Seldom Seen Way











{April 5, 2017}   Theme of my Work Life

You can’t know what you don’t know. 

You can’t know about things you have yet been privy too.

Working evenings suck – information wise. We are left in the dark and hope for some light. We are the forgotten People.

People, i find, do not like to share information that will allow you to do your job especially if they are a peer. The idea that you might feel irrelevant if you share information needs to stop.

Every day there is something that i have not been tagged on in an email or was not at a meeting (due to the hours of my shift) which a little information would have came in handy a little later in the evening.

A brief overview or a tag on an email is all i ask. i am sure i can figure it out from there. i am pretty good at that if i have a hint to work with.

The most i can do when i come in is to ask “is there anything i need to know?” “What happened today” or “I checked my email from home, though it seemed quiet, should i know anything for tonight”.

If those don’t spark conversation – i am not any more knowledgeable than when i came on shift.

Talk to my manager and tell him it would be great to know these things… He agrees and suggest asking… LoL – which i laugh to – and Ask “WHAT AM I ASKING ABOUT IF I DO NOT KNOW ABOUT IN THE FIRST PLACE”.

I remind him every time – I can’t know what i don’t know. He seemed to get the hint – now to get a couple of others on board. i really don’t mind leaving them extra work because i wasn’t told about it…not at this point anyway.

So, back to my paperwork that is piling up. As it took me an hour to figure something out via 4 different people, and a forwarded email from one of them who noticed i wasn’t on it. The kicker – i am the OP Lead for it… i really hate looking stupid on something that could have easily been remedied by one email. This was not a good night to waste an hour.

Nights.

dot.

 

 

 



{March 7, 2017}   Blizzard… still in effect.

As you can see from this lovely little map – everything that is red – is closed. i am sitting at work “preparing” for tomorrow and then attempt the slow drive home. It took just over an hour last night – when it is normally an 11-minute drive.

Sir is not happy that i am here – and really i am not either. i got the email after the fact that i could stay home. i said fuck it – do what i can to help – and then get back to the house.

Talk to you all later and perhaps it will be a touch warmer though this is supposed to go on for another day.

3-7-2017 8-32-27 PM



Yep – that time again – Mother Nature is really drunk.

It is raining, snowing, with thunder, lightning, and it is windy.

i am sitting at work – it is my first day back from my vacation – to play cleanup and keep everyone abreast of the highway conditions and how it will affect us.

Right now – our little city is being surrounded by road closures.

This is our “Blizzard Warning” even though we are currently in the middle of it:

A powerful winter storm has brought blizzard conditions to extreme western Manitoba as of mid-afternoon, and blizzard conditions are expected to move eastward into the remainder of western Manitoba this evening. Heavy freezing rain showers or even thunderstorms occurred in southwestern Manitoba this afternoon, and this remains a possibility in some areas early this evening.

This wide variety of weather is courtesy of an intense low pressure system currently located in North Dakota moving northwards towards southern Manitoba. This storm is bringing northwest winds of 50-70 km/h with gusts as high as 90 km/h along with heavy snow resulting in blizzard conditions to areas near the Saskatchewan border as of mid-afternoon, and these blizzard conditions will spread eastward this evening. The blizzard is expected to continue throughout the day Tuesday before tapering off Tuesday evening.

Snowfall total will be significant with this system, ranging from 10 cm near the international border, 20-30 cm in the Parklands and evening higher amounts in northern Manitoba where up to 60 cm is forecast.

Winds will be a bit lighter in the Swan River – Grand Rapids area and a winter storm warning is in effect there. Significant snow is likely in both these communities with 20-35 cm accumulation by Tuesday evening.

At the moment it appears that Winnipeg, the Red River Valley and points east will escape the brunt of this storm, and no weather warnings are currently in effect. However, strong winds gusting to 80 km/h, snow and blowing snow are expected to develop overnight tonight and persist on Tuesday.

This is a major storm system. Highway closures and power outages are likely. The public is advised to postpone travel in western Manitoba, eastern Saskatchewan and northern Manitoba until the storm passes.

