Seldom Seen Way











{June 11, 2017}   Productive days…

Sometimes the “high” just comes one day and i attempt to get all of the things done, while i have the energy to do it.

This is Day 2.5 and i am feeling good about what i have been accomplishing. Do you notice it is always those “little” things that make you sit back and smile?

Last night we were at a small get together we set up because we are stuck here instead of going to the City. Work made sure of that for both us, Sir works today, and i am on call for the weekend. It was good to catch up with people we haven’t seen for a while and just have a night to relax and good conversation.

It was a bonus that we went somewhere that was stumbling distance from home. It was nice to walk to and from the place. It helped slow me down a touch.

Oh, i am excited – i have finally hung up Einstein. I thought to tell Sir because well it has been bugging me for a while.

The conversation went like this:

me: okay – I have been attempting to hang Einstein… I think I did it… I pray it doesn’t fall down LoL

Sir:  OK I had to read that twice….. I thought you were talking about the cat. jesus.

me: ummm Love… i am not that barbaric

By the way, just to make this clear – this is the Einstein i am referring to:

einstein.jpg

If you knew how much i loved Einstein, you would understand why this is a good thing 🙂

i wandered outside in the yard today, because it is absolutely beautiful out there. i had charged up the weed wacker the other day in prep for some “wacking of the weeds”. The stairs to the decks, and fence are free of tall grass blades, thistles (ow), and whatever else was popping out of the ground.

The desk i sit at is finally clear of the stacked books (both sides). They have been catalogued, sorted, and put away. There is a box of doubles, triples and “meh” i don’t need/want these started. There are still a couple or four boxes to get through yet. It does mean we require a bookcase or two to home them…however i don’t think that is all that bad.

The chaos that was the desk is now clear. This was one of those things that needed to be tackled sooner than later. It has lighten my brain more than anything else.

 

The Desk:

IMG_20170611_154418

 

This is just a small sampling of what i have been doing to occupy my brain to help it relax. Unfortunately, reading and even writing is hard to do right now, as my brain is going in full throttle at the moment. i have backspaced so many times… (click, click, click) it is giving me a headache attempting to write coherently. When i am like this i need to document something so I know when i am in the “zone”.

Well, i hear that the microwave of dinged! and the chicken breasts are likely thawed. i should go and figure out what supper will consist of.

Talk to you later!

 

dot.



{May 4, 2017}   Topics.


{May 3, 2017}   Draft topics/titles:

Touch ago, i wrote that i have several drafts just waiting to be written – some of them have been sitting there for nearly a year. Some you can tell what they are obviously about, and there a few that the title is vague. All that really matters at this point is that i know what they concern. Many of them will not go beyond what you see now.

Fascinated by this and how it works: Herd mentality, or mob mentality, describes how people are influenced by their peers to adopt certain behaviours. A group of 3 or more persons, who act with a negative group conscience to show strength in numbers.

The secrets that are entrusted to you and not bring them up so as to not hurt people you know. What it does to you and hope that you can trust others with your information. I found this apparently is not the case.

People tend to forget what you have done for them when they were in distress – and how it may affect the person/people dealing with their issues with them.

People are not always what they seem. Don’t judge a book by its cover.

What is a Master (to me)?

Insecurity, Character and how they align.

Accepting an apology the first time and letting it go.

Oddball. I feel like the one that doesn’t belong.

Being appreciated.

Owning your shit, and not take on other’s shit as your own to not deal with yours.

Great Weekend Getaway

The Instant Gratification Age

Romance comes in different ways.

A secret love affair…

Still Buzzing.



{April 26, 2017}   Not my Circus, Not my Monkeys

Being the good Polish girl that i was brought up to be, this idiom rings true in my Life. Basically – If it’s not your monkey, and it’s not even from your circus, then it’s not your problem.

4-26-2017 6-16-41 PM

i won’t interfere or bother myself with trouble in a place i don’t belong to or have no authority — it’s someone else’s job to deal with this.

The problem i have is when another person assumes you took a side when you only acknowledged someone’s frustration concerning something. And we do this with all friends and acquaintances that we are connected with on some level.

The other problem i have is when said person decided to email in a hostile manner without giving much thought into how it would be received. There was no context to what or who it was pertaining to. It does not make it any better when they write using the fact Community Leaders need to be careful who they “support”.  Being somewhat threatening to where our “loyalties” seem to lie, in my opinion, is a very low place to go. This person did not have the right to do that and was very disrespectful. It would be like me going to her Sir and lecturing him on who he should or should not associate with.

