be with Kitten.

It was nice to have that one on one time with Miss J – She is a woman i respect and look up to. She asks really good questions as she wants to know the whats/whys – and makes you think as you answer. She is a logical one – it is one of those things i respect highly. At one point, She coached me to follow Her to Her campsite (as if i really had a choice) allowed me to put my blanket down and face away from the action. She talked through it, giggled a touch, introduced her girls and explained the dynamic at Her tent. She trains other Tops – two of Her girls were there – one celebrating 1 year of Service to Her.

Eventually Sir and kitten came over, as did everyone else in our little “family” – we sat around in the shade (being it was the shadiest campsite at that time). We watched a scene of another campsite – a cute little bratty kitten getting punished. At one point, her owner put his toy on her back and wandered away. She didn’t realize we were watching and threw it on the ground. We called her out..she put it back and tried to shush us – well you can imagine how that went over…he he. Her ass is some lovely shades of purple, black and blue – with hints of yellow now.

The piercing was a great experience. i was one of the demo bottoms that Sunday evening – the last workshop of the weekend. Sir Chat pierced just under my breasts, and thread a string through – used to pull, twist, attach to the piercing on my thigh. The feeling of it when He had me lay back – show what you can do – and when He was done – pulled me straight up off my back in a sitting position from the breast. It actually made me love needles/piercing even more. The lovely bruise left over is a awesome reminder of it.

At nights, we shared our tent with kitten – enjoying the time we were able to get. The time to snuggle, stroke, make love, giggle, have fun and just enjoy each other’s company. Not dwelling on the what ifs, could haves and wish i did… and enjoying the things that in fact did happen.

Once in awhile Sir allows me to switch with Him – as He does enjoy it on occasion. i took the opportunity when it arose this weekend and went with it. Fuck, i love when He struggles, and fights yet wants to have “all the things”. Teasing and encouraging is something i am really good at. i love using my body to hold Him down – a little unorthodox with some of the moves – however it works.Kitten wasn’t sure what to do or what the fuck was going on initially – he he – though she got right in there when it finally clicked. After warning her that Sir is a fighter – be prepared – she learned a few things about herself me thinks.

The fireside chat is as always a highlight Saturday evening hosted this year by a Friend of ours – a bunch of people around fire, talking about kink in general – bouncing thoughts/ideas/questioning each other – learning things about yourself, your neighbours and getting you to see all the different views there are.

One of our favourite friends (Handler/pony couple) were in full gear and giving cart rides. Glue looked fabulous in his gear. They did a workshop during one of the afternoons, making bits and showing how their dynamic works. There was a point where two ponies were pulling that cart. In a sense, i have missed that – in another – not so much – not as young as i used to be.

The heat on Saturday was yucky – i don’t think i ever saw a campsite nearly shut down as much as it did. Our bodies tired and drained – finding inventive ways to cool off. The truck pool was an awesome idea, pails of water with sponges, a hose down, a swim in the creek – you get the idea.

That afternoon was very hot – Sir took me to get me into a wet t-shirt – the hose spray was cold and nice. i didn’t realize it was just before cocktail hour as they were setting up…and He took full advantage of this. Hands behind the head trying to get away – soaked inside and out. Being told NOT to move away. i didn’t panic as much as i thought i would when He would spray close to my face. Splashes of water lightly tickling me…instead i focused knowing Sir wouldn’t do it yet get close enough to see if He could get more and more. Having water in my face is one of those things that is a hard limit, and i am honestly working on. i am proud i didn’t freak out – went with it – trusting Him as i should. It was a fun moment – and i didn’t let it get in the way.

After this – we wandered back to the campsite – with the need to towel snap me along the way. i thought i would take advantage of a limping Sir – NOT so much – Sir L was coming up the other way to pounce if i decided to bolt in Her direction LoL – Sir had back-up – She may be this tiny little person – though i am scared she would take me down very quickly…Sir finally caught up with me after we basically went into circles for a few laps. He grabbed my collar and dragged me along to the tent – got a few more hits for being bratty enjoying the adrenaline rush it just gave us. It was fun to be silly and not have a care.

Thankfully we live about 10 minutes from the campsite – hot showers, hot good coffee and a nap one morning helped us get through that weekend. Kitten got to finally see where we lived, and saw/played with the fur-babies – see the wall of books, and just generally how we live. It was nice to share that part with her. At one point, she gave me a present – a handwritten letter and an unicorn sticker (i collect all things unicorn). It was a sweet gesture – especially taking the time to hand write a letter. That probably meant more than the actual words written.

Another highlight of the weekend was the oil wrestling. We have a friend who is a little bitty person – take on a bigger competitor. They did a wonderful job of actually taking it into over-time to the surprise of everyone. We all hooted and hollered for them – the underdog – who nearly did win the match. One of the better matches that happened in my humble opinion. The best line ever was “let go, or I will smother you.” It was a lesson of Never underestimate someone because of their size.

This post is getting longer and longer by the minute – there were so many things that went on and i don’t seem to be able to fit it all in this post. Reliving everything makes me happy and a touch sad that it is done – for another year.

i think i grew a touch in what i am able to handle or at least figure out how to deal with it. i used my voice when i needed, got to be silly and carefree, enjoy some Top moments not just with the moment with Sir, and met some new people…by putting myself in situations to do so.

We were all there to be authentic to ourselves, to enjoy who we are, what we do, and how we do it even if it was different from another. It gave us ideas for the next time we play, and the next time we encounter situations that could be similar.

Falling from grace again and again – Fucking awesome time – every year.

Thank you to the Organizers, the Production crew and especially the Hosts that was a part of this in whatever form it might have been. i am happy that i know these people and they are in our Lives. ❤









et cetera
Beautifully Broken Submissive

Writings about my life as a wife, a submissive, a Pagan, a mother, a daughter, a lover, a student, an educator, a fighter and a peacemaker. Blessed be ⭐❤⭐

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