Meteorologists are closely monitoring the path of this system and will issued further warnings if necessary.

###

Travel is expected to be extremely hazardous due to reduced visibility. Road closures are possible.

Quiet night here at work it will be. There will be a documentary or three playing in the background and i will have time to audit and upload CHEP pallets for the last 2 weeks. This will also have me cleaning up the China annex backlog that seemed to happen once i went on vacation (2 days in).

i made sure that Sir had candles, food, and water before i left for work. He made sure His tablet and phone had been charged up in case there was a power failure. We have been lucky as we know some smaller towns surrounding us (and country folks) have lost theirs or it has been flickering.

Anyway it is time to get to work and get things done here.

Stay warm A/all. 😀

Dot.



{October 20, 2016}   Icky.

Yep, that is the word i will use for it.

Absolutely icky.

The throat is so scratchy that it feels like i have a scouring pad jammed in it trying to get out.

Getting sick is not something i have time for and i will try my best to avoid it as much as possible. Hopefully the next day or two, i can ward it off with tea, sleep and non-verbal talking.

Here is wishing me Luck.

 



{July 20, 2016}   Outlet…

i need to find an outlet for this pent up energy…especially when i am frustrated from Life. It gets so bad that by the time i was able to finally leave the office it was 40 minutes later. i walked out feeling the tears well up in my eyes…teasing them…trying to roll down my cheek. Wanting so badly to punch something…anything… Hell even throw heavy things.

Noting that it is 2am and finding something to fill that void…you can see my challenge. Oh and the fact that Sir’s alarm will be going off in just a little over 5 hours.

Today will yet be another busy one. i will take Sir to work…come home and get ready to travel to where i kinda grewup.A friend that i have known since i was 4 is visiting her parents for the week. TC comes to MB once a year. This is the only day i can make it work. So i will be driving 30 minutes there to visit for about an hour and a half to race back for 3ish.

This is the day that Sir also booked our hair appointments after His work and before i work. It will be a full day of bustling my arse…i hope i get to actually enjoy it. If anything i will not have bangs in my eyes and will be able to see. The whole side part thing just doesn’t cut it.

Anyway, time to close the eyes…or attempt to.



However the little bits… become big bits… and just me rambling more than usual.

Today, i am a little better than i have been as of late. Sir and i had some one on one conversation before we went to sleep the other night.

i am in a funk that is hard to get out of. I have been resenting youth … missing a younger me you could say. i have been overwhelmed with home, work, travelling to the City, and other activities/groups i am part of.

There are many things i don’t wish to write because i don’t want others thinking it is directed at them when in fact it is not. There is no wanting of pity, or telling me it will get better, or if there is anything i can do to help i would… those make me invert inwards even more. At times i need to feel like crap – allow me to be me without trying to make all of it better.Words won’t make it better…this i know. This is where i just need to be held – nothing more.

It has been a hectic few weeks for both of us.

It is a never-ending day after day after day. The juggling that i have been trying to do is slowly unravelling. Sir’s issues at work – bleed into my day…my work is becoming boring as fuck – which lends itself to be easily distracted causing errors. Please note, i rarely make errors. Though when other people error’s are pointed out it goes by like it never happened until it happens again. Then it becomes a vicious cycle. Also training someone, phone ringing – to fix said errors or figure out what the fuck happened – distracts me from what i was currently doing. Things that should take me 20 minutes to finish are taking an hour. That is the little bit going on at work.i am expected to be perfection at work.

Sir’s work – they are so fucked up, and it is like i am watching a train wreck about to happen. You can tell they never owned a business before and believe if this is what I want – then I will have – and in reality – ummm NO – there are Labour Laws… oh oh… and HUMAN RIGHT Laws. For a Christian man – he is not very Christian like. He idolizes himself and expects everyone that works for him to do so too. It seems someone forgot the First Commandment.