The next reply after Sir wrote her was to apologize that the email might be taken hostile.  It then became an email under the guise of being helpful, however, at that point, the damage was already done.

i would think that being mindful of the written word especially in this circumstance would have been prudent. If i ever did that to anyone and Sir found out – my arse would be more than black and blue (and not in a fun way).

i am the one that had to deal with Sir after this interaction. It was not pretty at all. He kept thinking He did something wrong and went back to see if He wrote something that could be thought of taking a side. There was not. We as a couple, ensure that is the case especially when drama may pop up. We are just as confused as everyone else once it started to explode in front of us. All we had were questions and it definitely wasn’t the time to ask them.

Perception can be a bitch – I agree. In this case, the person was making an assumption on something without even asking where we might have stood on said topic. And sadly we had to guess what the person was referring to initially.

Apparently, it is fine that they are able to pick a side and declare it – yet it is not allowed to others even if you are a Leader in the community. Personally, i do not think they should have stepped in either. Let the people that are running the event, clean up their own shit. All this is doing is making the lines pretty clear where people stand.

As Sir has said before, we will be Switzerland. We do not know either parties side to the situation and likely never will.

We do not attend this event due to when it is scheduled – usually a work weekend for Sir.

It is unfortunate that this has become a Shit-Show for all of the Fetlife participants and for the Community at Large in the City to witness. We did not consent to this mess being splayed across our screens (actually “gagged” individuals on my feed because of this) and i do not think people should drag others into it – even if it is only an assumption.

This is also unfortunate to what is going and is happening to the BDSM/Kink community.

I do hope it improves or at least all Egos are put on the side for the sake of the community without splitting it even further than it is.



{February 27, 2017}   First Day of the Next Year.

This weekend was most likely the best celebration of my yearly event. There was nothing crazy and wild going, no birthday beatings or being spoiled with useless material items.

It was a weekend that made me smile and have tears at the end of it of happiness.

It started off at home at 9 am, when i told my oldest daughter that i would pick her up from the dealership as she was getting some recall work done on her truck. The only thing with that time is that i wasn’t done work until 2:30 am, and finally got home closer to 3. Knowing how i am and going to sleep it was closer to  5 am for me.

Anyway, i picked up Belle and brought her to the house. And i went to lay back down for a couple of more hours to feel better rested.  She took the time to continue cleaning out the bedroom that she had most of Life stored in since June (she just bought a house with her Partner just before Yule and still doing some reno’s)

She also decided to tidy up, put away the dishes that were in the dishwasher, clean up the coffee bar, and wash floors so that i could enjoy the time off without worrying about what i need to do when we get back. That was a great gift – to alleviate some of my anxiety and allow me to relax on that front.

Apparently, we didn’t get to leave as early as we wanted due to the dealership not calling to tell her they didn’t have the parts. We made it work, though, it meant shopping was a Sunday thing instead.

We drove into the City and got to Sir L and el’s place about 7 pm – giving us time to have a quick visit and a couple of drinks to start the evening. Sir had picked out my outfit for the most part and said sensible shoes (smart man LoL). He corseted me up (which is a favourite time with Him now that He is pretty proficient with it) and away we went.

Please note – this is what i can remember LoL – if i forget anything or anyone – i apolgize now as there was so much going on 🙂

Arriving at Subwoofer, the wonderful Miss J was at the door and greeted us as she appeared to be taking a break from Bootblacking. Taking our usual seats in the back corner, we noticed how quiet it was for the time…however, that changed quickly and people we recognized were wandering in. Snug and her partner sat with us until the rest of their crew showed up. It was good to sit and talk with those two.

All in all – It was an awesome night, as i was dreading a bit to going (only a few people know to the why), and had to tell myself to let things go and have fun.  And fun i had. i was talking to one person about corsets, and another on Life in general as a slave and our “pasts”. i got to watch Miss J black Sir’s boots which look awesome by the way. We had a great conversation with Miss J as that was happening (note to self to ensure we make time for Tea with Her when time permits). It was too bad we didn’t get to see Her girls.

A surprise visit from the other House as they wandered up to us. It was good to see Betty and her crew show up along with a couple of tag-a-longs.

i discovered a new shooter that i think is a new favourite – thanks to eius-socius, i now know what they are and love White Chinas. It was really good to be able to have one on one with her talking.

i got to see many yagger and white china shots that evening (thanks to all who contributed) and there was no complaining by me. There were several doubles of Green Apples to chase those down.

Sunday getting up hurt a touch – only because 11 am is -early- for me, other than that i was good. Breakfast was yummy, as el made french toast banana bread with a strawberry compote and chocolate syrup ❤

After cleaning up our room, showered, and say our goodbyes we went to the Mall. We wandered about as it has been close to a year since we have been. Sir bought me a new mug  (It is Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children) and a couple of shirts for Himself.

As it was getting late, we still needed to go to Betty’s House. Sir needed to help out with a virus thing on their laptop. It allowed a quick visit before we were on the road again.

The ride home was quiet and allowed us to contemplate the last couple of days…with random comments. You know that time when something you remembered and you just want to share little snippets – that is what i would call it.