This past weekend was the MAsT meeting that we helped with – “ So you think you want a Power Exchange relationship?”. It was a small group however there were some good questions and exchanges of ideas that came from it. My pet peeve is that since Sir’s work was causing Him to be stressed/anxious the last couple of months, it has put the bulk of the stuff on my shoulders when it came to this. i understood He was distracted however that didn’t change the way i felt.

Today – Sir was late for work – because of me… so that hasn’t boosted my mood at all. His “boss” can’t schedule or make a schedule without fucking it up several times… which in turn He gets a new one – which i put in our calendar. Three schedules later (and it was still wrong on her end) – He ended up late by 15 minutes… apparently this became the end of the world there. Any other time in the last 2 years – He has been late maybe twice… and by 2-3 minutes – with a message from Him stating He was on His way. So yeah – didn’t help me today at all – on top of a lovely package of a couple of errors of mine at work. Thankfully my Boss is more understanding and i am harder on myself than he is.

Sometimes – i just wish we could stay home on the weekend – and people come to us – not us always going to them. i am tired of driving – really tired. The travelling is making me too tired to enjoy my time with everyone. i want to see everyone – though when it comes to the weekend and getting packed, i actually cringe – and my memory is not as good as it should to be. i have been forgetting 1-2 things each way to the City. My head is too full of shit and can’t keep track as easily as before.

i want to go out with everyone to our events, however i don’t feel good about my self. Loving me isn’t something i have been able to do the last couple of months. i despise finding clothes to wear, do something with this mop (cause i have absolutely no idea how to curl or make it look done up) and put on make-up (cause that is the only time i do – and it is something Sir wants). Nothing looks good or right on me…and it doesn’t matter what another person says – i am the one not feeling good. It is hard to get past that in your head. i am always surrounded by younger people – though many do not believe i am the age i am – i am not comfortable with myself and i think it shows a lot of the time.

Sir tells me He fell in Love with the older dot and is glad that we didn’t get together when i was younger…He would not have been attracted to me as He is now. In my younger years i was much “freer” with my Love you could say. The fact that i decided to put the poly on the shelf to be with just Him showed my maturity you could say. He is my chaos to my structure…somehow we mesh…though i do get headaches trying to be less so and go with the flow. He loves me for me… and yes the sex is great – however that isn’t what keeps us together. We invested time/energy into each other and He wasn’t going anywhere.

For some reason i needed to hear that. i have been feeling insecure, dated, and not of use because i have my age stuck in my head…i am not the nimble girl i used to be. And at times, i feel inadequate…though nothing Sir has intentional done. My brain doesn’t shut up…at times it yells louder when i am trying to calm it down.

Anyway – this is a drawn out post – there is much more in my head – except this post has been sitting in draft for awhile, revised a few times – so it is time to just put it out there… plus my work is piling up on my desk.

Hopefully the trip into the City this weekend will be a good one.

Good night A/all.

dot.

 

 

 



{May 27, 2016}   The wanting to write.

You know that feeling, back in your head – things swimming around, not wanting to be drowned out – screaming a little louder so you will notice and acknowledge it.

There is that want, yet there are too many screams to distinguish one from the others. The head is pounding on top of all this.

It is like my head/body know that after tonight, it is on “holidays” for a week. Yet the way they are shaping up to be, it won’t be much me time available. It is like i am on a constant move. There is always so much to do and no time to get it done.

The headache i am having is a tension/stress one – as the 3 extra strength Advil still haven’t kicked in since before 5pm (it is now after 7pm). In saying that, my feet/legs feel better.

In the next few hours, i am going to not be able to stop and really relax. Hell, i have been interrupted 3x already with writing this small blurb.

Make that 6x now… seriously – people are so not organized it hurts my head… as i am the one that has to “fix” something, answer the questions cause no one else is in the office who should be answering it, and i really need a coffee.

It is now 8pm – i am hungry, i need coffee, and just want to be done with this day already.

Today, i was trying to get things ready for the weekend. The toy bags are packed, the clothes washed/dried, the suitcase is ready to be filled, and the toiletry bag is half packed till we are done with our morning.

If i get home at a decent hour (not looking good by the way), maybe sleep will be something i get. We will have to get up, get ready, with me quickly packing the car – and drive 2 hours with no sleep. The first workshop is at noon. We have to leave the city by 9 to ensure we have time.

Saturday and Sunday will be busy days – and we will be driving home Monday morning, to ensure Sir gets to work on time.

After a little nap for me, i think that will be a good time to update you all on the workshops and the weekend fun.

NOW, back to the paperwork piling on my desk, perhaps a salad thrown into my mouth and a coffee to calm the nerves.

 

dot.

 



{May 24, 2016}   Appreciation from the Boss.

i can honestly say that i do love what i do for work. It is even better when at times the Boss acknowledges it.

This is what i had waiting for me today:

2016-05-24

 



i am feeling pretty useless right now… and not because i am sick or such…

i get this way at times… right now it doesn’t help that i am in the middle of hiring a part-time evening person. This wrecks havoc on my world…in small ways that eventually hit me square in the face.

i look like i am permanently wearing Goth make-up on purpose…the black under my eyes are horrid, the head aches are more frequent, and i just don’t want to get out of the bed.

i have been trying to keep myself busy around the house which really isn’t hard except it seems it is never-ending – then it becomes overwhelming. When you want to do ALL the things, and want them all done at once – yet you don’t know where to start.

This month, i have decided that i do need to take time everyday to myself – technology free…with 30 minutes of ACTUAL physical movement (that is not part of me running around the house cleaning). This is proving difficult however i am doing the best i can do with the crappy schedule ahead of me.

Sir did go for a walk with me on Monday around the block – damn wind doesn’t like me – yet we got it done. i am missing the walks with Sir, the general get out and move the butt type things. i need to get Sir out of the house more too…He needs to move more than His usual on His feet at work.

Food is my downfall right now…either i want to eat EVERYTHING… or i want to eat NOTHING. There is no in-between. The mood swings are getting hard to put in place too – i want to rage or i do…at times i think Sir thinks i am fucking crazy. Please note, i do not rage at Him… just everything around me.

And when i do that… i just want to curl up in the bed – forget about everything. Now that i live with Sir, i cannot do this…however i think i need to wallow at times…cry as if i am alone….just to get it out of the system. Sure there are a few hours during the day after i drop Him off a work…except that time when i get back to the house is already allotted.

Well this post got away from me…i should finish the order that is in front of me…otherwise my phone will be ringing to interrupt the quiet i actually have been getting these nights at work.

Dot.

 

 



{January 26, 2016}   Few hours later…

The head is pounding…thinking at times sucks big time.

Seeing shades of Red… yet better than i was – still seeing them though.

Trying so hard not to snap – especially at Sir… have a feeling that isn’t going so well – “right-o” was used to answer me. I will have to apologize for that later 😦

Really hate the phrase “I am sorry you are feeling that way” or “I hope it gets better” – when all I want to do is pound the living shit out of something. I am angry, I need to vent, I need to release the pent up energy – and I am FUCKING sore EVERYWHERE.

Coming down from the weekend, and then add fucking stupidity/laziness at work is not a good combination. I come into the office – “Oh I called CFIA at 4:16” (REALLY… 4:16??? just say quarter after already)… “and yeah no one seems to be in.”  NO shit – They are NEVER in at that hour – since I started here over 7 years ago – what has changed??? And THANKS, for calling FIFTEEN minutes BEFORE your shift is done.

They leave for the day – CFIA calls – wander upstairs – just before I took Advil because I am sore remember… 2 of the 3 documents I take up – are returned to me – they had errors.

THANKS again…now I get to clean up your shit while the rest of my work waits and piles up… Oh did I mention – I am by myself again till 9pm. I really should be used to working on my own these days.

Finally get their shit cleaned up – and most of the other shit is out the door. I still have 5 more exports to do along with a Japan container.

I needed a breather – hence the writing. I am going to attempt to call CFIA again – now that the new documents have been fixed – so that these drivers will stop calling looking for their paperwork.

Laters A/all.

dot.

 



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