Being at home and seeing our furry assholes signalled to me that i could relax and enjoy this vacation that started off great. To add to it, the other daughter came by too and did a couple of things (clean the fridge as one) to help out.

The bath was drawn with Epson salts to soak and then the jets came on, with bubble bath to agitate. It felt luxurious and Sir woke me from my small nap as i seemed to be taking awhile. It was then time for a hot tea and a bagel while we watched an episode of Bones before bed.

It was a weekend that i thanked Sir many times for – as He knows how i usually act the month or so and during my Birthday. i made an effort this year not to go into a low, and to enjoy what i have and who is in my Life.

i want to again to thank everyone that was there this weekend – you might not realize what you did, however just being there and taking time to share some of it with me – means more than i can tell you.

And you know what –  i am a blessed woman.



{February 9, 2017}   Loneliness

Jumbled thoughts – just trying to get out of the head – If it doesn’t make sense – that is alright – it makes sense to me.

Sometimes it would be nice to have “friends” and not just people you work with. To be able to have a social life here at home – just not wait till we go to the City either for MAsT or Subwoofer.

There is always Sir, and occasionally my children wander home… usually to wash their laundry and grab whatever food they see. I get a brief update on their lives.

When i see people or interact with (other than work), Sir is always with me. He gets to go to coffee munches if they are during the weeknights – i cannot. i feel left out and disconnected. And yes – i understand that i am jealous.

He gets to converse with a variety of people because of His job or people seek Him out there.

When i had young children i got out more and was more social than i do now. If i ever felt isolated it is more so as i am older and with my job.

i don’t have the luxury to go to anything that is planned in the evenings because i work – the other people we know are day walkers – i am not.

i know my interests are not the same as most women – or we just don’t know where to start a conversation.

Sir gets that intellect conversation via chat/emails from other women. It is something i actually crave.

What i get instead are messages from men that are directed by the head in their pants not the one on top of their shoulders. Men feel the need to flatter / objectify me believing that will get me to want to sleep with them or want to be their third. Or it will be the woman of the couple requesting the same thing. And when i try to direct the conversation to something other than sex, they disappear. NOT that i am against sex – i LOVE it – though i don’t want to start my first initial contact with you based solely on that. i love to know about the person.

i am thankful i have a Sir that does listen when i want to talk to Him – sometimes it takes a bit to form what i need to spit out. He speaks Dot very well LoL. There is more to this as the topic of poly came up. Right now i am not in a place to write about it. Perhaps in time or perhaps my brain will allow me to figure out things easier than it does.

Anyway, i really should finish my work that is on my desk…i do wish to go home and be with Sir. Hopefully He is feeling a touch better tonight.

 

 



{February 1, 2017}   Some Thoughts on Feminism…

“A feminist is a person who believes in the political, economic and social equality of the sexes. This is someone who will stand up when facing a misanthrope as much as when facing a misogynist. Speaking of misanthropy, that is the fancy word for hatred of men. Sometimes they wrongly self-label as feminists.”

Why does ‘feminist’ translate to ‘hate men’?!?!

Feminist is about wanting equality. It is sad when i see many people that yell from the mountain top that they are are a Feminist equates to becoming very Narcissistic. I find they make it all about them.

A good Master is an attentive Master. i still don’t understand why feminism and BDSM apparently cannot go together for some people.

i am a feminist.

Being submissive with Sir does not equal submissive in everything else in my Life, well at least not for me. The perceived loss of power is an imagined one.

i also wonder if it all just the thought that involves the man vs. woman power struggle. i am not only attracted to and engage with males; i have a love for humans in general no matter what you identify as.

When you do find someone whose desires match yours and you can work out what kinds of things you want to explore together – it becomes beautiful, scary and exciting all at the same time.

In saying all that,  i -choose- to give up my desire for ‘equality’ in a traditional sense, to -one- man, and serve Him as a slave so that He is my balance point by being the Dominant one in the relationship. Which becomes equality. For me.

He helps show me my true strengths, my true power as a woman and as a human being. In a very real sense, my submission helps me to become truly emancipated, to become a truly free person.

Furthermore, i don’t want anyone telling me how i am and/or not supposed to be a feminist or as a woman. We need to respect women’s rights to express themselves sexually, even if we find their choices troubling or do not understand their dynamic with their Partner. We should not judge them or try to protect them as if we are their concerned parents.

Ultimately feminists shouldn’t be afraid to enjoy sex in whichever form it comes in.

 



{November 22, 2016}   DomSplained

When a -note- of the combined conversations/discussions of a night of MAsT on Consideration and Training is responded to by an individual who is obviously not from the area, nor understand what MAsT does … ends with her commenting after some dribble “Many people don’t do consideration or training periods. I never did it with my master. He’s been doing this since you were about eleven years old and has never done that consideration or treating with any of his relationships.”

The last line is what did it to me: “Why is it that I feel like I’ve just been DomSplained?” – You wish to bitch slap them. Good for you – I am glad it worked out for you.

The reason I say this is – I tend to read the profiles of the commenters – when you say one thing and read or do another, you do not become credible. It is interesting when your profile states one thing, and you read through it and find something else entirely – you were not considered? you didn’t train? I call bullshit – wait – your profile tells me that. Sockpuppet/troll accounts really piss me off.

I suppose she must know what we were discussing as a group – with the back and forth, and sharing. She must know what people were wanting to know, and wanted to ask – some afraid to even speak, yet got out of their comfort spot to do so.

If the information came off as DomSplaining… then I do not know what I can say – since I am definitely not a Dom and I was the one that put the notes together. There were a few websites sited and their words used – to give our members some links that may be helpful in their Life and Journey with TPE.

I am a little pissed off – and that is alright.

It was a good meeting with a lot of good information. I do hope that people got what they needed from it.

Edit (2 days later) : You definitely can tell i was agitated when i wrote this.



{October 14, 2016}   Act of Engaging
***This is a post i started many moons ago.  It is just now that i am getting back to it – bits and pieces, here and there. ***

Yes, that word can get pretty messy sometimes.

i find it is the easiest way to deal with some individuals is not to engage them… as they do not get the hint, that the subject has been dropped. Basically – it is done – in my mind anyway. i am not going to waste any more time, and giving myself a headache.

i notice that with many friends of late, you can start engaging in a conversation, or situation that you know is going to blow up into something bigger than it should. And then you wonder…should i even continue.

For some people, it is like a fuel to the fire. They enjoy it in a sense… a slight high from it. You can actually see them getting off on it. The experience i have from this one was the ex-husband – it gave me a lot of practise to know how to deal with it – almost on a daily basis. You get really good at learning how to diffuse small fires before they become too big and consume everyone and everything around you.

i find these people like to monopolize time even when you are not with them. The time spent dealing with them… along with the time spent venting to your partner(s) or friends about them becoming an obsession sometimes with them. They steal your time and your energy – more than you even start to realize.

The one thing i love about being an introvert is that engaging with people is not something i seek out. i do not want to be the center of attention however, i do not want to be ignored entirely either. i will engage if i need to.

Not engaging in conversations that irk me or you can see the other person doing it for attention, pardon i will change that, doing it for validation makes me sad that a person has to do that to feel worthy.

Engaging with these type of people feels like you are going in a circular motion with no end coming. It does not matter what you say to them, it will never be enough, or it is too much and they end up taking something entirely something else from it. It appears to be always to be One extreme or another. They are never happy without having the Last Word – Whatever  and how that may be.

There is a subset of people i at times do want to engage with however their intelligence and emotional IQ being that it is low and/or get in the way of a good conversation, would in the end just frustrate me to get them to understand what i was willing to bring to the conversation.

When i talk about these people, i usually am referring to people who are religion / political zealots, and managers/supervisors whose heads are too big –  actually anyone that feels they have any amount of Power over you (and no, i am not talking about someone you submit to WILLINGLY.)

There are still moments that i open up my mouth when i know i should not – though it is rare these days. i instantly regret doing it, and attempt to back out before i make it worse for all parties. The ones that make it the hardest, are the persistent ones… they do not know enough to leave it be.

Sometimes words are not needed and Learning that pushing will not solve/make better a situation every time. You need to accept that. You are not always going to feel better when you do it. You are not always going to get the reaction that you are hoping.

Engaging is an Art at times. Just be prepared for the Outcome – whatever it may or not be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



{October 5, 2016}   Catch-up yet mildly short

i have a few starts to posts and then nothing comes to the fingers to write. i suppose those will have to wait a touch longer.

Last week, my son and his partner had a son – Caden is a sweetie. He looks a little like his father and his mamma. His head has lots of hair even a week later 🙂

i still cringe at the term Grandma and all the terms used in that context. It really is how others use the word, and not always implying a positive – if that makes sense. Then again, i dislike when words are used to make you sound old and withered.

i know i know – it is -just- a word however people still put a spin on it – usually unconsciously with the tone when spoken or written.

Anyway, enough of that nonsense.

My baby has come home from her move to another province. It worked well for her, unfortunately, her partner was not having the same luck. After close to 2 months, they decided to come back.  She got her old job back and picked up a second part-time job to help supplement, along with finding an apartment. For being only 20, i need to start giving her more credit…though at times we all do shake our heads at her.

The oldest and her partner are currently in the middle of house hunting. He is happy with a few of the choices, she is not – or at least not satisfied. This is getting close to a month, and we pray they agree on something soon. It would be great to have our home back to ourselves again.

There is more i am sure and more geared towards our kinky side of Life however again, it is a matter of my fingers and brain cooperating to get that done.

 



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